


Me and Mr Jones

by Lady_sb



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Chaptered, Drama, M/M, Multi, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2019-10-03
Packaged: 2020-10-05 13:06:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 76,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20489369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_sb/pseuds/Lady_sb
Summary: What begins as a fleeting look at a wedding between Jack Harkness and Ianto Jones blossoms into a friendship neither expects. However, Ianto is happily married and Jack is in the midst of planning his own wedding. How will they cope when feelings start to stir?





	1. ~Prologue~

**Author's Note:**

> This is actually a really old story of mine I posted on Livejournal ages ago when the Torchwood fandom was really at its height (until COE but never mind). While not as active I am so glad to see that the fans are still passionate and lovely people. Hence I decided it was time to dust this off, fix some glaring typos and move it to another home. 
> 
> Since it's already done, there will be no real gap between chapters per se. But also the other reason it is here, is because I am writing a sequel of sorts, which I hope to get up sometime this month. Thanks so much for whoever is reading, and enjoy.

Ianto Jones hated weddings. 

It wasn't so much the idea of marriage that turned him off. Rather it was the bloated spectacle that some people insisted on turning their wedding receptions into that made him dread attending them.

“You would think that they were organising a three ring circus rather than a ceremony to show their commitment to each other,” he had once commented darkly to his wife Lisa, who had just laughed and batted him on the shoulder.

His own wedding had been simple to the point of being a non-event. It had consisted of no more than a handful of family members and friends gathered outside Cardiff’s town hall one sunny Saturday afternoon. He remembered fidgeting uncomfortably in his best blue suit and being hopelessly smitten with Lisa in a simple white dress, which set off her chocolate skin.

Two years on, Ianto was still devoted with his wife but wearing suits had become second nature to him given his current job. 

“At least I don't have a problem when it comes to wondering what to wear to these things,” he smiled inwardly as he flicked a spot of lint off the sleeves of his suit and tightened the knot of his gunmetal blue tie. 

“Ianto Jones stop dallying, we are already late,” Lisa chided him, tugging the corner of his jacket as she tried to hurry his steps towards the white marquee situated a few metres ahead of them. 

Ianto obligingly quickened his pace but judging by the number of people milling outside the tent - no doubt enjoying the rare balmy July evening -, he correctly guessed that the bride and groom had yet to arrive at the reception. 

However, he could hardly blame Lisa for being nervous about the time. After all, this was her boss who was getting married. A man who commanded so much respect at the hospital Lisa worked at that he was more commonly known as The Doctor. 

At the same time though, he wasn't keen on scuffing the shoes he had so painstakingly polished that morning.

“Slow down Lisa, I know you admire the Doctor but there is no way he would get upset at his favourite nurse for being a few minutes late,” Ianto said as he deftly avoided a puddle. 

While Lisa did not loosen her grip on Ianto’s clothing, she did manage to shoot her husband a small smile. 

“Thank you for coming with me by the way, I know you hate socialising at these things,” she said. Ianto shrugged. 

“The open bar helps,” he smirked at the horrified look that flitted over his wife’s face. She opened her mouth to reprimand him only to be interrupted by a colleague who had obviously started the celebrations early. 

“Glad to see you and your husband here,” she slurred, clutching Lisa close to her terrifyingly heaving cleavage. “Lovely weather we are having eh?”

Ianto swore he could light a fire from the alcohol fumes emanating from the woman. He quickly shook her hand, sidestepping her attempt to hug him as well. 

“Brilliant weather for a party,” he replied, pasting a beatific smile on his face. 

God he fucking hated weddings. 

***

Jack Harkness loved weddings. 

Free-flow champagne, pointless small talk and inebriated dancing all formed the perfect backdrop for his over-the-top charming personality and risqué – yet somehow inoffensive - anecdotes.

Plus, he knew looked damn good in a tuxedo. A fact that badly irked his fiancée Gwen Cooper. Not that she would admit it, but she could easily understand why so many people were enraptured by Jack from the minute he flashed that megawatt smile. 

After all, she was hardly immune. She was marrying the cheeky bugger wasn't she? 

“So I said, why don't you marry the horse?” Jack finished his tale of a vicar and his livestock to uproarious laughter from the gaggle of onlookers surrounding him. It was all Gwen could do to stop rolling her eyes as the story never struck her as particularly funny. 

“Jack, we should go say hello to the bride and groom,” said Gwen, unable to keep the relief out of her voice as she spotted the doctor and his new wife joining the festivities. 

Jack nodded and offered her his arm in a gentlemanly gesture that inexplicably made her heart turn over. She didn't even bother to stifle the pride she felt at the admiring glances that people were throwing their way. 

“Glad to see you Jack,” said the Doctor, throwing his arms around his old friend. 

“Congratulations Doctor, Rose. You look lovely as always,’ Jack said earnestly as he hugged the petite blond woman. “If he hadn’t snapped you up, I would have,” Jack winked and then winced as Gwen discreetly punched him in the kidney.

“Always the flatterer aren’t you Jack,” Rose replied fondly. “When is it your turn?”

“We haven’t set a date yet, but it will be soon,” Jack said putting his arm around his fiancée’s shoulder. 

“Sometime this century at least,” Gwen only half-teased. But Jack didn't seem to acknowledge her hint as he quickly rejoined his group of admirers. Gwen sighed and shook her head. 

“Bloody Jack Harkness. Ah well, I wouldn't have him any other way I guess,” she thought as she reached for his hand. She smiled when she felt him give her the briefest squeeze back. 

*** 

Ianto leaned against the bar and nursed his beer, calculating how quick of an escape he could make from what was shaping up to be his own personal version of hell. Lisa had all but abandoned him, choosing instead to catch up on gossip with ex-colleagues and he was tired of fending off drunk bridesmaids and groomsmen. 

“Maybe I could fake some kind of ailment,” he mused and quickly shook his head as he realised that particular ploy wouldn't work at an event made up mostly of medical staff. 

Ianto was gradually inching away from another hopeful young thing that wanted his attention when a distinctively dirty laugh from halfway across the room caught his attention. 

Ianto never really noticed other men but it was hard to ignore this one. If his height and the confident swagger in his shoulders didn't set him apart, the American accent did. He was handsome, there was no doubt, but it was his eyes that Ianto noticed the most. Even from where he was standing, Ianto could see how startlingly blue they were. 

And suddenly those blue eyes met his and it was all Ianto could do not to drop his drink and avert his gaze. 

But it wasn't that easy to unnerve Ianto. Even though he was deeply embarrassed to have been caught staring at another guy, he wasn't going to show it and give the American the pleasure of knowing how close he was to ruffling him. 

Instead, Ianto casually tipped his glass in the other man’s direction and turned to find Lisa. He allowed himself a smile of quiet satisfaction when he felt the American’s gaze bore into the back of his head. 

Now if he could only stop his heart from pounding like a jackhammer. Fuck. 

*** 

Despite his outwardly cavalier attitude when it came to his looks, Jack knew when he was being checked out. It was almost a reflex for him to note how many people undressed him in their minds when he strode into a room. 

So it was easy to pick out the young man by the bar that had been staring at him for longer than was absolutely necessary. 

While giving the impression that he was listening to the story that the head of neonatal surgery was telling him, Jack gave his observer a quick once over. He noted the slim build under the impeccably fitted suit, grey-blue eyes that matched his tie and strong jawline. 

When Jack held his gaze, he had expected the other man to blush and break eye contact, as most men would have given the circumstances. Hence why he was slightly knocked for a loop when he got a reply that could have only been described as cocky. 

“What are you staring at Jack?” 

Jack snapped back to attention at Gwen’s voice, immediately picking up the dangerous undercurrent beneath it. 

“Wondering when they are going to serve dinner sweetheart,” he smoothly replied, kissing her on the forehead. “Dance?”

“Sure,” Gwen said allowing him to lead her to the partially full dance floor. As he and Gwen swayed to the music, Jack closed his eyes and promptly pushed any thoughts of the young man out of his head. 

Even if he did have a nice ass. Shit.


	2. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly, thanks to all who left kudos and commented ^_^ I am aiming to post a chapter a day it, so I hope you all enjoy it!

***

_Me and Mr. Jones,_  
_We’ve got a thing going on,_  
_We both know that it’s wrong,_  
_But it’s much too strong to let it go now.(1)_

***

**Three weeks later**

Captain Jack Harkness prided himself on possessing nerves of steel and the ability to keep a level head during moments of crisis. After all, he was a seasoned commercial aviation pilot with a respectable number of flight hours under his belt. 

However, if he had to listen to Gwen bitch one more time about how incompetent the florist was at doing the arrangements to her liking, he was going to throw his coffee cup through the nearest window.

Peeking over the edge of his newspaper, Jack could practically see the steam coming out of Gwen’s ears as she argued with the aforesaid florist over the phone. Jack sighed and folded his paper. He adored Gwen, but her pit-bull like tenacity could wear a man down. 

He got to his feet and quietly shrugged on his ankle-length coat, deciding to leave before he did anything rash. 

“I promised to meet up with Owen alright sweetheart, don't wait up,” he blew her a quick kiss, not waiting for her reply before making a speedy escape to the elevator. 

Once outside their apartment block, Jack quickly took out his phone and dialed his friend’s number. 

“Harkness! What the bloody hell do you want?” Owen barked into the phone. However, the way he had picked up the phone after just two rings told Jack that his friend was itching for an excuse to leave the hospital. 

Jack grinned. Dr Owen Harper was a top-notch surgical oncologist who would go to any lengths to save his patients, but a raving workaholic the man was not.

“Dr Harper, you promised to meet me for a drink remember,” Jack answered smoothly, not blinking twice at the lie he was telling. But Owen knew his friend too well to be taken in by his glib tongue. 

“I did bollocks. My guess is bridezilla is on the loose and you used me as a convenient excuse to escape her wrath,” Owen said, more than a little peeved. “Why don't you just tell her that her obsession over the wedding is driving you to drink?”

“Because she has been looking forward to planning it for ages, who am I to stop her fun?” Jack said as he briskly crossed the street.

“Why did it take you so long to set the date anyway? Didn't you propose to her last year?” Owen said accusingly. 

“You know how it is with us pilots. Never in the same place for more than twenty-four hours. I had to do some major wrangling before I could get any time off, let alone a year from now,” Jack said, ignoring the pang of guilt in his chest. 

“Well at least that part is true,” Jack reasoned inwardly. He didn't mention the yearning look Gwen carried about with her after the Doctor and Rose’s wedding, which had finally convinced him to stop dragging his feet. Jack knew Gwen put up with a lot from him, tolerating his flirtatious nature and even accepting his bisexuality. For that, she deserved her dream wedding. 

Jack ran a hand through his dark brown hair and forced a cheerful note back into his voice, “Look, although she may act like the wedding preparations are making her want to tear her hair out, she’s enjoying every minute of it. Trust me Owen, I know women.”

Owen let out the long-suffering sigh of a confirmed bachelor. 

“If you did, you would know not to marry them. You don't see me getting entangled in all this wedding nonsense do you? Love ‘em and leave ‘em I do,” he remarked smugly. 

“More likely they just leave,” Jack interjected, prompting a snort from Owen. “So are you joining me for a drink or not? I will even buy the first round.”

“Didn't expect anything less Jack,” Owen rolled his eyes. “Fine, I will save your arse yet again but you still have to wait a while. Got someone coming in for a consultation in about ten minutes.”

“You know you can’t get enough of my ass,” Jack gave a genuine laugh as he heard Owen choke on what sounded like tea. “I will be in my usual coffee place in Soho, see you there.”

As Jack hung up, he could hear Owen complaining, “He couldn't just go to bloody Starbucks could he?”

***

“Another day, another dollar,” Ianto muttered the cliché under his breath as he ambled down the steps of the university he worked at. 

Normally Ianto loved his job, despite the fact that people treated him like a glorified librarian. In fact, it was unlike him to leave so early as he was usually the one locking up after everybody.

Officially, he was attached to the academic administration office but he spent most of his time overseeing the university library, which also came under the department’s purview. His former boss had been smart enough to recognise that Ianto’s methodical mind, borderline anal attention to detail and endless patience made him perfect for the position. 

However, the new head of admin had different ideas, designating Ianto as her personal butler. After ten hours of fetching her coffee, Ianto decided enough was enough.

“Let her get her own damn coffee,” he thought sourly. “And good luck to her trying to access the system without the pass codes,” he smirked. 

Coffee did sound like a good idea though, given that Lisa was not due to finish her shift for another three hours. He didn’t need to go far either, as he spotted a café out of the corner of his eye that looked promising. Or rather, smelt promising judging by the waft of fresh roast emanating from the open doorway. 

Although working in central London had its pros and cons, one major pro for Ianto was that he never ran out of new coffee places to try. 

“Maybe my day is looking up,” Ianto thought as he stepped into the café and took a look around. The shop definitely lacked polished with its threadbare sofas, but the full house of customers testified to the excellence of its goods. 

Ianto inhaled deeply, the scent of chocolate ash, burnt coffee beans and muscovado sugar flooding the pleasure centre of his brain. 

“This will do nicely,” he thought as he stepped up to the counter.

After picking up his coffee, Ianto gingerly navigated through the obstacle course of strewn backpacks and battered briefcases in search of a seat. He almost thought he would have to drink his coffee standing when he spotted an occupied table with a single empty seat. 

Ianto hesitated, knowing that Londoners were usually fiercely protective of their personal space. But when push came to shove, Ianto would not take the risk of spilling coffee on his tie. 

“Excuse me, do you mind if I take this seat?” Ianto asked politely, only to stiffen as a pair of familiar blue eyes looked up at him.

“Not at all,” answered Jack, shifting back slightly to give the young man more room. When Ianto didn't move a muscle, Jack raised a questioning eyebrow before nudging the chair with the toe of his boot. 

“You can sit you know, unless you want to hover. I am fine with that too,” Jack teased gently. 

“Erm, thanks,” Ianto carefully set down his cup and discreetly angled his chair as far away from the other man as he could without appearing rude. His discomfort level increased a notch when he realised the American was staring at him, no doubt trying to place where he had met Ianto before. 

“Maybe he won’t remember, maybe he won't remember,” Ianto prayed in his head. 

“You were at the Doctor and Rose’s wedding weren’t you?” Jack exclaimed, a sly grin spreading across his face.

Bugger, he remembered.

“I thought you looked familiar. I usually never forget a man in a well-cut suit,” Jack commented, enjoying the slight flush that crept up the back of Ianto’s neck. It was a welcome reaction after the way the young man had brushed him off the last time. 

After biting the inside of his lip to control the sharp spike of anger he felt at the ballsy arrogance of the man, Ianto gave Jack a look. 

“Really? I don't remember you,” Ianto answered, calmly taking a sip of his coffee. Now it was his turn to feel triumphant as he saw a flash of annoyance cross those blue eyes. It was obvious the American was used to being memorable. 

“Well I usually take notice of people who stare at me, especially the handsome ones,” Jack challenged. 

“I don't think I was the only one staring,” Ianto shot back. 

There was a pause as both men just glared at each other. Jack seethed until it struck him how ridiculous this situation actually was. Finally able to see the funny side, Jack threw his head back and laughed. 

Ianto wasn't so forgiving and continued to glower at Jack, more than ready for the next round of their verbal sparring match. 

But Jack didn't rise to the bait, choosing instead to comment, “You're cute when you’re mad, you know that?” punctuating his sentence with a wink. Ianto gave Jack an incredulous look, amazed that the American managed to wrong-foot him yet again. 

“Do you ever stop flirting?” Ianto asked exasperated, but it was hard to stay angry in the face of such an infectious laugh. He eventually conceded a half-smile that just tugged at the corners of his mouth. 

“Glad to see I can make you smile at least. Let’s start again, Jack Harkness,” Jack offered his hand, which Ianto accepted. 

“Jones, Ianto Jones.”

“Nice to meet you Jones, Ianto Jones,” Jack leaned back into his chair. “So, how do you know the Doctor and Rose?”

“I don't personally, but my wife works for him at the hospital.”

It was only then Jack noticed the gold wedding band around Ianto’s fourth finger. A small frown flickered across his face; the younger man certainly didn't strike him as the get-married-in-your-teens type. 

“You work around here?” Ianto asked, taking another sip.

Jack shook his head, his reverie broken. “I am on leave at the moment and taking full advantage of it to live the life of a bum,” he chuckled.

“You're a pilot I see,” Ianto said motioning to Jack’s RAF greatcoat that he had draped across the back of the chair. “Love the coat by the way.”

“That is a family heirloom. I am a commercial pilot mostly,” Jack admitted.

“Well you are a long way from Heathrow. Don't tell me you come here just for the coffee?” Ianto quipped. 

“Hey, it's the best coffee in the West End I will have you know,” Jack grinned at Ianto’s teasing tone. “When you’re forced to drink substandard coffee nine months out of the year, you come to appreciate places like this that don't know the meaning of the word instant.”

“It could be better,” Ianto said critically, adding a splash of milk to his coffee. 

At Jack’s questioning look, Ianto elaborated.

“They use good beans and they roast them well, but that is just a base for a perfect cup of coffee. There are other factors to consider as well. I mean, anybody can bung it in a cup but making memorable coffee is an art.”

Ianto stopped talking when he saw the lost look on Jack’s face. “I’m boring you aren’t I?” he said stiffly. 

“Actually no, I’m intrigued that someone would take such pains over coffee.” The tone that Jack used showed Ianto that he wasn't taking the piss. 

Ianto let out a slow breath but jumped when Jack spun around to holler at the barista. 

“Hey Steve, could you let my friend fix my next cup of coffee. I’ll owe you one,” Jack steepled his hands and gave the blond man behind the counter his best imploring look. Steve faltered for a second, but ultimately didn't stand a chance.

“You really do never stop flirting do you?” Ianto said wryly as Jack gave him an unrepentant shrug. 

But Ianto had Jack’s full attention a minute later when he shrugged off his suit jacket and neatly did up his sleeves in series of measured gestures, which could only have been described as… graceful. 

“I don't think he even knows how sexy he is. Haven’t met someone so unaware in a long time,” Jack pondered as Ianto made his way behind the counter. He noted that Ianto exercised the same sort of care when making the coffee. Using very deliberate, small movements as he spooned, poured, steamed and stirred. 

It took a good fifteen minutes, but when Ianto finally served the coffee to Jack, the American did not fail to notice the almost flawless presentation. Hot but not scalding, the coffee was a rich black-brown with the barest wisp of white. Ianto had even taken the trouble to place a wrapped sugar cube next to the teaspoon. 

Ignoring the sweetener, Jack took a tentative mouthful and inhaled sharply. It tasted like dark couverture on his tongue, grounded only by its bitter edge and made emollient by the full-fat milk. 

“Wow ...just wow,” was all Jack could say, genuinely impressed. “You do have a talent.” 

“Well, I’ve had practice,” Ianto confessed. “I used to have an aunt who was a coffee junkie. She would tip me based on how good my coffee was.”

“Something like that,” he pointed at Jack’s cup, “Would have been equivalent to a month’s worth of pocket money.” 

“Can’t say I disagree. Any chance I could convince you to move into my house and make this every day?” Jack’s blue eyes twinkled as he took another swallow. 

Ianto was about to retort that he wasn't in fact Jack’s manservant, when the discreet buzzing of a phone stopped him. After a quick check of his messages, Jack gave Ianto an apologetic smile as he stood up.

“As enjoyable as this was, I have got to go. Promised a friend I would meet him for drinks,” Jack pulled on his heavy wool coat as he left some folded notes on the table to settle the bill. 

“Thank you for a truly great cup of coffee Ianto. I will remember that for a while,” Jack said sincerely. Ianto tried not to show how pleased he was at the compliment. 

“You're welcome. It was nice to have met you Captain,” Ianto said.

“Likewise,” Jack replied, tipping an imaginary hat to Ianto before making his way out. Once his back was turned, Ianto relaxed into his chair. 

“Well, that was a potentially awkward situation dealt with,” Ianto thought dismissively as he absently loosened his tie. 

So why did he feel so disappointed?

“Hey Jones… Ianto Jones.” Ianto’s head jerked up at the sound of Jack’s voice. 

Later, when Ianto had a chance to reflect back on the events of that day, he realised that any connection he had felt with Jack, could have ended there. Both would have gone back to their respective lives… never crossing paths again… if it hadn’t been for Jack stopping two feet shy of the door and turning around

“I am here quite often by the way,” Jack said nonchalantly. “So I might, see you around?”

Ianto swallowed. 

“You might,” he answered calmly, matching Jack’s casual tone. Again that charming smile and a small wave as Jack walked outside, his coat flapping behind him. 

As vague as the invitation was, Ianto knew that he had not seen the last of Jack Harkness. What he couldn’t explain though was the unexpected pinprick of happiness he felt at the thought.


	3. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, much love to the fandom, you guys are great :)

***

_I like it in the city when the air is so thick and opaque,_  
_I love to see everybody in short skirts, shorts and shades,_  
_I like it in the city when two worlds collide,  
_ _Round my hometown, memories are fresh.(2)_

***

****

****

**Two Months Later**

Although Ianto was correct in his assumption that he would be seeing Jack again, what he hadn’t bargained on was seeing Jack quite so often. 

After “running” into each other a couple more times, Ianto decided they were just being silly and gave Jack his mobile number, much to the American's delight.

During the month when Jack was still on leave, he managed to meet up with Ianto almost every other day. Sometimes it was for lunch, but more often than not it was for coffee after Ianto was done with work. 

Even when Jack started flying again, Ianto saw him at least twice a week. It got to the point where spending time with the American formed a part of Ianto’s regular routine, rather than something out of the norm. 

Despite meeting up so often, neither normally had more than an hour to spare for each other. But during those two months, Jack and Ianto’s conversations managed to range from casual, to humorous, to deeply personal and even included a few pure “what the fuck?” moments.

Ianto had to stop himself from gawping when Jack told him that he was bisexual. To be honest, Jack’s admission came as no surprise to Ianto, but it was the captain’s indifference on the matter that had him a little flustered. 

The younger man had never before met anyone as open about their sexuality as Jack, who had dropped that little snippet in the same breath as his grocery list. And when Ianto had just stared at him in a mixture of shock and disbelief, Jack interpreted the look as simply wanting to know more about Gwen’s grocery list. 

Ah yes, Gwen. Ianto recalled the pretty, dark haired woman by Jack’s side at the wedding, whose large expressive brown eyes reminded him of a Japanese anime character. 

Ianto learned that Jack’s fiancée was also from his hometown of Cardiff and that she worked as a psychiatrist. The captain and her had been dating for two years and engaged for just over one, although Jack was surprisingly evasive on how they both met. 

It was obvious though that he held her in high regard, but then Ianto figured that any woman willing to tolerate Jack Harkness’ knee-jerk flirting was probably a candidate for sainthood. 

On Jack’s end, he found out that Ianto and Lisa had been sweethearts since college and married soon after graduation. They had moved to London after Lisa found a job at the privately owned Sacred Heart Hospital located near Elephant and Castle.

Ianto also told Jack that both his parents had passed on and that his siblings had migrated to Australia. All he had left in Wales were a handful of relatives that he wasn't very close to. In a sense that made his move to London much easier, but the wistful look in Ianto’s eyes told Jack that he missed Cardiff more than he was willing to admit. 

The captain also discovered that beneath Ianto’s dyed-in-the-wool public schoolboy politeness lay a droll, witty sense of humour that caught him off guard more times than he would have liked. 

Truth was, no matter what the topic, Jack genuinely enjoyed spending time with Ianto. The younger man’s practical outlook on life was a refreshing change from Owen’s hard-edged cynicism and Gwen’s measured optimism. 

As for Ianto, he found in Jack the male kinship that he didn't realise had been missing from his life. 

Regardless of the reason, little by little, both managed to creep under each other’s skin. And little by little, both stopped being mere acquaintances, and instead became friends. 

***

“We don't do this often enough,” Lisa sighed contentedly as she reached across the table for her husband’s hand. Ianto affectionately rubbed her wedding ring as he admired the way her chandelier earrings cast starburst patterns on her ebony skin. 

As it was one of those rare nights where neither Ianto nor Lisa had to work late, they decided to make an evening of it, starting with dinner at their favourite South Indian restaurant.

“Well blame the Doctor, who made you take double shifts just because he wanted to go on his honeymoon,” Ianto said in mock anger as he tore off a chunk of steamed rice cake. 

“Shows where your head has been. The Doctor has been back for a week,” Lisa said indignantly, snatching the idli from his fingers and eagerly dipping into the vegetable curry.

Ianto was taken aback. He was sure he would have remembered his wife telling him such an important detail. And for a man who made it his job to know everything, the fact that it had escaped him bothered him greatly. 

After realising her husband was not touching his food, Lisa looked up to find Ianto with a pained look on his face. Her expression softened as she decided to put him out of his misery. 

“Don't worry about it Ianto. With our jobs, we are like ships that pass in the night you and I,” Lisa said brushing his short dark hair behind his ears. 

“I suppose you’re right,” Ianto admitted, mollified as he leaned into his wife’s hand.

“But you have been going out a lot more. Not that I am complaining mind you,’ Lisa added quickly. “It’s good to see you go somewhere else other than home and work.”

“Thanks Lisa, you make me sound positively agoraphobic,” Ianto said wryly. “And I’ve just been meeting up with a friend for coffee that's all,” a barely there smile graced his lips at the thought of Jack. 

“Well considering how much time you spend with this friend, I am wondering if you prefer his company to mine,” Lisa pouted as she toyed with the remains of her chicken curry. 

Instead of answering, Ianto simply kissed the back of her hand as he resolved to spend more time with his wife. 

However, there was no guilt attached to his decision. For in his mind, he felt no conflict between his friendship with Jack and his relationship with Lisa. What he didn't know at the time was how useful that particular skill would prove to be in the months to come.

***

“This is nice Jack,” Gwen purred as she leaned closer to him on the couch. “It’s not often we get to play domestic these days.”

“Domestic? We don't even have time to catch a movie these days,” Jack remarked, pulling her closer as he rearranged the bowl of popcorn on his lap. Gwen worried her bottom lip as she watched him channel-surf in search of HBO, planning her next words carefully.

“I know I’ve been a right cow about the wedding these days Jack and I am sorry. It’s just driving me a bit mental that’s all,” she said hesitantly. Jack reassuringly patted her on the shoulder.

“Don't worry about it honey. I’ve been keeping myself busy anyway,” Jack said, nonchalantly popping a handful of kernels in his mouth. 

“That's a good point, what have you been doing with your evenings?” Gwen asked, her curiosity piqued. Jack shrugged.

“Just spending it with friends mostly. Relaxing before they make me work for six months straight,” Jack said ruefully. “What do you think missy? That this wedding pays for itself?” his eyes twinkled.

“Do I know these friends of yours?” Gwen asked casually. So casually in fact that Jack almost missed the tinge of suspicion in her voice. 

Almost. 

Try as he might, Jack could not suppress the flash of annoyance he felt at Gwen’s questioning. 

“Well you know Owen. I’m actually meeting him for dinner tomorrow,” Jack said, ignoring the sound of the doctor’s sarcastic voice in the back of his head saying, “Harkness! Thank goodness you finally called, was beginning to think you were dead.”

“And there are a couple guys from work, and some old acquaintances from the Doctor’s wedding,” Jack added, instinctively refusing to offer Gwen any more details on Ianto.

“Are they pretty?” Gwen teased gently, realising that she had to tread softly around this topic with Jack. Her tactic worked as Jack gave her a forgiving smirk. 

“Their wives probably think so,” he teased back, pulling her a tad closer.

“Oh they’re married? That’s all right then,” Gwen said happily, snuggling further into Jack’s embrace but missing the dark look in his eyes. 

The palpable relief he heard in his fiancée’s voice immediately pissed off Jack royally. He hated how Gwen made it sound as if he would not be able to control himself the minute an attractive, single, body presented itself to him. 

Jack would be the first to admit that he didn’t possess the cleanest relationship track record. However, in the three years he and Gwen had been together, he had never given her any reason to doubt his fidelity.

Attraction was just that, attraction. Love and devotion on the other hand were two very different emotions that Jack took extremely seriously. 

Gwen sighed.

“There really is nothing on tonight Jack, why don’t we just… go to bed?” Gwen said, suggestively planting a kiss on his ear. Jack clenched his jaw as he tried to dampen the edge of his temper to stop it from flaring. 

“Not tonight sweetheart, I am completely exhausted. Why don’t you sit here and relax? After all, it's not fair on you that I monopolise the TV most of the time,” he said, planting a brief kiss on her forehead before unceremoniously untangling himself from her embrace. 

Jack didn’t even look back as he left her on the couch with a confused look on her face. 

***

****

****

The Next Day****

****

****

“Bloody Owen,” Jack hissed as he read his messages. In a curt but contrite text, the doctor told Jack that he wouldn’t be able to have dinner with him as his patient had to be rushed to the hospital for emergency surgery. 

Of course, Jack knew he had no right to get angry with his friend. But it was an irritating turn of events after the amount of shit Owen had given Jack about only wanting to spend time with him as a convenient excuse to escape Gwen. 

And now Jack was stuck with dinner reservations and nobody to share it with. He was still miffed at Gwen, so she was out. 

That only left….

“Jack? What’s up?” Ianto said, surprised to have received such a late evening call from the captain. 

“Where are you Ianto?” Jack asked as he made his way to the Tottenham Court Road tube station. 

“Near Blackfriars, why?”

Jack couldn’t believe his luck. “Perfect! Are you doing anything for dinner?”

“Not as far as I know.”

“Well you do now. How about dinner, on me, at my favourite Chinese restaurant near Embankment?” Jack could practically hear the wheels in Ianto’s head turn as he contemplated the invite. 

“Why not? Maybe you can help lift my spirits,” Ianto said. Jack frowned and made a mental note to ask the younger man what he meant. 

“Will text you the address, see you then,” Jack grinned as he rang off, his anger quickly dissipating. Ianto chuckled softly at how excitable the American was as he crossed over the Thames and headed in the general direction of Charing Cross. 

When Jack arrived at the Chrysanthemum some thirty minutes later, he found Ianto already seated and browsing through the menu. Jack barely recognised him though, dressed as he was in jeans and an open-necked polo shirt, having never seen him in anything else other than a suit. 

But there was just something so endearing for Jack to see Ianto actually look his age, instead of twenty-five going on fifty. 

“Hey, sorry to call you so last minute,” Jack apologised as he slipped into his seat. Ianto looked up and shook his head telling Jack that it was no trouble. 

Both ended up ordering the duck rice, which came to them on piping hot plates drizzled with chilli oil. 

From the first bite, Ianto could understand why the restaurant was so busy. The rice was fantastic, steaming and oily, while the duck was gloriously fatty topped with crispy skin made dark with soya sauce, cloves and star anise. 

It also went brilliantly with the restaurant’s special brand of _jiu_, or Chinese wine. A world apart from its European namesake, the colourless liquid smelt like methylated spirit and tasted potent enough to strip paint. 

Mutual hunger overruled any possibility of small talk, but neither minded the comfortable silence that filled the space between them. It was only when they were having dessert that Jack remembered Ianto’s earlier words. 

“Hey, is something bothering you? You sounded down on the phone,” Jack enquired.

There was a pause as Ianto took a sip of his wine, his face a stoic mask. But Jack didn't miss how hard he was gripping the cup. 

“It's my boss. Ever since she arrived she seems intent on making my life hell. She makes me fetch her coffee every half an hour; she makes me finds obscure files only to lose them the next day. She screws up my filing system so badly it takes me two weeks to sort it out.”

Ianto knocked back the rest of his drink, the taste of ethanol crowding his throat as it burned a path down to his stomach.

“I am not going to take it any more Jack. Either I am going to complain to the senior management at the university or I am going to look for a new job,” Ianto stopped at the end of his rant to take a deep breath, trying his hardest to calm the erratic beating of his heart. 

Jack’s eyes softened to a cotton blue as he took in Ianto’s bowed head. It was moments like these that brought the fact home to Jack how _young_ Ianto really was, despite his perceptive nature. 

As Jack remained silent, Ianto inwardly cursed. His diatribe must have made him look like a whiny child in the American’s eyes. 

“Hey..”

Ianto started as he saw Jack gently pry his fingers loose before setting the cup on the table. 

“Don't do anything rash Ianto. Before you take such extreme measures, you should talk to her first. Building working relationships is hard enough, don't burn your bridges at the same time.”

“If you go above her head and she finds out, hell would be a picnic compared to what she could put you through. If she still continues to mistreat you, then talk to her superiors. At least you can say you’ve tried and you would be able to get a good reference out of it.”

Jack smiled reassuringly at him. “So go home, and rip up that resignation letter I know you’ve already typed out, because that’s the sort of organised person you are. That is your strength, think with that… not the anger.”

For one of the few times in his life, Ianto was so completely bowled over that he was literally speechless. He was so used to playful Jack, devil-may-care Jack that he wasn’t sure how to react to perceptive Jack, who actually gave very sensible advice with not an innuendo in sight. 

“Failing which, you could always slip laxatives in her coffee,” Jack added with a shrug, that dirty grin firmly in place. Ianto let out a relieved laugh, all was right with the world again. 

“Couldn't you just do me a favour and seduce her?” Ianto said wryly. Jack pretended to turn over the offer in his mind.

“Sure, is she tall and blonde with a great rack?”

‘Oh yeah, gorgeous with a personality like a banshee,” Ianto deadpanned.

“Lovely, maybe I should have taken her to dinner instead.” 

There was that smile again, and Ianto felt something inside him thaw. 

After Jack picked up the bill, they walked along the river towards the Embankment tube station. But neither seemed to be in a hurry to get home judging by their leisurely pace. 

It was cold for mid-autumn though Ianto thought as he pulled the collar of his black mac tighter. The only good thing about a London cold snap was that it cut through the pollution and let in fresh air without being too biting. 

“Thanks Jack. And not just for dinner,” Ianto said softly. 

“You’re always welcome,” Jack replied, inadvertently noticing how the lights that came off the Thames also reflected in Ianto’s wind rumpled hair.

The captain’s fingers suddenly itched to smooth it down, to know what it would feel like. Quickly glancing at his watch before he did something stupid, Jack grimaced at the time. 

“We'd better hurry if we want to catch the last Bakerloo train.”

But judging by the crowded platform, it was obvious that everybody had the same idea. Trains similarly were standing room only; forcing the two men to stand near the door. 

“When are you flying again?” Ianto asked, raising his voice a little over the screech of the train. 

But Jack never got the chance to reply before the carriage sharply swerved around the corner, pitching him off balance. Before he could even blink, Ianto found himself pinned to the door, with Jack’s right arm braced next to his head and his palms flat against the lapels of the captain’s greatcoat. 

“Ianto… sorry…”

But Ianto barely heard him, transfixed as he was to have Jack so close to him. Close enough to see the faint laugh lines around his mouth. Close enough to catch the whiff of candied ginger and toasted sesame from dessert he had eaten, sweet even over the stale stink of the Underground. 

“He’s going to kiss me,” Ianto realised hazily. “I _want_ him to kiss me.” Unbidden, pure desire shot through his veins, as intoxicating as the wine he had drunk earlier. 

“Ianto…” The breathy way he said the younger man’s name showed Ianto that Jack felt it too. 

“Next station, Oxford Circus. Please change here for the Central Line.”

It was the sound of the disembodied, female announcer’s voice that caused Ianto’s sanity to come back in a rush. Embarrassed beyond belief, Ianto firmly pushed the captain away from him.

“This is your station, isn’t it?” Ianto swallowed hard as he tried to keep a level tone. “Better not miss the last train.”

“Yeah,” Jack replied. But his voice was shadowed by an emotion that Ianto couldn’t quite place. Frustration? Lust? Longing? 

However, at this point Ianto didn’t care. He just wanted to put as much space between them as he could. 

“I will see you around,” Ianto said, shoving his hands as far as he could into the pockets of his coat. Jack nodded. 

“Will call you when I am back then. And this time, you can buy me dinner,” Jack winked, apparently unaffected by what had almost transpired between them. 

“Right,” Ianto managed to give a smile. 

It was only when the train started to move that Ianto felt his legs buckle, forcing him to cling on to the railing for support. 

What the _fuck_ just happened?


	4. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much thanks again for the kudos, hope everyone is enjoying it :)

***

__

_My eyes are on you,_  
_And you see that I can’t stop shaking,_  
_No, I won’t step back but I’ll look down to hide from your eyes,_  
_‘Cause what I feel is so sweet and I am scared that even my own breath,_  
_Oh could burst it if it were a bubble,_  
_And I’d better dream if I have to struggle,  
_ _So I put my arms around you. (3) _

_ __ _

_ __ _

***

****

****

Two Weeks Later

Linda Johnston hated her job. She was overworked, underpaid and so bored out of her fucking mind that she spent fifteen minutes every Monday morning thinking up creative ways to skive. There really was nothing to look forward to at the office. 

Well, she looked down at the sheaf of invoices she was holding and blushed, there was one thing and his name was Ianto Jones. Because the library was constantly receiving shipments of journals or replacement books, there was always something that required his approval. 

If she were lucky, they would get to chat for a few minutes. If she were really lucky, they would go for coffee. 

“Morning Ianto, I need your signature as usual,” Linda said chirpily as she dropped the papers on his desk, making him look away from the spreadsheet he was working on.

“Thanks Linda,” he said, giving her a smile that made her insides do circus tricks. 

She had been more than a little disappointed when she found out he was married. She had met his wife before and – unsurprisingly - took an instant dislike to her. While her feelings no doubt coloured her judgment, she found Lisa bossy and overbearing in the way she treated Ianto. 

“Coffee?” she asked hopefully. Ianto shook his head as he quickly worked through the stack.

“Not today, got loads to do. Next time maybe?” Ianto said apologetically handing the invoices back to her. Linda tried not to let her disappointment show at the gentle brush-off.

“Of course, I will just leave you then,” she said, slowly making her way towards the door. But the speed at which he went back to work told her that she had been promptly forgotten. 

Biting back her frustration, she noted that Ianto didn't seem himself. As she walked back to the library, she wondered what had him so out of sorts.

Given her straight-laced impression of Ianto, Linda would have been surprised to find out exactly what had him so preoccupied. 

Or more accurately, who.

*** 

Ianto beat an anxious tattoo on his desk with his pen as he considered his predicament. He took a side-glance at his phone, and breathed easier when he saw he had no new messages.

It had been a fortnight since he last heard from Jack, which meant the American was flying. Usually it mildly infuriated Ianto how Jack drifted in and out of his life like a willow-o’-the-wisp, implicitly expecting him to be free when he called. 

But now he was grateful for the break, as it gave him a chance to gather his thoughts and decide what to do next. 

He rightly reasoned that he had probably been spending too much time with the absurdly good-looking captain and as a result, his common sense had gotten waylaid by that enigmatic charm.

The exchange between them on the train had made Ianto realise what a dangerous game they were playing. If it got out of hand, they would end up hurting the people they cared about most. 

Ianto was nothing if not practical. He figured the best way to deal with the problem was to not see Jack as often and squeeze in more time with Lisa. 

Simple enough. Easy enough right? And it would have worked, only if Ianto could have forgotten the way he felt when Jack looked at him that day with those beguiling china blue eyes of his.

For even the most fleeting thought of Jack kissing him, of pulling him closer so their bodies were flush against each other, resulted in a kick of desire so powerful it made his chest ache with longing.

Ianto hadn’t been as honest about his orientation with Lisa as Jack had been with Gwen. He had no problems with dating men, it just happened that he came across more women that struck his fancy. Not that he had dated many before his wife. 

“I have Lisa, who could ask for more?” Ianto told himself firmly, ignoring the slight tremble in his hands as he straightened the various items on his desk. It always gave him a sense of calm to see everything in neat rows and within easy reach.

Even so, Ianto still jumped slightly when his phone beeped. His heart rose to his throat when he checked his mobile, only for it to sink back down once he saw who had sent him the message.

It was Jack, asking if he was free for a coffee after work. Ianto sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He couldn’t deal with this, not now.

Ianto swiftly began typing a message back, saying that he had just been given a pile of work and thus, expected it to be a busy week. A weak excuse for sure, but the best he could come up with at the moment. 

While in the midst of replying, Ianto’s gaze fell on a spaghetti tangle of white paper in the wastepaper basket and felt his resolve waver as a memory pinged.

Jack had been right about the resignation letter, which Ianto had shredded as soon as he got into the office the next day. And he had also been right about Ianto needing to talk things out with his boss. As a result, she had eased off Ianto’s back, leaving him once more to run the library with clockwork precision. 

“Jack’s my friend, I can’t just ignore him,” Ianto thought, rubbing the back of his head. “We should be able to get past this.”

But Ianto knew deep down inside it was impossible, that there had been an irreversible shift in the dynamics of his relationship with Jack. And it terrified him, the part of him that wanted to kiss Jack and said to hell with the consequences. 

His mind made up, Ianto took a deep breath and pressed the “send” button. He didn’t even wait for the message to leave the outbox before composing one to Lisa, telling her he would be taking her out for dinner. 

“And that is that,” Ianto thought as he dropped the phone in his drawer before turning his attention back to work. 

However if Ianto thought that repeatedly declining Jack’s invitations would deter him, he didn’t know Captain Jack. If anything, it made Jack even more persistent, much to Ianto’s exasperation. 

On one hand, Ianto couldn’t blame Jack for his constant requests to meet up throughout the week. It was unlike Ianto to turn down the captain’s invite four days in a row. Jack probably knew something was up despite Ianto’s reassurances to the contrary.

On the other hand, Ianto wished Jack could take a bloody hint. 

It was Friday lunchtime before Jack finally resorted to calling instead of messaging. Ianto was having coffee in the university garden café when the call came through. He stared at his mobile for the longest time while it rang, knowing that he shouldn’t take it but realising that he couldn’t sidestep Jack forever. 

He steeled himself and picked up the call just before it went to voicemail. “Hi Jack.” 

“Mr. Jones, if I didn’t know better, I’d think you were avoiding me,” Jack said jokingly, but the mirth in his voice sounded forced.

“Why would I avoid you?” Ianto replied quietly, trying to keep his tone noncommittal. “I’ve just been busy that’s all.”

“Your boss still giving you trouble?” Jack asked concerned. Ianto couldn’t help smiling at little that Jack had remembered. 

“Actually no, I managed to settle things with her. You were right about going to her first Jack, thank you,” Ianto’s gratitude was sincere this time and Jack picked up on that. 

“Remember you owe me dinner. What about lunch tomorrow instead though? I’m in town until Sunday, then they are shipping me off to Japan for a few days,” Jack asked. 

“Sorry Jack I can’t, have lunch with a friend. She’s moving to London from Cardiff, so I am helping her get a flat sorted and all that,” Ianto said. At least he wasn’t lying, he did have plans with an old friend from university.

“Another time then. Will bring you back some green tea or some weird Japanese coffee beans,” Jack said sounding more like his old self. 

“No, no,” Ianto thought as leaned his forehead against the palm of his hand and closed his eyes. This was not working out the way he intended. 

“You don’t have to Jack,” Ianto said struggling to control his irritation. 

“It’s no trouble Ianto.”

“Seriously, no need to bother,” Ianto insisted, his voice colder than he intended. 

There was a beat of silence before Jack spoke. 

“No worries Ianto, leave me a message when you are free then,” Jack sounded cheerful enough but Ianto knew a false front when he saw one. 

“Bye Jack,” Ianto ended the call and put his head in his hands. It killed him, to hurt Jack deliberately like that. But if a simple two-minute conversation with the captain was enough to let his guard down, what would happen when they were actually together? 

“It’s for the best,” Ianto thought determinedly, crushing his coffee cup with more force than needed before tossing it into the trash. 

So why did he feel so shit? 

***

Jack resisted the impulse to throw his phone against the wall of his living room. Instead, he just tossed it on the couch and walked out onto the balcony of the flat, kneading his shoulder in a desperate attempt to loosen the stress knot there. 

Jack had been expecting Ianto to turn skittish after the sexual tension that had sparked between them the last time. That was a given as both of them were currently involved with other people and hardly able to act on their feelings. 

What he didn’t expect was how upset he was by the thought of Ianto probably now pegging Jack as some opportunistic, bum-grabbing pervert. 

“Great work Jack,” the captain muttered under his breath. And given his reputation, he knew it would have been easier to make Ianto believe that Jack was Queen of England than the fact that no, Jack really wasn’t trying to sleep with him. 

As handsome as Ianto was, it had never crossed Jack’s mind to start something with the younger man. After all, Jack had already decided that Gwen was the one for him, so he never felt the urge to stray. 

“Good luck convincing him now that you aren’t trying to get into his pants,” Jack chastised himself. 

Because now, Jack _did_ want him. 

Oh how he wanted him. 

Jack had never remembered wanting anyone this badly in a long time. It made him hard, it made him frustrated, it made him exhilarated and guilty all in one go. And they hadn’t even kissed yet. 

Jack yearned to screw Ianto senseless and then whisper endearments to him afterwards. To make those grey-blue eyes go cloudy and hear his name framed by that Welsh lilt, preferably followed by the words “fuck me”. 

Jack knew that the smart thing to do at this juncture was to write the entire friendship off. Chalk it up to a lust-induced moment of madness and be done with it. 

But it was different with Ianto. Jack couldn’t bring himself to let go just yet. 

Because it wasn’t just the lust, of that the captain was sure. Jack recognised lust, even grab-you-by-the-balls-hard lust such as this. But that wasn’t what made him feel so bereft. You couldn’t miss what you never had. 

Funnily enough, it was the thought of losing Ianto’s friendship that pained him the most. 

Jack laughed humorlessly. Wasn’t that a right kick in the teeth?

***

****

The Next Day

After two weeks of cold, London weather decided to be its usual unpredictable self and gave its residents a sunny Saturday afternoon.

Leaning against the plate glass display window outside Hamley’s, Ianto had already discarded his coat and tie, stuffing the latter into his pocket as he hooked the jacket over his arm. 

“What a perfect day for people watching,” Ianto thought as he pushed his sunglasses up his nose and took a deep drink of Evian. His lunch date had requested they meet at a landmark, and no store was more iconic to every child that visited London than Hamley’s.

Not that Toshiko Sato was a child, but Ianto had always considered her cute as a button with her almond shaped brown eyes and China doll bangs. He was glad to see that not much had changed as she walked up to him from the cab and gave him a rib-bruising hug. 

“Ianto Jones! Aren’t you looking all cool and composed,” she said, planting a kiss on his cheek. 

“And you Tosh, are sweet as always,” Ianto said, wrapping her in an affectionate embrace. 

“Ready to take me to lunch?” Tosh asked. “It’s on you right?”

“Of course, consider it my welcome to London treat for you,” Ianto offered his arm to her as he took her away from all the hubbub to a Spanish bar tucked behind Regent Street. 

“Saying that, considering you are the one shooting up the job ladder, shouldn’t you be buying me lunch?” Ianto half-joked to Tosh after they sat down.

“It’s no big deal, I just get given more work that’s all,” Tosh said contemplating the menu. 

Ianto knew she was being modest but then Tosh had a habit of hiding her light under a bushel, even in university. She had been doing her Masters when she was assigned to tutor him in his third year. 

As awestruck as he was at the sharpness of her mind, he adored her because she never saw the need to flaunt it. Like now, she made it sound as if being made the head of the government’s IT think tank was an everyday occurrence. 

“You must be excited about the move though. Leaving anybody behind?” Ianto asked delicately as he buttered a piece of bread. Tosh smiled at his tactful phrasing and shook her head. 

“You liking your job? Making any friends?” Tosh countered, hoping the lightness in her tone matched Ianto’s. But the frown on his face told her she hadn’t succeeded. 

“What is it with you and Lisa asking if I have made friends? You both make me sound as if I am some kind of loner that shies away from social contact,” Ianto replied, sounding more than a little put out. 

“It’s not that Ianto,” Tosh jumped in quickly. “You’ve always been sociable, but you always had a hard time letting people get close to you.”

Tosh knew however that it hadn’t always been that way. Lisa had previously told her that Ianto had very much been one of the lads, bent on enjoying his university life the only way a young twenty-something can. 

But that all changed when his dad was diagnosed with cancer at the start of his third year. The Ianto that Tosh had first met was a withdrawn young man who was steadfastly polite to a fault. It was only when they became friends that she caught glimpses of the laidback boy he used to be. 

“I suppose that’s not a good thing,” Ianto commented, nonplussed. 

“Not necessarily, it just means that if you trust someone than they really have earned it. At least you know that they will be there for you,” Tosh said squeezing his forearm. “Like me.”

Ianto replied with a small smile that told Tosh all was forgiven. But as they were being served their lunch, something about her earlier observation struck Ianto and brought into focus a startling revelation. 

“Does that mean I actually trusted Jack?” The thought surprised Ianto more than he expected it would.

“So, have you found me a place to stay yet?” Tosh asked, eagerly spearing a rosemary olive with her fork and popping it into her mouth. 

Putting Jack out of his mind for the moment, Ianto reached into his bag and proudly pulled out a four-inch thick file covered in multicoloured tabs. 

“Based on your rough outline, I’ve picked some flats that look suitable. I’ve broken it down into location and price, then cross-referenced it with availability and type of furnishings.” 

Tosh just stared at him with wide eyes. “We will be here all afternoon.”

“That’s not a bad thing,” Ianto winked and motioned for the waiter. “A bottle of _Cava_ please.”

***

****

One Week Later

Stepping out of the shower, Ianto roughly dried his hair as he glanced at the clock. Sighing when he saw it was one in the morning, he pulled on his boxers and threw the towel into the hamper. 

For some reason, he couldn’t sleep despite having gotten up early for half-day of work. He thought a warm shower would help, but it made him more awake if anything. Lisa was not around either as she was pulling an all-night shift at the hospital. 

“When all else fails, make tea I suppose,” Ianto thought, switching on the kettle as he cut up a lemon into wedges, being careful to remove his wedding ring so the gold wouldn’t react with the citric acid. 

While sipping his steaming mug of tea and thyme honey, Ianto settled himself in front of the TV in search of something interesting. After quickly passing over sci-fi reruns and badly made soft-core porn, he finally decided on BBC24 as his best option.

“What the hell?” Ianto bolted upright as images of a burning plane fuselage flickered across the screen. 

“Official word is that no new survivors have been pulled out of the plane crash wreckage at this time. To recap, two hours ago a Boeing…”

Ianto dropped his cup when he heard the newscaster mention the name of Jack’s airline, not even noticing when the hot liquid slopped against his knees. 

“No… Jack… it couldn’t have been his flight could it?” Ianto felt icy tendrils of fear spreading across his chest as he suddenly found it hard to breathe. Ianto knew Jack was flying this week but for the life of him he couldn’t remember where or for how long. 

He racked his brain as he tried to recall that day’s conversation. He remembered Jack mentioning Japan because of the coffee beans but the actual dates escaped him.

“Why didn’t I listen? Instead of being caught up in my own petty feelings… why didn’t I just fucking..”

Swearing under his breath, Ianto hurriedly changed to Sky News to see if he could garner any more details about the crash. What he heard made his blood run cold.

“The flight had been coming in from Japan when its landing gear malfunctioned forcing the pilot to make an emergency landing. The impact snapped the plane in half, with the front portion taking the most damage.”

Ianto didn’t even bother listening to the rest of the report before reaching for his phone. 

“He has to be safe, Jack has to be safe,” Ianto desperately repeated the words in hopes that they were true as he dialed Jack’s number with trembling fingers. 

He anxiously paced as he willed for the American to answer his call only to curse as it eventually went to voicemail. Ianto hit the redial button, pressing a knuckle into the taut skin of his left temple.

“Come on Jack, please. Please, please pick up the phone…”

“Ianto?”

“Jack! Fucking hell why didn’t you pick up?” Ianto berated the captain as sheer relief overtook him, leaving him weak-kneed and bolstered against his sofa for support.

“My phone was in the other room, what’s the matter with you?” Jack sounded utterly confused and Ianto suddenly felt the urge to strangle him.

“There was a plane crash Jack! It’s your airline….”

“Yeah I know, my colleagues called me as soon as it happened,” Jack said somberly. “The good news is the casualty count doesn’t look like it’s going to be high. The co-pilot survived but the pilot didn’t.”

Jack sighed. “Paul is… was… a good man. I feel for his family.”

Ianto closed his eyes at the obvious sorrow in the captain’s voice.

“I am so sorry.”

“You don’t have to be, you didn’t know him.” True, but Ianto knew the pain of losing a father. 

“I thought it might have been you, on that plane,” Ianto blurted out before he could stop himself. Ianto thought he heard Jack take a sharp intake of breath, but realised it could have just been a fault in the call connection.

“Well it wasn’t, so no need to concern yourself. Thanks for calling though,” Jack replied politely.

Ianto’s eyes flew open. Something wasn’t right, Jack was too calm, too composed for a man who had just lost his friend in a horrific accident.

“Jack, where is Gwen?” Ianto asked quietly.

“She’s in Cardiff visiting her parents. She went to bed hours ago though, so she probably doesn’t know about the crash otherwise she would be on her way back. But there’s nothing she can do, so I didn’t bother to wake her.”

Ianto felt a chill pass through him as he realised what was wrong. Jack was being entirely too civil with him. Given how he had treated Jack, the younger man had been prepared for Jack to be bitter, give him the cold shoulder or even treat him with disdain. 

Instead Jack sounded… not just apathetic… but emotionless. And it scared Ianto more than the news of the crash had. 

“I am coming over,” Ianto said decisively. “You shouldn’t be alone.”

“Ianto, I don’t need you to hold my hand.”

“Jack, please…let me come over,” Ianto entreated, gripping his phone harder. First there was silence, followed by a defeated sigh as Jack told Ianto his address. 

“I will be there in thirty minutes.”

***

Ianto made it in fifteen. 

When the captain opened the door, Ianto was surprised to find him fully dressed despite the lateness of the hour. His blue shirt was buttoned and tucked in while his braces were neatly in place. 

But his face told a different story. His handsome features looked haggard and his blue eyes were bloodshot. 

Ianto didn’t even bother to greet the American before pulling him close for a hug. He felt the worry finally seep from his marrow at the physical assurance that Jack was there, unhurt and in one piece. But he felt disheartened when Jack didn’t hug him back. 

“Sit down and talk to me,” Ianto said softly. Jack nodded and motioned to the dining room table, where Ianto saw he had made inroads into a bottle of Glenfiddich. 

Ianto’s felt another blow to his chest, Jack almost never drank. 

“Ten years ago, when I was still a rookie, I was co-piloting this private plane as sort of a job interview. It was a cushy position, flying this businessman around and I was being shown the ropes by his existing pilot who was retiring,” Jack spoke, pouring Ianto a whisky. 

“One day, during a routine take-off, the engine cut and the plane nosedived. All I could remember after that was being pulled out from the wreckage.”

Jack took a deep shuddering breath and clasped his hands together to keep from shaking.

“The press called me immortal…. the invincible man. Because by right, no one should have survived it,” Jack said ruefully. “But I spent every night after that wishing I did die.”

“That’s how I met Gwen,” Jack drained his whisky. “She was my shrink, but I don’t usually tell people that. Eventually, she helped the bad dreams go away but I don’t let her know that the guilt still lingers.”

“Why don’t you tell her, that it still haunts you?” Ianto asked.

“Because I am Jack Harkness, I’m supposed to be bullet-proof,” Jack joked, but his jest fell flat and he became quiet. 

But just like Jack had done for him, Ianto let the captain sit in his silence. 

After a few minutes, the captain drew a breath. 

“Because I don’t want her to psychoanalyse our life together Ianto. I want her to be my wife, not my psychiatrist treating me with kid gloves. That’s why I don’t let her see me fall apart like this.”

Ianto’s heart ached as another part of Jack revealed itself to him. Playful Jack…. perceptive Jack…. _vulnerable Jack_.

“You can fall apart in front of me,” Ianto offered, shocking Jack. Hell, he was surprised himself.

“I mean, what else are friends for?” The younger man gently placed his hand on Jack’s forearm. “I mean it. You can always fall apart in front of me, and it won't change my perception of you. I will even make you coffee.”

Ianto’s spirits lifted when he heard Jack chuckle. 

“Thanks Ianto,” Jack said touched at the offer. “I will be fine, don’t worry. This just brought back some bad memories that’s all.” 

Ianto nodded, believing the American’s words this time. 

“So… you were concerned about me huh?” Jack asked, his voice gaining back a glimmer of its familiar flirtatious tone. 

Ianto became flustered and looked down at his glass. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Because the last time we spoke, I got this impression that you were trying to avoid me,” Jack said deliberately. Ianto swallowed hard. 

“Don’t worry about that, I was just being stu…”

Before he could complete his sentence, Jack suddenly caught Ianto by the wrist and kissed him. Really kissed him. 

It wasn’t a brief thank you brush against the lips. It was the kiss Jack wanted to give Ianto that day. It was silky and as deeply passionate as a closed mouthed kiss could be. So much so that when they broke apart, both men were breathing heavily. 

“Ianto,” Jack said hoarsely. “I didn’t… I mean..”

“Shut up.” This time it was Ianto that grabbed Jack by the lapels to pull the captain’s mouth to his. 

Ianto’s lips parted as he brushed his tongue against the roof of Jack’s mouth. If the American was taken aback by Ianto’s aggression he didn’t show it. Instead he just sucked the younger man’s tongue and grazed his bottom lip with his teeth.

“Oh God.” Jack’s kiss was exactly like how Ianto imagined it would be, tasting of smoke and sex. Jack responded by pushing his tongue in deeper, catching the ghost-taste of burnt grass as a result of the tea Ianto had drunk earlier. 

Their hands were not idle either as Ianto started blindly undoing Jack’s buttons as Jack ran his hands up Ianto’s back under his t-shirt. 

“It’s not enough,” Jack had that sudden desperate thought as he pulled Ianto towards him so that the younger man was straddling him. Ianto gasped as their erections roughly ground together. 

“Jack..” Ianto panted as he helplessly fumbled with the captain’s braces, only managing to unsnap one before giving up and unzipping his trousers instead. Jack groaned into Ianto’s neck as the other man slipped his hand inside the opening and grabbed a handful of silk, cock and balls.

“Stand up,” Jack said roughly ordered, pulling them both to their feet. Jack made fast work of his shirt and trousers, leaving him only in a thin undershirt and boxers as Ianto discarded his own t-shirt. 

“Oh yeah,” Jack said throatily as he claimed Ianto’s mouth for another kiss and pressed him against the edge of the table. But Ianto was never the passive sort and pushed back against the captain as he broke the kiss. 

Jack hissed when Ianto clamped his teeth on the soft flesh of his earlobe and whispered darkly, “Why are you still wearing so many clothes?”

The American gave a sexy chuckle. “Why do you still have your pants on?”

Instead of answering, Ianto just traveled south, planting open mouth kisses across Jack’s broad chest. Ianto stopped at his nipples and gathered the thin cotton between his lips, buffering the sharp edges of his teeth as he bit and sucked. 

Jack ran his tongue over his teeth as he grabbed the back of Ianto’s head and guided it to the other nipple. The puckered flesh stiffened further as it got caught in the wet material. When his skin became too sensitive, Jack halted Ianto’s actions so that he could pull the shirt over his head.

“My turn Mr. Jones,” Jack said as he firmly maneuvered Ianto back against the table. Ianto gave a smirk that was just as wicked as the American’s. 

“Whatever you say Captain,” Ianto replied, cheekily pinching a bruised nipple between his thumb and forefinger. Jack just growled and dropped to his knees, enjoying the Ianto’s stuttered breathing as he pressed his palm against the hard ridge of the other man’s cock. 

Unsnapping the fly of Ianto’s jeans, Jack was about to pull it down when something caught his eye. Jack shot Ianto a dirty grin when he realised the other man had a tattoo. A Welsh dragon, hidden just below the beltline.

Once more, Ianto never failed to surprise him. 

“What?” Ianto asked defensively. Jack shook his head and shifted his attention.

“God bless Wales,” he said as he traced the outline of the tattoo with his tongue and sunk his teeth into Ianto’s pelvic bone for good measure. 

“Fuck Jack, don’t take your bloody time,” Ianto threaded his hands through Jack’s dark brown hair as he tried to push him lower. 

Taking pity on him, Jack hooked his thumbs on the waistband and in one rough tug, sent his pants and boxers tumbling to the floor, leaving him face to face with Ianto’s cock. 

Not overly long, but thick, the captain had to lick his lips at the pearlescent drops that were seeping from the eye of Ianto’s prick. Without preamble, he took the head of Ianto’s cock in his mouth, enjoying the way it jumped when he applied pressure.

“Shit…” 

The curse turned into a moan as Jack opened his throat to swallow the shaft deeper until his nose was buried in the tangle of pubic hair at the base. Ianto dug his nails into the captain’s shoulders when Jack cupped his ass and started moving back and forth. 

Jack had forgotten how much he loved giving head. There was something just so unbelievably erotic about the twitch of velvety flesh when he did it right. Ianto was certainly not complaining when Jack flicked his tongue against the sensitive underside and dug the tip into the slit at the top. 

“Don’t.. Stop… Jack… God,” Ianto panted as sparks danced up his spine. 

“Ianto,” Jack groaned as he let go of his cock and got to his feet so he could kiss the younger man. As Jack continued to stroke Ianto, equally eager hands scrabbled at the front of his boxers so the younger man could repay the favour. 

It was getting too much, and Jack needed to fuck him soon. 

“Wait,” he whispered as he regretfully stopped Ianto’s hands, which were simultaneously jerking him off and massaging his balls. Ianto blinked as Jack disappeared into a nearby room and soon emerged, sans his boxers, while holding a foil packet and a tube. 

Naked Jack Harkness was definitely a come-in-your-pants sight. But Ianto’s trepidation must have showed in his eyes as Jack stopped himself from ripping open the condom. 

“You've ... never done this before?” Jack asked gently. Ianto nodded and looked away, trying not to show how embarrassed he was at his lack of experience. Jack’s heart softened at the sight as he came to a decision. 

“Tell you what then… tonight, you take the lead,” Jack said softly, pressing the condom and lube into the other man’s hand. Ianto’s head snapped back as he met Jack’s eyes and his heart skipped at the blatant desire there. 

Jack was a natural top, but he wanted him so badly that he would have him any way he could. And Ianto saw that. 

“Come on, it’s rude to leave people waiting,” Jack winked as he lifted himself on the edge of the table. 

“Here?” Ianto murmured. 

“Don’t worry, its solid oak. Two elephants could fuck on this and it wouldn’t break,” Jack smirked as he rapped it with his knuckles. Ianto gave him a look.

“Are you saying I’m heavy Captain Harkness,” Ianto ripped the packet with his teeth and rolled the condom on. 

“I’m saying, if you don’t fuck me now, I won’t be responsible for my actions,” Jack mock threatened as he nipped Ianto’s jawline. Jack leaned back as he watched Ianto lube up his sheathed cock and spread his legs in anticipation. 

Jack flinched though when he felt the head of Ianto’s cock ream his tight opening, but perversely liking the bite of pain to his pleasure.

“I’m hurting you,” Ianto sounded remorseful, as he pulled out completely. “Oh Jack, I’m so sorry.”

“Hey, its okay,” Jack calmed him by laving his sensitive fingertips, which tasted faintly of lemon. Reaching for the lube, he squeezed a generous amount over the other man’s fingers. 

“You just need to… let your fingers do the walking,” Jack said huskily as he lead Ianto’s hand down his body, leaving a sticky shiny trail, before moving past his balls and pushing one finger in. 

“Get the idea?” Jack cocked an eyebrow. He arched his back when Ianto buried one finger deep inside his puckered entrance, which was quickly followed by another. 

As Ianto pumped his fingers inside Jack, the American moved his hips trying to get those fingers to graze his prostate. 

Unable to take the sight of Jack writhing on the table, Ianto swiftly replaced his hand with his cock, penetrating him until he was fully seated inside the captain. Breathing slowly so that he could control himself, Ianto pulled out slightly before giving an experimental thrust. 

Jack inhaled sharply through his teeth when Ianto started to fuck him, and he grabbed his cock in order to intensify the sensation. 

“How do you feel?” Ianto, concerned even as his lust threatened to overcome him. But the dirty laugh that Jack gave in return made tingles go off beneath his skin. 

Pulling Ianto closer so that they were only an inch apart, Jack looked him straight in the eye and said, “Full.”

“Tight,” Jack undulated his hips so that Ianto’s dick hit his sweet spot. “So… fucking …good,” He drew out his words, punctuating each of them with a kiss.

Ianto groaned as he started thrusting again. The living room filled with the sounds of their ragged breathing and the slap of Jack’s cock against Ianto’s hair roughened belly. 

Jack bit his lip, it was good but it was too fucking slow. Picking up his head, he murmured into Ianto’s ear, “Don’t be so gentle with me baby, I am not going to break.”

The endearment, coupled with the roll of Jack’s hips almost caused Ianto to lose it. Burying his face into Jack’s neck, Ianto snapped his hips forward in increasingly erratic movements, managing only a handful more thrusts before he came. 

The heat from Ianto’s cum almost pushed Jack over the edge, but it was just not enough. Still, he held Ianto until the end of his orgasm although he himself was dying to come. 

It was only when Ianto’s world swam back into focus that he noticed the captain’s leaking cock jabbing into his stomach. 

“Can you stand?” Ianto asked quietly as he pulled out. Jack nodded as he lowered his feet to the ground, leaning against the table to compensate for the unsteadiness in his legs.

Dropping to his knees, Ianto hesitated. He hadn’t given a blowjob since high school, but the quiver in Jack’s cock told him how close he was. Wrapping his fingers around the base, Ianto just sucked hard on the tip. 

Jack throwing back his head was all the warning Ianto got before he came. The younger man pulled back just in time as the captain’s semen caught him on the chin and the chest. 

Sliding down to the floor next to Ianto, Jack gingerly kissed the younger man as he rubbed away the remnants of his climax. But even before the afterglow faded, it began to dawn on both of them exactly what had just happened.

“I will get rid of this, okay?” Jack said quietly as he pulled the condom off Ianto’s penis and tied the end. 

After he had flushed it down the toilet, Jack came back to find Ianto dressed in his jeans on the chair with his head between his hands. 

“What just happened?” Ianto asked as if in a daze. Jack swallowed and took a step forward.

“I don’t know,” he said honestly as he pulled on his trousers. 

“I didn’t even think about… I mean it never even occurred to me…” Ianto choked on his words, as guilt gripped his windpipe. That was all the impetus Jack needed before he shook Ianto by the shoulders.

“Stop. Don’t say it..”

“What do you mean don’t say it?!” Ianto exploded, shoving Jack backwards. “Do you realise what we just did?” 

Ianto got up so quickly it made his head swim, but Jack caught him as he stumbled backwards. 

“Calm down Ianto,” Jack said softly. Ianto glared at the captain, his grey-blue eyes stormy. 

“I am not going to calm down Jack,” Ianto spat. “What came over us? Why did we do this?” 

“I don’t know! If I did, I would tell you,” Jack turned Ianto by the shoulders so he could look him square in the eye. 

“Maybe it was because we both needed comfort. Maybe it’s because I am just so damn attracted to you. But I really don’t know why so stop asking!” 

Jack was the one that was angry now causing Ianto to bow his head. 

“What I do know however, is that I don’t want this to stop,” Jack said quietly, but his words carried a steely edge of determination. Ianto’s head jerked up, his lips twisted in a scowl.

“What? The sex,” Ianto said sarcastically. 

“Yes, the sex, but it’s not just that,” Jack’s anger petered out as he pulled Ianto back down to the chair. 

“It’s the connection Ianto, it’s our friendship,” Jack added sadly.

“But I won’t lie and say that I don’t want you again. And I won’t lie and tell you that if you walk away, I can remain your friend. Because I can’t, so don’t ask me. But I can’t force you to do something you don’t want to.”

Jack knelt at Ianto’s feet and took his hand. “So tell me Ianto, do you want this to end?”

For a moment Ianto just contemplated Jack’s thumb rubbing circles on the top of his knuckles. Jack’s touch… Jack's presence… could he really let that go?

Ianto took a deep breath and slowly raised his gaze to meet Jack’s.

“No…” he answered, wrapping his arms around Jack’s neck to kiss him. Jack kissed him back as he guided him towards the guest bedroom. 

It was another hour before Ianto finally made it home.


	5. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, thanks as always for reading!

***

_We meet every day, at the same café,_  
_Six-thirty, and no one knows he’ll be there, _  
_Holding hands, making all kinds of plans,_   
_While the jukebox plays our favourite songs. (1)_

***

**Two Weeks Later**

Ianto was attempting to climb Mount Everest.

Alright, maybe that was an exaggeration, but it was how he felt as he contemplated the ten-inch thick stack of papers in front of him. 

As it was approaching the end of the semester, it was his job to process the special requests of the university’s many students. This included access to the archive section, permission to take out multiple copies of the same book and so on. 

The process could actually be done throughout the year but it was only when deadlines loomed that each student realised they needed a specific book that wasn’t available in the public section of the library. Hence most procrastinated until the very last minute, resulting in Ianto nursing a very bad headache. 

“Why is time organisation such a foreign concept to these people?” Ianto groused as he reached for the first folder. Usually Ianto sped through these cases as fast as he could, but for some reason today he found it hard to get started. 

Maybe it was because it was six and dark, a stark reminder that he had been cooped up in his single window cubbyhole of an office the whole day. Or maybe because it was a Friday and he knew that he was going to be pulling an all-nighter. 

Regardless, the lion’s share had to be done tonight as it was one of those rare nights where he had nothing to do. Jack was flying and Lisa was doing her own late night shift at the hospital.

The matter-of-fact way the thought came to him should have bothered him, but it amazed Ianto how easy it was for him to compartmentalise his life. 

Because of the plane crash, Jack’s airline grounded all its planes for a week to undergo a battery of inspections. During that time, he and Ianto would meet up in the evenings, usually for a quick bite before making their way back to Jack’s pilot quarters located near Heathrow. 

And when both were sore and satisfied a few hours later, Ianto made the transition back to his normal life with not a hickey in sight. He cooked Lisa dinner, asked her how her day was, not out of politeness but because he still cared about his wife. Even if Lisa noticed that Ianto coming home later than usual, she never mentioned it.

Sighing to himself, Ianto opened up the folder and quickly scanned the request slip before clicking on the update icon on his desktop. As he reached for his headphones, at the same time Ianto absently checked for new messages on his phone as well as on his new toy, a brand new iPhone. 

It had been a gift from Jack, and only had his number programmed on it that would allow him to receive messages while in the cockpit. Although Ianto had been extremely reluctant to accept it at first, given the knot of worry he felt in his stomach every time Jack flew, the younger man was grateful for the almost instantaneous method of contact. 

Not to say Ianto didn’t feel guilty for his relationship with Jack. He knew the other man felt it too, especially when their partners did something nice for them. But it was as if he and Jack were encased in a perfect glass bubble when they were together, where nothing could touch or affect them.

It also probably helped that neither treated the other like a convenient shag. In fact, if Ianto had a word for it, he felt as if Jack was romancing him. 

First had been the phone, then there had been Jack consistently picking up the tab, which outwardly left Ianto annoyed but inwardly flattered. 

It also made it easier for Ianto to tap into his own romantic side, but his gestures were smaller - a cup of coffee, an organised go bag, neatly pressed clothes in all the right drawers. Yet they all spoke of concern, showing just how front and centre the captain was in Ianto’s thoughts. 

Ianto wasn’t disappointed though when he saw that he had no new messages. Jack had told him that the airline had doubled up on all shifts, eager to gain back the business they lost as a result of the accident.

But he still coloured a touch scarlet when he remembered the last message he had received from Jack while he was in Australia.

“It’s spring/summer here, what a contrast to dreary London. Saw a punnet of blood red cherries at the market and bought them thinking of you”.

Ianto had to shake his head at how flirtatious Jack sounded, even through text. But that wasn’t what made him blush. The message was undoubtedly the result of a conversation they had the last time they were together. 

Jack had been giving him a rather languorous rim job at the time, which had Ianto’s hips trembling as he desperately humped the mattress. The captain had discovered early on how sensitive the crack of Ianto’s ass was and that he got off on anal licking as potently as any blowjob. 

However, in the short time they had been together, Ianto was still the one on top. So in between pants, he timidly asked if Jack wanted a change. 

The American had simply chuckled and said, “Oh don’t worry, I will fuck you soon enough. This cherry is mine.”

He had then possessively pushed his index finger into Ianto’s asshole up to the second knuckle, just stopping short of his prostate. 

“Bastard.” Ianto had rolled his eyes then at Jack’s filthy mouth, but was unable to fully suppress the dark shiver of pleasure that coursed through him at the prospect of being taken by the captain. 

“Bastard,” Ianto echoed his earlier curse under his breath as he readjusted his trousers. He had no intention of letting thoughts of Jack ruin yet another of his favourite blue pinstripe suits.

Switching on his music, Ianto immersed himself in his work as he swiftly made changes to master records while rejecting incomplete slips. His powers of concentration were such that when his boss June stopped by his office to ask for a file, he was surprised to find that two hours had passed and that his work pile had significantly diminished.

After stretching the kinks out of his neck, Ianto was about to go back to work when his phone pinged, indicating that he had a new chat message.

“What are you wearing?” It was Jack of course.

“Pervert,” Ianto thought fondly as he responded with, “Nothing, I am just sitting here completely naked. I am very cold though.”

Ianto smiled at the speed at which Jack answered, but he sat up when he read the captain’s message. 

“Cool, come by the window so I can see.”

In two quick steps Ianto was by his window and sure enough there was Jack standing at the steps of the university, the tails of his coat caught up in gusts of wind. 

“Liar,” came Jack’s next message and Ianto had to laugh. 

“Give me a minute, I will let you in,” he typed back with a smile on his face. 

*** 

“What are you doing here?” Ianto asked after he had given Jack a brief hug and kiss, surreptitiously running his hand over the silky back of the captain’s dark blue waistcoat. “Thought you were flying for three days straight.”

“I am but my flight today got in a little early. And since I am co-piloting my next flight and only have to be at Heathrow by four am, I figured I would come see you,” Jack said simply. 

Came to see him…. _Him_…. not Gwen. Ianto could not stop the sliver of petulant satisfaction he felt that he had gotten one over. 

“You could have called though. I actually have a lot of work to get done tonight,” Ianto reproached Jack lightly. Yes he was happy to see him, but it was in Ianto’s bones to like structure. Not that it was always possible now with Hurricane Jack upending his life. 

Despite feeling a tad crestfallen that Ianto wasn’t extremely enthusiastic over his surprise visit, Jack wasn’t that worried. He was starting to learn how Ianto’s buttons worked and when exactly to push them. 

And of course, when to unbutton them. 

“Let me keep you company then. You’ve always liked my company,” Jack offered, pulling up a chair. Ianto eyed him warily.

“Well, as long as you don’t try and cop a feel or do anything funny,” Ianto warned. Jack tried to look hurt. 

“Would I do that?”

“Yes, you would,” Ianto said bluntly. But he tempered his jibe with a brush of his lips to Jack’s forehead, “It’s great to see you here though Jack.”

A knock at the door quickly broke the two men apart. Ianto hastily pushed his chair away from Jack as June walked in.

“Ianto, could you….. oh hello?” June stopped short as she took in the handsome man sitting next to Ianto. “You are?”

“This is my friend Jack. Jack, meet my boss June,” Ianto made the introductions aware that June’s expression was taking on a distinct deer-in-the-headlights look. “He is from out of town and decided to drop by and visit.”

“Now Ianto, you know we aren’t supposed to have strangers in the office after hours,” June reprimanded. But the way she tweaked a blond curl and tugged at the edges of her flower print blouse told Ianto she was hardly upset. 

“Please don’t blame him, I made him do it. It really is my fault,” Jack apologised, gently kissing the back of her hand. 

Ianto had to stop himself from rolling his eyes, Jack could really lay it on thick sometimes. But it was clearly working judging by the way his boss was staring at the captain. Most women did tend to trip over their own feet and down the stairs when Jack started to talk in his sexy drawl. 

“You want me to lock up June?” Ianto asked, trying not to laugh at the mental imagery. 

“Um, yes. I am leaving soon. Nice to have met you Jack,” she dared a smile as she turned on her heel. “Now you two don’t get up to anything naughty later.”

“Oh if you only knew,” Jack gave June his award winning smile before firmly shutting the door behind her. 

“She’s not bad, exactly like you described her,” Jack said as he perched on the edge of Ianto’s desk. 

“Well you can continue flirting with her if you like, her office is down the hall. Now if you will excuse me, I have work to do,” Ianto dismissed Jack with a wave of his hand as he turned back to his computer. 

“Hey Ianto…”

Ianto looked up as Jack leaned forward to murmur huskily in his ear.

“Did I ever tell you offices turn me on?”

“What doesn’t turn you on Jack?” Ianto replied brusquely. “It was stopwatches the last time.”

Jack shrugged. “World hunger, beached whales, those really cheap extreme sport home video shows. And hey, you liked it when I used the stopwatch.”

“But now,” Jack began as he turned Ianto’s chair so he was facing him, “I am more interested in the big space under your desk.”

In the split second it took Ianto to comprehend Jack’s words, the captain dropped to his knees and unbuckled the other man’s belt. In two shakes he had Ianto’s zipper down and wasted no time mouthing the younger man’s cock through his black briefs.

“Jack! Stop…. not here….” But Ianto’s sentence dissolved into a moan as Jack pulled down the waistband to reveal the root of his rapidly hardening prick. 

“You were saying?” Jack said playfully, his voice muffled as he dragged down Ianto’s underwear using his teeth, fully exposing his cock. 

Taking Ianto’s silence as a good sign, Jack quickly took the younger man’s shaft into his mouth before he had the presence of mind to object. 

“Jack,” Ianto groaned as he grabbed handfuls of the captain’s hair. Jack absolutely adored the power trip he got from undoing Ianto’s ramrod exterior. And he damn near creamed in his boxers when he heard his name said in a voice that was all soul and whisky, edged by that soft Welsh brogue. 

But before Ianto could really get into it, Jack pulled back and released the other man’s cock from his mouth with a soft plop. 

“Do you still want me to stop?” Jack asked as he licked his lips, breaking the connecting strands of saliva and pre-cum. Ianto almost growled at the loss of contact.

“A good man finishes what he started,” Ianto said roughly. Jack smirked.

“Glad to see you think I am a good man,” Jack replied as he planted a series of kisses along Ianto’s length, scooting backwards slightly into a more comfortable position. 

Ianto leaned back to allow Jack better access, watching the captain through half-lidded eyes as his cheeks hollowed while fellating him. 

Part of Ianto wanted Jack to finish him off quickly, aware as he was of their surroundings. The other part wanted it to last as long as possible, the chance of getting caught adding an edge to Jack’s blowjob as his tongue teased all his sweet spots. 

“I’m getting close Jack,” Ianto moaned softly as he felt his balls start to tighten. 

But both men started when there was a knock at the door followed by a quiet, “Ianto?”

“Fuck,” Ianto mouthed as his eyes met Jack’s. Grabbing the closest file, Ianto opened it above his lap in order to conceal the captain as much as he could. Jack helped by trying to squeeze into the space under the desk, but it was simply not built to hide a six-foot frame.

“Yes June?” Ianto answered, hoping he sounded calm. June popped her head around the door, but her smile dimmed a little when she saw Jack was not there. 

“Where is your friend?” she asked, opening the door wide and leaning against the doorjamb. 

“Jack had to go, flight to catch and all that. Besides, I really do have a lot to get done tonight,” Ianto said casually, glad that Jack had at least stilled his movements. But for some reason, he still kept Ianto’s cock in his mouth.

“Oh I see,” June answered, her hand tightening on the strap of her handbag. 

However, she just didn’t make any move to leave, instead she just stood there shifting her weight back and forth between the balls of her feet. 

Through gritted his teeth Ianto uttered a terse, “Is there anything else you want June?”

“Well, your friend Jack… is he single perchance?” June asked, the words coming out in a rush as fidgeted with her handbag. Ianto’s jaw almost dropped but he swore he could feel Jack’s arrogant smile around his cock. 

“I mean, I am not usually this forward,” June tripped over herself to explain her actions, which Ianto made feel a little sorry for her. 

“Don’t worry, Jack has that effect on most people. Not me though, I never saw what was so attractive about him,” Ianto said in a tone that was way too blasé for Jack’s liking. Especially since at the moment, Ianto was using the toe of his shoe to graze the side of his thigh. 

“Well you wouldn’t understand I suppose. You’re married and straight. But trust me, he is a knockout,” June said, the words accompanied by a slight blush to her cheeks which made her look younger than Ianto had ever seen before.   
“Regardless, he is currently preoccupied with someone else. Sorry June,” Ianto tried to sound as apologetic as he could even as Jack started flicking his tongue in a way that had his hips twitching of their own volition. 

A warning nudge to Jack’s ankle also went unheeded as the captain slowly started to move his head back and forth. 

“Fuck you Jack,” Ianto thought as he dug his nails into the edge of his desk so hard that he chipped the shellac. 

“They always are,” June said in a resigned tone. “I will see you tomorrow then, but you are looking a little flushed. You feeling well?” she asked as she saw the fine beads of sweat on Ianto’s forehead. 

“I am fine. Office heating you know,” Ianto was finding it increasingly hard to string a sentence together because Jack suddenly decided to deepthroat him. When Jack swallowed, his throat muscles massaging Ianto’s cock, the younger man bit his thumb so hard it bruised.

“You should get some rest, we don’t want you taking sick leave so close to the end of term,” June said briskly as she finally turned to leave.

Oh God, Jack had moved to his balls now, slowly sucking them in his mouth while rubbing his knuckles over the silky skin of his scrotum. It was all Ianto could do nod a goodbye to his boss. 

It was only when June was out of sight that Ianto threw the file aside and pushed away from his desk. 

“Get off,” he growled in a voice that told Jack not to press his luck. Backing away with his hands lifted in surrender, Jack got to his feet with a satisfied grin on his face.

Ianto quickly locked the door before leaning against it, his cock still fully erect and dripping on his trousers. He looked down in dismay.

“So much for not letting Jack stain another pair of trousers,” Ianto grimaced at the thought.

“I am liking your boss even more now,” Jack smirked as he approached the younger man. 

“And you are a right bastard,” Ianto snapped, pulling Jack closer for a rough kiss. “Suck me,” he ordered, pushing Jack to the floor. The captain was more than happy to continue his assault on the other man’s dick, but Ianto was so hard Jack knew he wasn’t going to last. 

A couple more sucks and the gentlest tug of his balls was all Ianto needed to climax. He let out a straggled groan as Jack tried to take in all of his spunk. Even when Ianto was finished, Jack still held on to his hips so as not to let him fall.

“You okay?” Jack asked as he stood up, nonchalantly wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. Ianto nodded as he felt his strength returning to him. 

“That was fun,” Jack said in such a cheeky way that Ianto suddenly felt like throwing him over his lap and spanking him.

“Another time maybe,” Ianto thought wryly. Out loud he said, “Step back will you.” 

Ianto pushed them both away from the door and knelt down at the American’s feet. Jack raised an eyebrow when Ianto deftly started undoing his belt.

“I thought you had work to do?” Jack said softly. Ianto smiled against Jack’s now bare stomach as he pulled down his briefs. 

“I have a horny captain to take care off,” Ianto left a trail of wet kisses from Jack’s navel to the tip of his cock, relishing the sharp, musky taste that filled his mouth. Although he had tried to act cool about it, their little game under the table had the American raring to go. 

Ianto was not as skilled at blowjobs as Jack, but what he lacked in finesse he made up for in sheer enthusiasm. 

“Oh yeah Ianto.” Jack clung on to Ianto’s shoulders as the younger man cupped his buttocks and opened up his throat. Jack was so caught up in chasing his orgasm that he didn’t realise he was practically fucking Ianto’s mouth. 

Not that Ianto minded quite frankly. He maliciously sped up the process with quicksilver flicks of his tongue while kneading Jack’s testicles. When the captain finally came, he was lodged so deep in the back of Ianto’s throat that he couldn’t help but swallow. 

As Jack took deep breaths to recover, Ianto neatly tucked him back into his trousers and spat any remaining cum into a tissue. For a minute, neither of them said anything as they brushed down their clothing and made themselves presentable.

Finally Jack couldn’t take it anymore and drew Ianto nearer so he could kiss him. An extremely gentle kiss that belied the heady passion that came before it. When the younger man returned the intimate gesture, Jack could taste himself in the deepest recesses of Ianto’s mouth. 

“You aren’t mad at me are you?” Jack asked, kissing Ianto on the forehead. 

“Would it do me any good if I were?” Ianto responded by running his knuckle over Jack’s bottom lip. “No I am not mad Jack, but I do have to get back to work.”

“Let me help you at least. I am the reason you are behind after all.” Ianto felt a tug at his heartstrings at the offer, but frowned when he saw Jack give a jaw-cracking yawn. Usually it took more than this to tire the American out.

“Have you been sleeping? I know you don’t sleep that much, but are you getting any at all?” 

Jack sheepishly shook his head and Ianto sighed. 

“Tell you what, why don’t you nap for an hour while I finish this up. Then we can go for a drink or something?” Ianto sat Jack down on the small sofa that took up a corner of his office. 

Jack thought about protesting, but gave up when he yawned again. Lying down, all he remembered before closing his eyes was Ianto covering him with his coat. The next thing he knew, he was gently being shaken awake.

“Jack, I’m done,” Ianto said quietly. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, Jack stretched and got to his feet, feeling decidedly refreshed. 

“What time is it?”

“Twelve-thirty, you ready for that drink now?” Ianto asked, shaking out Jack’s greatcoat and slipping it over his shoulders. Jack nodded. 

“Funnily enough, I didn’t picture your office like this. How do you stand sitting here day in day out?’ 

Ianto smiled as he switched off his computer and straightened his desk. 

“I’m not usually here. I just come back to do admin work, otherwise I’m always at the library,” Ianto shrugged on his mac. “Actually if you have time, let me show you my _real_ office.” 

“Lead the way then,” Jack said offering Ianto his arm in a chivalrous gesture as he opened the door with a flourish. 

***

“Wow,” Jack said in awe as he looked around at the university library. “This is what you are in charge of?”

Ianto just silently nodded as he flipped on the switch, flooding the library’s corners with light. He wasn’t surprised at Jack’s reaction, he himself still felt a sense of wonder when he stepped through the doors. 

Everything about the building's architecture was a play between light and space. Four storeys high, the library’s floors cut away in the middle of the building to form balconies overlooking the main area. As a result, there was an uninterrupted view from the ground floor of the centre square to the roof’s glass skylights. 

The floor was predominantly white marble, accented with black marble diamonds and rectangles, while the balcony railings looked like ribbons of white wrought iron interspersed between the roman columns. 

“This seems too pretty to waste on students Ianto,” Jack said. 

“We rent it as an event space as well. So we have parties here, but mostly people use it for their wedding receptions. Once the holidays hit, it is pretty packed.”

“Weddings huh? I wonder if…” Jack stopped short as he caught himself. But he wasn’t fast enough he realised when he saw a flicker of hurt in Ianto’s eyes. 

“Wonder if what Jack?” Ianto asked, knowing and hating the answer, yet unable to stop himself. 

“Nothing Ianto,” Jack said in a voice that left no room for argument. “Nothing,” he said more gently as he reached for Ianto’s hand only to have him turn away.

“Let me take you through the stacks,” Ianto said calmly, but Jack caught the implied message. Ianto was telling him to drop it.

“Stacks?” Jack asked, falling instep with Ianto. 

“People normally call them bookcases. I will show you my favourite sections,” Ianto said, fiddling with the switches so only the top two floors were partially illuminated by soft down lighting.

“So that security doesn’t wonder why the library is all lit up at night and comes to investigate,” Ianto explained when he saw Jack’s confused expression. 

After taking the lift up, Ianto easily navigated his way through the labyrinth of shelves to show Jack the science fiction and anthropology section. He pointed out to him his favourite authors and journals, allowing Jack a glimpse of his more intellectual side. 

Eventually they ended up on the top floor, in front of the rare books section that was cordoned off from the rest of the library. Ianto produced a key and let them both in, Jack trying not to sneeze as dust tickled his nose. 

“Here is where we keep our first editions, signed copies and one-of-a-kind journals. But I bet you don’t know what else we keep in here,” Ianto gave a sly smile. 

“What? Ancient erotica?” Jack laughed.

“Exactly,” Ianto enjoyed the shocked look on Jack’s face as he pointed to the middle of the bookcase. “Maybe not ancient, rather we have a series of Parisian sex manuals. A few years ago, the university librarian was a damn horny bastard who blew the entire library budget on these things.”

Jack laughed as he picked a book at random and turned it over in his hands.

“He got sacked I presumed?” Jack said as he carefully thumbed through the pages. His French was rusty but the explicit drawings didn’t need description.

“The university has been trying to sell them for ages, but so far no buyers,” Ianto smirked. “You would be amazed how many people go in looking for specific journals and come out with hard-ons.”

“I can imagine,” Jack stopped at one page and showed it to Ianto. “We should try this,” he said offhandedly as he tapped a drawing with his fingernail. 

Ianto took one look and felt his blood heat. The picture was of a couple in mid-coitus, with the woman pinned against the wall with her legs around her partner’s waist as he fucked her. 

“When?” Ianto asked, his words stuttering a little as he closed the book and returned it to the shelf. 

“What about right now?” The captain’s voice took on a sexy rasp, as he crowded Ianto so that he was pressed against the shelf. Ianto bit his lip to stop a moan as Jack ran a possessive hand down his chest to cup his groin. 

Ianto knew he shouldn’t be allowing this, but that almost mention of Gwen earlier made a part of him frantic for a physical reminder that Jack ultimately chose to spend time with him.

“Are there any cameras around here?” Jack asked, nibbling Ianto’s earlobe. Jack swore under his breath when Ianto nodded. “Is there a blind spot anywhere?”

Ianto let out a slow shuddery breath when he grabbed Jack’s wrist to press his palm against his cock. The younger man ran his tongue over his bottom lip when he heard the captain’s breathing becoming uneven.

“Follow me,” Ianto said hoarsely, leading Jack to a small room beyond the shelves. It was where books were taken to be repaired, and Ianto knew that its security cameras were out for regular maintenance. 

Along the way they lost the captain’s coat and Ianto’s suit jacket, leaving both in crumpled heaps on the floor as Jack pinned the younger man to the closest bookcase. 

“Jack… please.” Ianto didn’t know what he was begging for. For Jack to strip him… to touch him… to fuck him. 

“Oh God Ianto, I want to take you. In this way, so I can be deep inside you,” Jack said as he ran his tongue along the underside of Ianto’s jaw. 

“Then take me,” Ianto said breathlessly, tipping Jack’s face upwards so he could kiss him. So he could lose himself in those lust-filled china blue eyes. 

“You sure?” Jack asked as he parted Ianto’s legs with his knee so that he could rub their erections together. Ianto simply gasped and nodded his head.

“I will take it slow then,” Jack whispered as he undid the knot of Ianto’s tie with patient fingers. Ianto closed his eyes as the captain slowed down the pace a few notches as he threw the tie to one side and started nuzzling the base of his neck. 

When Jack reached up to kiss him again, Ianto bit the tip of his tongue when it ventured too deep as he undid the captain’s waistcoat, followed by his shirt leaving him topless. Jack did him one better, expertly undoing Ianto’s black shirt with one hand while the other undid his trousers so it pooled on the floor.

The captain sighed against Ianto’s skin as he breathed in the smell of musk and black tea in the hollow of his breastbone. Jack gingerly rolled a dark nipple around his teeth as Ianto slid a hand under the captain’s waistband to grab his cock.

Eventually Jack ended up kneeling in front of Ianto, running his hands up and down the younger man’s thighs as he drank in the sight of his pale body framed by the black shirt. The red ink of his tattoo stark against his milky white skin. 

Unable to control himself, Jack bit into the soft skin of Ianto’s inner thigh, which earned him a sharp tug on his hair.

“No marks,” Ianto warned, even as his blue eyes turned opaque with lust. It was one of their mutually agreed rules, no visible love bites. But Jack threw caution to the wind and sank his teeth into the flesh at the juncture of Ianto’s thighs, as he twisted his wrist around the other man’s cock to distract him. 

Jack leaned back on his heels to admire his handiwork, a smug smile on his face as he saw the skin nearest to Ianto’s dick start to bruise purple. 

“Enough with the foreplay Jack,” Ianto said through gritted teeth. Jack nodded and kissed the tip of Ianto’s cock before asking him to turn around. He then wasted no time parting Ianto’s ass to stick his tongue into that tight opening. 

Jack traced circles around the puckered skin, as he reached into the pocket of his trousers for a condom and a tube of KY. 

“Hold on to this will you.” Jack slid the condom in between Ianto’s fingers as he flipped open the top of the lubricant. Ianto had to laugh. 

“You couldn’t give me a call to say you were coming, but you managed to stop by a pharmacy first?” Ianto cocked a wry eyebrow at Jack who just winked unapologetically in return. 

Ianto hissed as he felt one of Jack’s fingers penetrate him, his body automatically tightening around the digit. 

“Shh, relax,” Jack murmured soft words of encouragement as he added another finger to the mix. When Ianto started to arch into his touch, Jack pushed his two fingers in as deep as it would go until it hit the webbing between his fingers. 

“Good?” Jack asked as he carefully bent his fingers inside Ianto so that he could find his prostate. Scissoring his fingers so he could relax the ring of muscle.

“Good, but not enough,” Ianto handed the condom back to the captain as he leaned back and tried to fuck himself on Jack’s fingers.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Jack said quietly as he undid his belt and pushed his underwear down just enough to free his cock. He staved off touching himself as he ripped open the foil packet and unrolled the condom over his length. 

“You are not going to hurt me, just… fuck me please,” Ianto said, his voice fraying slightly at the edges. 

Jack took a deep breath and used his thumb to stretch Ianto’s opening before pushing the tip of his penis inside. Pouring more lube over his cock, Jack wrapped an arm around Ianto’s waist to brace him before penetrating any deeper.

“Oh Jack, yes…” Ianto moaned. Jack was so big that he stretched him to the point that it was almost painful. But when Jack gave a small thrust and brushed that sensitive spot Ianto cursed. 

“Ah! Fuck...” 

Jack cocked his head to one side as that wicked grin spread across his face.

“Since you asked,” Jack pushed in harder this time, forcing Ianto to lock his elbows so he didn’t hit the bookcase. The captain continued to pick up speed, the zipper of his pants leaving scratches against his partner’s skin while his hips buffeted against Ianto’s ass.

“That’s it Jack, bugger me harder.” The words fell demanding and unbidden from Ianto’s lips as a coil of pleasure tightened in the lower part of his stomach. 

Jack almost lost it when Ianto started to beg, but he didn’t want him to finish this way. 

“Turn around,” he ordered, abruptly pulling out leaving Ianto feeling bereft.

“Jack?” 

“Get on the shelf as much as you can.” Jack lifted Ianto by the waist so that he could rest on the narrow edge. Ianto nodded in understanding, grabbing the wood for purchase as he wrapped his legs around Jack’s hips.

The younger man was so slick and open that it only took one stroke for Jack to impale him on his cock. Jack grabbed the shelves and started to fuck Ianto in earnest, slamming him so hard that the bookcase creaked and shuddered.

“Yeah, you feel amazing baby. Tight and hot like I imagined,” Jack said, his voice smoky as he flicked his tongue against Ianto’s, which felt cool after all his open mouth pants.

Ianto simply clung on to the captain’s shoulders as he drove him again and again into the bookcase, undoubtedly bruising him but the other man was past caring. 

“Jack! I’m…” Ianto choked as he arched his back and striped both their abdomens with his semen. The tightening of Ianto’s body around him was enough to trigger Jack’s orgasm as he bit into the younger man’s cloth covered shoulder and let go, buried as deep inside him as he could. 

As they both came down from their high, Jack suddenly became mindful of the awkward position Ianto was in. 

“Did I hurt you?” He asked as he helped Ianto down. 

“Ow,” Ianto said, but his tone was teasing as he kissed Jack on the bridge of his nose. 

Yes he did hurt. Ianto was sore and bruised, the throbbing in his shoulder just masking the ache he felt lower down. But the satisfaction and contentment he was currently feeling outweighed any physical pain. 

When Jack pulled out and discarded the condom by wrapping it in tissue from the flat pack Ianto offered him, he was glad to see there was no blood. However, he felt a twinge of worry when he saw Ianto frowning.

“I did hurt you didn’t I Ianto?” Jack said contrite as he embraced the younger man.

“No it’s not that, I just realised I have to clean this up on Monday morning,” Ianto sighed, annoyed when he saw the number of books they had dislodged as a result of their shagging.

“I can help,” Jack offered until a faint tinkling got his attention. “Is that my phone?”

Jack scrambled through his discarded clothes until he managed to unearth his mobile. “Shit,” he muttered as he answered the call.

“Hi Gwen, how are you sweetheart?” Jack sandwiched the phone between his ear and shoulder as he zipped up his trousers. “Yeah I am stuck at the airport at the moment, flying off in a few hours.”

Ianto felt a wave of consternation hit him when he saw how easily the lie came to Jack. Shaking his head to displace any negative feelings, he motioned to the captain that he was going to the bathroom to clean himself up and throw away the rubbish.

When Ianto came back a few minutes later with his shirt neatly buttoned and his trousers back on, Jack was just ending the call.

“Me too honey, see you in a few days.”

Ianto felt a kick to his stomach. He didn’t need to hear Gwen’s side of the conversation to know her last words had probably been “I love you.”

Jack turned to face him and felt a similar kick when he saw the shadow in Ianto’s eyes.

“Don’t think too hard Ianto,” Jack said tenderly, with just the faintest spark of a laugh as he brushed his lips over Ianto’s forehead. Ianto relaxed at his touch and felt that knot of anxiety in his gut loosen. 

“It’s already two Jack, so it’s a bit too late for that drink. What about if I accompany you to the airport?” Ianto said, breathing a little easier when he saw Jack’s eyes light up. 

“I would really like that,” Jack said sincerely.

After locking up the library, Ianto was about to hail a cab for the both of them when he felt his pocket vibrate. Jack tried not to appear curious as Ianto pulled out his phone and read the message.

“Lisa’s finished early. She’s asking me to come pick her up to have supper,” Ianto said flatly. “ I am so sorry Jack.”

“Hey there is nothing to apologise about Ianto. I don’t mind,” Jack forced a cheerful smile. 

It was true, he didn’t mind. Jack knew that he had no right to demand that Ianto chose him over Lisa. Not any more than Ianto could control what Jack did with Gwen.

Okay, screw that, he was lying. He _did_ mind.

After hailing two taxis, Ianto turned to Jack with a resigned expression on his face.

“Keep in touch Jack, I will see you when you get back,” Ianto pressed a brief kiss to his cheek as the captain gathered him in his arms for a hug. The words rang incredibly hollow, but it was the only promise they could ever afford to give each other. 

For Jack and Ianto, their feelings of happiness, guilt, lust, sorrow and contentment had become so inextricably mixed that it was impossible to figure out where one started and the other ended. 

Neither realised that they were desperately chasing ahead of a storm before it could make landfall. If either of them had been thinking clearly, they might have been able to see it. 

Hairline fractures forming on the surface of their perfect glass bubble.


	6. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just under halfway through,thank you all

***

_We’re going down,_  
_And you can see it too,_  
_We’re going down, _  
_And you know that we’re doomed, _  
_My dear, we’re slow dancing in a burning room. (4)_

***

**Two months later**

A little girl was twisting her skirt in her hands as blood trickled down her face. She was sitting next to a man with a bruised jaw, who was cradling his injured right hand as he slumped like a broken doll in his seat. 

Two babies seem to bawling in chorus, their cries amplifying the echo in the small room. But it was almost drowned out by the groan coming from a portly blonde builder who was gripping his midsection as his wife stroked his hair. 

All in all, it was the usual type of people that made up the Saturday evening crowd at the Sacred Heart A&E. 

The little girl, who had gotten the gash on her head as the result of falling on an open drawer, was crying quietly as her mother worriedly pressed a clean towel to her head. However, she was the fidgety sort and kept knocking her leg into the man next to her.

“Sorry,” the mother apologised, trying not to wince at the man’s swollen fist. Not only was the skin at the knuckles split and bloody, but there were jagged splinters of wood embedded near the joints.

She also took in the swath of purple decorating his jaw and the less than crisp outlines of his granite grey suit. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that he had probably gotten the blunt end of the stick during a fight, although he didn’t smell like he had been drinking.

But as vicious as the injuries looked, Ianto didn’t feel the pain from his throbbing chin or the dull ache in his hand. Instead, all he felt was pure anger that reverberated through his body like a thunder crack and visibly darkened his eyes to a stormy grey. 

Ianto’s insides practically seethed and simmered in pure rage as images from the past few months flashed through his mind. And all of it was directed at one single person.

“Jack fucking Harkness,” Ianto hissed low under his breath as he wrapped the fingers of his good hand around his wrist, not noticing when the mother and her child gave him a wide berth. 

He should have known that Jack didn’t value about their so-called friendship. That his heartfelt words and romantic gestures served only as a prelude to sex. It didn’t take long for Ianto to cotton on that it was the physical aspect of their relationship which Jack had come to appreciate the most. 

“Maybe I am just as much of an idiot for believing him, the inconsiderate son of a bitch,” Ianto thought bitterly as he slumped further into his chair, the hard plastic digging into his thighs. 

Or maybe he was just a right fool for caring about the bastard full stop. And that is what hurt the most, that after everything they had been through, he had obviously come to mean nothing more to Jack than a fuck buddy. 

But signs had been there early on now that he thought about it. Certain gestures, a handful of small incidents that should have set off warning bells in his head about the true intentions of Jack Harkness. 

“I just chose not to see it,” Ianto thought. “I guess I’m the fool then,” he laughed hollowly as he leaned his head back and closed his eyes. 

*** 

**One month previously**

“Ianto, shouldn’t you go to bed?” Lisa asked sleepily as she plodded from their bedroom to the kitchen for a glass of water. “It’s one in the morning.”

“It’s all right Lisa, I am not that tired anyways,” Ianto lied, stifling a yawn. He was actually exhausted after clocking in a full day’s work but he couldn’t turn in yet. 

Jack still hadn’t called, and he promised he would. 

Although it had been only two days since his last contact with the captain, Jack had been exceptionally affectionate as of late. No doubt as a result of a recent run-in with Ianto’s ex-boyfriend. 

While Ianto had not fully forgiven Jack for how he handled the matter, he was more than happy to let the older man try and make it up to him. Repentant Jack had ways of making Ianto forget his name in the most toe curling of ways. 

Even so, Ianto felt his patience wear thin when the clock struck two. He knew that Jack’s flight had landed hours ago but post-flight checks often took up a lot of time. 

“But surely Jack wouldn’t forget,” Ianto sighed as he mindlessly browsed through the channels. 

By three however, Ianto could hardly keep his eyes open. After sending a quick chat message, Ianto finally crawled into bed next to his wife, fully expecting an apologetic text from Jack when he woke up. 

Hence why he felt a mixture of annoyance and worry when his phone yielded no new messages in the morning. But after checking that there had been no incidents at Heathrow or horrific accidents on the highways, Ianto’s anger rapidly edged out his concern. 

After spending the morning with Lisa, Ianto finally got the chance to call Jack when she went out for lunch with her friends. Neglecting his own hunger pangs, Ianto paced in his living room as he waited for the call to go through. 

“Ianto, what’s up?” Jack said cheerfully, although Ianto could barely hear him over the noise in the background. 

“What are you up to Jack?” Ianto asked clearing his throat, trying his hardest not to sound like an uptight wife.

“Just having lunch with some friends, I’ll call you later?” Jack said noisily chewing on what sounded like a sandwich. 

Later? Something inside Ianto snapped. “You were supposed to have called me last night Jack. I sent you a message even,” he said, the words sounding bitter on his tongue. 

“I didn’t get a message.”

“Liar.” The word instantly flashed across Ianto’s mind, he never had Jack miss his messages before this. 

“And sorry about last night, but some of the boys wanted to go drinking. You know how it is.”

The unrepentant way he said it only served to raise Ianto’s hackles even further. 

“So what now Jack?” he asked coldly.

“Like I said, I will call you in a couple of hours,” Jack said, the light strain in his voice telling Ianto that the American did not like the way the conversation was going. 

“How can I be sure you will? After all, you said that you would call last night and that never materialised,” Ianto responded snarkily. 

Ianto couldn’t see how his rapid-fire line questioning had managed to raise Jack’s ire. It reminded Jack too much of how Gwen interrogated him. 

“What are you getting so angry about? So what if we don’t speak for a couple of days,” Jack answered shortly. “It’s not as if you are my boyfriend or anything like that.”

The minute he said it, Jack knew it was a mistake. Although Ianto said nothing for a few seconds, the clear chill his silence carried made the captain want to bite his tongue.

“Ianto… I..”

“You know what, do whatever you want,” Ianto ended the call abruptly, switching his phone off when it started to ring again. 

That was how Lisa found him a couple of hours later. Staring at the blank television screen with his jaw firmly clenched. 

*** 

**Present Day**

Ianto knew he _had_ overreacted though. Hence why it had made his heart melt when Jack had apologised later, profusely. Taking him out to dinner, bringing him little presents from his trips and making love to Ianto until he could hardly think straight. 

But it was the Jack Harkness way of doing things Ianto soon realised.

Fuck things up then fuck it all better.

“Ianto? Oh my God, what happened to you?” 

Ianto’s eyes flew open when he heard the panic-stricken voice of his wife. Turning he saw Lisa practically flying down the hallway to be by his side. 

“What happened?” Lisa asked concerned as she gently turned his wrist so that she could take a better look at his hand. 

“Nothing Lisa, just got involved in a little pub brawl that’s all. You should have seen the other guy,” Ianto tried to make light of it but Lisa could see how much pain he was in. 

“Did you make a police report?” Lisa asked, her expert eye automatically assessing her husband’s wounds. While the jaw injury looked superficial, there was a chance that Ianto had sprained his wrist. 

“It’s not a big deal Lisa, just some drunk yob looking to pick a fight. It’s not worth the trouble,” Ianto tried not to wince as a particularly sharp throb of pain lanced up his forearm. 

She frowned. “Ianto, you shouldn’t just let it go like that.”

“I would rather just get this treated and go home okay?” Ianto said quietly but firmly.

“You can’t just be a doormat all your life Ianto!”

“Lisa, enough… please!” Ianto’s tone was insistent now as he squeezed his eyes shut to counteract the pain radiating from his temples. 

Lisa stopped and bit her lip before silently nodding her head.

“Sorry Ianto. It’s just… when I saw you sitting here, I got so scared. I don’t know what I would do if anything happened to you,” she said softly, running her hands through his hair as she carefully pulled him closer for a hug. 

“I know,” Ianto replied, kissing her briefly on the lips. 

“Come on, I’ll take you to get patched up,” she said, helping him to his feet. 

Ianto leaned a little more than was necessary on his wife for support as she guided him to the closest examination room. 

***

Jack looked around his pilot’s apartment with a sigh. He was definitely going to see a substantial deduction when he opened his payslip this month.

Not only was there an obvious dent in the bedroom door, but one of the side tables was missing a leg and the hallway mirror lay broken in pieces on the floor. And mixed in with the glass fragments were the remains of the phone he used with Ianto. 

To be fair, it wasn’t the first time Jack had trashed his room as the result of an overheated altercation, but it was the first time the other party had actually walked out on him with the matter still unresolved. 

Jack tentatively wiggled his jaw and was glad to see it wasn’t dislocated as a result of Ianto’s mean right hook. His lower back still twinged, but he had a feeling that he had come out of the scuffle better than Ianto. 

Ianto, that self-righteous prick. Even the mere mention of his name had Jack seeing red again. 

“God, he can be such a stubborn prat sometimes,” Jack ranted to no one in particular as he yanked open the freezer to get some ice. He roughly shook the ice tray over a towel before twisting the ends together to form a homemade ice pack. 

Alright, given what had just transpired between them, he could understand why Ianto got so upset. But in Jack’s mind, nothing gave the other man the right to have a go at him like that. 

“After all I did for him,” Jack thought as he gingerly pressed the ice to his jaw. 

Or at least, tried to do for him. 

***

**Two weeks previously**

Jack was feeling extremely pleased with himself. Although both Ianto and Gwen had previously told him that he had a penchant for romantic gestures, Jack knew he lucked into those situations more than anything else. 

Hence why he was so proud of the effort he had made in order to have a romantic evening out with Ianto. 

As he tipped the tickets out onto the dining room table to get a better look, a glimmer of a smile crossed his face as he imagined how excited Ianto would be. 

“Well as excited as Ianto could get without cracking his veneer,” Jack chortled as he leaned back into his chair.

It had come to Jack's attention that Ianto wasn’t as happy these days when they were together. And to be frank, Jack was losing his patience with the younger man more and more. 

Hence why tonight was so important. Jack’s feelings for Ianto, as unnamable as they were, hadn’t changed. If anything, he had grown increasingly fond of his younger lover. 

But these days for whatever reason, their tempers just chafed against each other so badly it left them both feeling pissed and raw. 

“Hopefully a nice, relaxed evening will fix that,” Jack thought as he checked the time and deduced that Ianto should just be arriving home from work. 

Reaching for his Blackberry, Jack fingered the two tickets his colleague had secured for him for tonight’s rugby game. 

Wales was playing the New Zealand All Blacks in a friendly and while Jack didn’t fully enjoy the game, he supposed there were worse things in the world than watching fit men with nice butts get physical. 

The timing of the game could not have been more perfect as Gwen was out of town for a conference and this was Lisa’s night for overseeing the wards. 

After the game, Jack intended to bring Ianto to one of his favourite pub’s located in Mile End in East London. It was one of the few pubs left in London that wasn’t part of a chain, and it served a mean scampi. 

“Hi Jack, anything the matter?” Ianto asked quietly. 

“He must be tired,” Jack reasoned from the sound of his voice. The soft rolled r’s in Ianto’s Welsh accent always became more pronounced when he was fatigued. 

“Hey I know you must have had a long day, but I really hope you are up for something tonight,” Jack said, trying and failing not to sound like his usual suggestive self.

“If it is anything involving handcuffs, I am not interested,” Ianto retorted, but there was no aggravation behind his words.

“Actually no, I was thinking I would take you to tonight’s rugby game. A friend of mine got me tickets. After that, a late night supper. You know, just stuff friends would do.”

“Jack that sounds wonderful but,” Ianto paused and drew in a breath that was heavy with regret, “I don’t think I can get away tonight.”

Jack’s smile disappeared. 

“Lisa and I just got into a huge row over money and she’s really upset. I don’t think I can leave her alone just yet.”

“I thought she was working tonight,” Jack said tightly. 

“She switched her shifts all of a sudden. God knows why.” Ianto didn’t dare voice his worry that she might have done it because she knew about both of them. But he quickly dismissed that notion, Lisa wasn’t the type of pussyfoot around such a matter. 

“So what am I going to do now?” Jack said, the angry disappointment clear in his voice. “I had everything planned Ianto.”

“I know Jack, but she is my wife. I can’t just abandon her,” Ianto cut off as Jack heard the sound of a door opening in the background. “Hang on.”

Although Ianto muffled the mouthpiece with his hand, Jack could still hear harsh words being tossed about between husband and wife. It was an uncomfortably intimate crossfire to have been eavesdropping on and Jack fidgeted as he wondered whether he should hang up. 

“Jack, I have to talk to you another time okay?” Ianto finally said after Jack heard a door being closed with such force it made him wince. 

“Ianto,” Jack hesitated but ultimately decided to continue. “What is happening with us?”

Ianto sighed. 

“This is not the time to discuss this Jack. It’s best we talk about it the next time we meet,” Ianto said. “Thank you though, for the call, for arranging everything. You made my day, really.”

“You’re welcome,” Jack replied but Ianto’s gratitude only served as cold comfort at best. 

After hanging up, Jack took the two tickets and ripped them sharply in two. With a flick of his wrist, he deposited the paper scraps in the rubbish bin.

So much for romance.

***

**Present Day**

“We never got the chance to talk did we?” Jack thought as he slowly started to sweep up the broken mirror. It was the last thing he felt like doing, but he didn’t fancy being jabbed in the sole with a shard of glass.

Jack hadn’t realised until that night how much he resented Ianto’s insistence that Lisa came first in his life. That his friendship and loyalty to Jack would always take a backseat to what Lisa wanted or felt. 

Of course it was perfectly understandable, but it didn’t make it any easier to swallow. 

And it didn’t help that after months of being able to see each other at least three times a week, in the past two weeks they had only managed to meet up twice. 

Lisa had cut back on her hours at the hospital in order to let the younger nurses have more hands on training. Maybe it was just as well as Gwen had recently taken to dragging Jack from one wedding errand to the next. 

Actually, Jack’s possessiveness over Ianto bewildered even him. 

“It started with that idiot ex-boyfriend of his didn’t it?” Jack pondered as he leaned against the wall, idly turning the broom in his hands. 

Yeah, everything began to go downhill the moment the irresistible force of Jack met an immovable object by the name of John Hart. 

***

**One and a half months previously**

“Will you stop moving Jack! You will mess up your measurements,” Ianto said frustrated as he smoothed the captain’s unfinished shirt over his broad shoulders. 

Since Jack often insisted that he would only change his vintage style of dressing under “severe threat and duress” – a statement which had prompted an eye roll from Ianto – it meant that every year he invested in a number of tailor made shirts.

And since Ianto’s shirts were so impeccably fitted, Jack had insisted that the younger man introduce him to his tailor. Hence why Jack was standing still in the middle of a cramped shop in Mayfair, letting Ianto and Robert, the shop’s owner, stick pins into him. 

It was only then Jack discovered the secret behind Ianto’s sharp dressing. He was pedantic to the point where it would have made a Savile Row tailor weep. 

“Ianto, don’t get me wrong, while I am really grateful for your help in all this, but don’t you think you are going a tad overboard,” Jack said carefully, not wanting to find a tailoring pin in his ass all of a sudden.

“You are the one who wanted my opinion on how your shirts should fit. Well you are getting it,” Ianto replied huffily. 

Ianto’s tongue itched to add that if it were up to him, he would have revamped the captain’s entire wardrobe. 

“Although I have to admit, this particular look does suit him,” Ianto thought. Jack's classic matinee idol looks went well with the 1940's cut shirt with its point collars and cuffs. 

Regardless, Ianto still would have made some changes, easier to remove braces for example.

“Why are you so anal about this?” Jack asked as he slipped off the half-done shirt and started changing back into his normal clothes. Ianto turned around to give the captain some privacy, focusing his attention instead on Jack's greatcoat. 

“I never told you that my dad was a master tailor did I? I got my meticulous eye from him.” 

Ianto tried to sound unemotional about it as he ran a lint brush over the coat but Jack still caught the faintest flutter of sorrow in the statement.

“Hey.” Ianto looked up to meet Jack’s eyes in the mirror.

“Some help?” Jack asked, his sleeves dangling loosely from his outstretched arms as he held his cufflinks in the cup of his palms. They were beautifully fashioned silver Spitfires, family heirlooms just like the coat. 

Wordlessly, Ianto slipped the silver planes into their designated holes and gave a sharp tug to the older man’s cuffs. 

“Perfect,” Ianto said, stepping back a little in surprise when Jack held on to his hands and feathered a kiss over his knuckles. 

“Thank you,” Jack murmured. 

“Ianto Jones? Well, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes.”

Ianto jerked away and spun around as a voice from his youth called his name.

“John, of all the places to run into you,” Ianto said stiffly as he extended his hand to the customer that just walked in. However, the man was having none of that and gave Ianto a hug before he could even blink. 

Jack’s eyes narrowed at the overly friendly gesture. It was the hug of a man who had intimate knowledge of the person in his arms.

“Is this the kind of man Ianto likes?” Jack thought darkly as he noted cheekbones that were so sharp they could have probably grated cheese and messy hair that resembled freshly shaved chocolate curls.

His wiry frame did not betray his age either, but Jack hazarded a guess that he wasn't that much older than Ianto. 

John’s blue eyes lit up in roguish mischief when he noticed Ianto’s companion staring holes through him.

“Aren’t you going to introduce me?” John asked, slowly inching his hands southward.

“I will the minute you take your hands off my arse. If you want to keep them that is,” Ianto said, putting as much distance between them as he could until his skin stopped crawling.

“Jack Harkness, meet John Hart. He’s.. an old acquaintance of mine.”

“Now come Ianto, we were more than just that,” John gave Ianto a come hither wink that earned him a look.

“Like I said, acquaintances,” Ianto said shortly, his lips quirking upwards in a smile at the joke.

“Harsh, but he’s a nice bit of eye-candy don’t you think?” John said pointedly to Jack who managed to smile in return, even if it looked a bit strained. 

“Well he was fun until he slapped on that old ball-and-chain,” John said regretfully. “How is old robotic Lisa?”

"Robotic?" Ianto said, trying hard to control his anger. 

"You know what I mean," John said taking a step closer to Ianto. "Controlling, rigid, will malfunction on you if you don't treat her a certain way..."

“You know what, we are done here,” Ianto said curtly as he turned to collect his things. Jack nodded and put on his coat, slipping his order form into his pocket.

John didn’t seem that put out however, given how casually he shrugged his shoulders.

“It was nice to see you though Ianto,” John said quietly, in a tone that made Ianto freeze mid-step. He remembered that voice, it was just the right mix of remorse and yearning, which could have melted a heart of stone. 

But Ianto also remembered that the last time he fell for it, John had stripped his pants off in two seconds flat. 

Letting out a slow measured breath, Ianto turned on his heel and unflinchingly returned John’s gaze.

“Robert, please give me a call when the shirts are done. I will come and collect them,” Ianto said, a calm half-smile gracing his face. But the hard glitter in his eyes sent a very clear message to John.

_And you better not be here when I do. _

Ianto breathed a sigh of relief when John didn’t follow him out of the shop. However, he frowned as Jack quickened his pace to the point where Ianto had to lengthen his stride to match that of the captain’s.

“What’s wrong Jack?”

“You dated that piece of work?” Jack said. 

“I would use the term dated very loosely,” Ianto said flatly. “Seduced would be more accurate. He was my student advisor during my second year of uni.”

“So is he your type of guy?” Jack asked as he jabbed the “Walk” button at a pedestrian crossing.

“No to be honest, I don’t even like him that much. But I was young and just coming to terms with the fact that I found men attractive as well.”

Ianto dashed across the road when he realised Jack had no intention of waiting for the light to change.

“So he took advantage of my curiosity. Although John is an asshole, he’s a charming asshole when he wants to be. Jack! Slow down!”

Ianto grabbed the American’s forearm only to have Jack shrug it off. 

“What’s gotten into you?” Ianto asked genuinely perplexed. “And where are we going? I thought we had plans for dinner.”

“I’ve suddenly lost my appetite sorry. Can I take a rain cheque?” Jack said as he turned in the direction of the Hyde Park Corner tube station. 

“Jack, you are acting like a child.” Ianto grabbed his shoulder and forcefully turned him around. 

“Look, we never slept together. When I said you were my first, I wasn’t lying,” Ianto said looking Jack straight in the eye. 

“We got as far as oral, but then I stopped our relationship because it didn’t feel right and I never felt comfortable with him. After that, I met Lisa, that is all that happened,” Ianto said bluntly. 

“I never pegged you as the type to fall so easily for mere charm. I guess that is why you liked me so much,” Jack retorted, grabbing Ianto’s wrists so hard he flinched.

“Jack, you’re hurting me.” Ianto was abruptly cut off when Jack kissed him hard, with a possessiveness he wasn’t sure he liked. 

But despite his wife’s perception of him, Ianto was hardly a doormat. He certainly had no qualms giving Jack a hard shove backwards that almost caused him to fall. 

“What is your problem?” Ianto hissed. “Jack for fuck’s sake. Doesn’t the fact that I sleep with you tell you that I am comfortable with you? So what if I used to be with John?”

“But it does matter Ianto.... to _me_. Why can’t you see that?” Jack thought despairingly. 

“Look, I’m sorry but, I get a bit spooked when someone who knows Lisa sees us together,” Jack said as he tried to justify himself.

“And you think I don’t?” Ianto replied, distractedly rubbing his wrists. “You want to be alone Jack? No problem. Call me when you’ve grown up,” he added angrily. 

Jack clenched his jaw so tightly it hurt. 

“Fine, call you when I get back into town,” Jack said as he turned to leave.

He only managed a few steps however before he heard Ianto call his name. As he turned to face his lover, he couldn’t stop the spark of hope that pricked his chest. But it was dashed when he saw the expression on Ianto’s face.

“Seriously Jack, I never saw you as the jealous type. Especially considering our current circumstances.”

With that, Ianto walked away and never looked back 

***

**Present Day**

Ianto had been right. Jack really wasn’t the jealous sort. He certainly was not above fooling around that’s for sure.

“It is Ianto’s fault isn’t it? I wasn’t this way before this whole thing with him started,” Jack thought as he threw down his broom. And Ianto actually had the balls to play the injured party in all of this, as if butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth. 

Jack’s hands balled into fists when he recalled Ianto’s allegations. 

“Screw Ianto Jones,” Jack spat. Screw him and his beautiful eyes and his tight ass personality. Nobody ever dictated to Jack how to live his life or what he could or could not do. 

Suddenly all the hatred from their earlier fight seeped into the air in the apartment, thickly curling around him like smog.

“I need to get out of here.”

Jack didn’t even bother to sort out the rest of the mess, he would let the cleaners deal with that. Pulling his phone out of his pocket, Jack quickly dialed Gwen’s office.

When he got Gwen’s answering machine, the American gave a rakish smile as he said, “Hey sweetheart it’s me. I am taking you out tonight so be dressed up when I get home.”

Jack smirked and added, “On second thought, you being naked works too.”

Swinging his coat over his shoulders, Jack was fully prepared to forget that Ianto had ever been part of his life. The American never dwelled on his mistakes, which made it easier for him to put this all behind him. 

But as he reached for the door, a wave of inexplicable sadness washed over him. It made his fingers falter and his throat tighten. It was so unbelievably gut-wrenchingly painful that it stopped him dead in his tracks.

“Ianto…”

However, if there was one thing Jack was good at, it was hardening his heart. 

Giving the doorknob an almost vicious twist, Jack purposefully strode out the door before letting it close behind him with a deafening slam.

***

“Ianto… Jones?”

Ianto looked up from where the nurse was sluicing his hand with a mild saline solution in order to disinfect the cuts to the doctor on call. 

“That’s me. Anything broken doctor?” Ianto asked. 

“Luckily the wound is mostly superficial,” the doctor answered with a smile. “But you might have some stiffness in your fingers over the next few days.”

“Lisa tells me you do a lot of computer work however. Would you like a MC?”

“A day off sounds good actually,” Ianto smiled half-heartedly.

“All right then, we will use some antibiotic spray on the open gashes and then you can head home. Lisa is almost at the end of her shift anyways so the timing is great.”

He handed Ianto a form to sign as the nurse went to fetch the medication. 

“Now, if anything happens over the next few days, unusual swelling, that kind of thing, ask Lisa to look at it and she will tell you whether you need to come back here.”

“But there shouldn’t be much change over the next few hours,” the doctor said reassuringly as he tucked his clipboard under his arm.

“Thank you doctor,” Ianto said politely.

“Not much change huh?” He contemplated the irony in the doctor’s parting words. 

On the contrary, it was amazing how much could change in such a short amount of time. 

***

**Three hours previously**

Jack let loose a satisfied sigh as he let his eyes linger appreciatively over his younger lover, who was lying face down on the bed. He loved the sharp contrast between Ianto’s ivory skin and his own tanned complexion. When the two of them tangled together, they must have painted a sensuous picture.

“What are you staring at?” Ianto asked sounding just as sated, his voice warming Jack’s insides like old port. 

“Just making note of how pale you are. Typical Welshman,” Jack said, running a careless finger from the slope of Ianto’s shoulder blade down to the small of his back, leaving goosebumps in its wake. 

“Better pale than fake-tan orange,” Ianto teased gently as he propped himself up on one elbow so he could face Jack. 

“Actually I wasn’t suggesting that. What about if we take a weekend away somewhere sunny and tropical? Not for very long, just three days. Flights are no problem of course,” Jack grinned as he kissed Ianto on the forehead. 

“Three days?” Ianto said with a frown. “What would we tell….”

“Conference, business trip. I just have to look at my flight schedule and we can plan around that,” Jack said reaching for his iPhone. 

For a minute, Ianto just stared at Jack as he scrolled through his organiser and suggested to him possible dates. The accumulated guilt dropped like a rock on his chest as Ianto got a glimpse of how it was to always be between them.

Lies, just more lies.

The younger man suddenly threw back the covers and sat up with his rigid back to the captain.

“Ianto?”

“What are we doing Jack?” Ianto asked, his voice hard as he gripped the edge of the mattress. “Why are we making plans when this relationship clearly has no future?” 

“What do you mean no future?” Jack said sitting up so he could put a comforting hand on Ianto’s back. “We’ve gotten to know each other so much better over the past few months. You’ve come to mean a lot to me.”

“I know Jack, it’s the same for me,” Ianto said softly over his shoulder.

“But there is nothing we can give each other that hasn’t been promised to other people,” the younger man said as he pushed off the bed. 

Grabbing his clothing from off the floor, Ianto continued, “How long can we keep up the deception before we are found out? Ultimately, where are we going to end up?” 

Jack ran a frustrated hand through his head as he watched Ianto getting dressed. He had been expecting something like this from Ianto for a while, knowing that the constant uncertainty would eventually rattle him. 

And Jack was right. Ianto hated it, not having control. That and the constant compromising of his principles for someone who didn’t always act like it was worth it. 

But Ianto was hardly a kid Jack reasoned grimly. He had entered into this relationship with Jack with his arms wide open. 

“Why are you bringing this up now?” Jack snapped as he reached for his own clothes. “Where did you think this relationship would go when we started Ianto? We are having an affair, pure and simple, no one gets out of it unscathed.”

“So why are we still doing it?” Ianto retorted his eyes flashing. “Why are we acting as if it can be more than just sex? That it is more than something physical.”

He stalked out of the room only to be stopped by Jack’s right arm firmly wrapping around his shoulders. 

“Don’t say that Ianto,” Jack said quietly, hoping the tenderness in his touch would calm the younger man’s nerves. 

“You know it’s not true… you know it isn’t. It has just been a rough few weeks,” Jack said as he kissed the nape of Ianto’s neck. 

Ianto just closed his eyes as the captain’s assurances acted like a balm on his anger. It was times like this when he remembered why he had been so drawn to Jack in the first place. 

He was about to turn around and apologise to the American when he spied Jack’s backpack on a nearby table. But what really caught his eye was a fan of cream coloured cards spilling out of the half-opened zip.

“Are those your wedding invitations Jack?” Ianto asked, the hard edge in his voice back. 

Jack stepped backwards as he followed Ianto’s line of sight 

“Yeah, Gwen wants me to choose a design, they have to be sent out soon,” Jack said stiffly as he haphazardly stuffed the envelopes back into his bag

For Ianto, it just hammered the point home. No matter how much they enjoyed each other’s company, it was never going to be enough. Eventually this argument would flare up again and again until their friendship was completely destroyed. 

“No wonder the future doesn’t matter to you Jack, you’ve already chosen how it’s going to pan out,” Ianto said. “When you are finally married, then what? Am I just your bit on the side?”

“Considering that you are the one who is actually married, that makes me your bit on the side doesn’t it? As you so nicely put it,” Jack fired back. 

“God dammit Jack! I am not going to spend my life playing second-fiddle to Gwen!”

“Well I don’t see you serving the divorce papers to Lisa either,” Jack answered back spitefully. 

That was when Ianto hit him. 

The younger man took two quick steps towards him and delivered a solid hook to his jaw. Jack reeled from the impact as the door handle dug into his kidneys, but was alert enough to dodge Ianto’s next punch that landed instead on the bedroom door with a sickening crunch.

But Jack hardly noticed as he swung at Ianto, catching the left side of his face and sending him flying into the side table. 

“Is this how you want to play it?” Jack said incensed. 

Holding his jaw, Ianto scrambled to his feet as he shot Jack a dagger filled look. 

“Fuck you Jack. You think you’re so great, I know deep inside you really are just a selfish monster,” Ianto said, venom dripping off each word. 

Grabbing his jacket, Ianto walked out the front door, yanking it closed with a loud bang. 

“Fuck him.”

The last thing Ianto heard before he got into the lift was the sound of a smartphone being thrown at a mirror.

***

**Present Day**

Ianto washed his face in the men’s bathroom and stared at himself in the mirror, lost in the memories of a few hours ago. As he warily ran a fingertip over his bruised cheek, he reached into his pocket to pull out his iPhone and opened to the settings page. 

Before he could lose his nerve, Ianto erased all the data, clicking twice in quick succession as the phone kept prompting him. With nervous fingers, Ianto took out the SIM card, dropped it on the floor and ground it under his heel until he could hear the plastic splinter. 

“It’s over,” Ianto thought closing his eyes. 

But deep inside, Ianto knew he was taking the easy way out. Yes, the fight had been bad but Ianto had a feeling that they would have been able to work through it. 

The truth was he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to answer the real deep-seated questions as to why he let himself be with Jack in the first place. It took two of them to tango after all and he had hardly been an unwilling partner.

“Never mind, I can concentrate on Lisa now,” Ianto thought as he left the phone in one of the stalls before reaching for a paper towel to dry his one good hand.

His wife smiled at him as he exited the bathroom, slipping her arm around his left elbow. 

“Let’s head home, I am sure I can whip up something with what we have in the fridge.” 

Lisa leaned on his shoulder as she threaded their fingers together. But she frowned when she noticed something was absent. 

“Ianto, your wedding ring is missing,” Lisa said sharply, her fingers rubbing over the stripe of white skin. 

Ianto inhaled sharply as he suddenly recalled placing his ring on the nightstand in the captain’s apartment, right next to Jack’s own engagement ring. 

“It must have come off during the fight. I didn’t realise, Lisa I am so sorry.” Lies again. It seemed no matter where he turned he was either lying or feeling guilty. 

But there was something else, something that cut him to the core. 

Above the noise of all his other emotions was juxtaposed a single thought, which his mind shouted more loudly than anything else. 

He would never get to see Jack again.

“Ianto? Are you all right?” Lisa said, her eyes wide with alarm as Ianto stumbled to one knee, his hand uselessly scrabbling at the wall for balance.

“You’re shaking,” she said as she helped him to his feet. “Maybe we should go back to the doctor…”

“No, I’m fine,” Ianto said, swallowing hard. “I’m fine,” he reiterated as he placed his left palm flat against the wall. 

“Ianto, what happened to you?” Lisa whispered, her concern clearly laid out in cocoa coloured eyes. 

“Lisa,” Ianto thought. “You will always be there for me, won’t you?” 

With Lisa he could be safe, with Lisa he could be assured of a secure, normal life. Where everything would go according to plan. 

Ianto leaned forward to catch Lisa’s lips in a kiss, which threw her a bit off balance. Lisa actually found the kiss a little too desperate for her liking, but she wasn’t going to tell him that now in his current state. 

“Let’s go home,” Ianto said when they broke apart.

Lisa nodded, and they walked arm in arm out into the hospital parking lot.


	7. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Given how old this is, thank you all who leave kudos. You all are wonderful <3

***

_Looks like we made it, _  
_Left each other on the way to another love,_  
_Looks like we made it,_  
_Or I thought so till today, _  
_Until you were there,_   
_Everywhere, _  
_And all I could taste was love the way we made it. (5)_

***

**Three Months Later**

Jack was stumped. He was baffled, mystified, perplexed and bewildered.

One hour in and he still hadn’t finished the Times concise crossword, stuck as he was at twelve down. 

“Another word for confused,” he murmured to himself as he chewed the end of his pencil. Pencil, mind you because he still wasn’t confident enough to use a pen on the notoriously tricky puzzle. He could barely get a handful right on the cryptic version. 

Jack was so deep in thought that he jumped an inch off his chair when an opened envelope magically deposited itself on his lap. Finally tearing his eyes away from the paper, Jack looked up to see Gwen standing above him with her hands on her hips and a raised eyebrow. 

“Sorry honey, I already had letters for breakfast,” Jack said nonchalantly as he tossed the envelope on the side table. Gwen rolled her eyes at his blasé response. 

“I am trying to remind you that Martha’s wedding is tonight, and you still haven’t gone to the dry cleaners to pick up your suit,” Gwen said as she forced the card back into Jack’s hands, causing him to abandon his crossword. 

Running a hand through his hair, Jack opened the cream coloured card and was startled to see that his fiancée was right. 

“God has it already been three months?” Jack’s brow furrowed as it bothered him how fast time had managed to pass. 

Although Gwen thought he had forgotten, Jack actually remembered the exact day that he had gotten the invite. In fact, he remembered it too well. 

“I already have a suit hanging in the cupboard, why do I have to go collect the other one?” Jack argued. 

“Because that’s your winter suit. You had to send the summer one to the cleaners after that last function we went to,” Gwen reminded him as Jack groaned. “Unless you like sweating through an eight-course dinner.”

Batting him lightly on the shoulder, she added, “What’s wrong with you anyway? You’ve always loved weddings, plus this isn’t just anybody. It’s Martha, and you adore her.”

That was an understatement. Martha was one of Jack’s closest friends and foxy as hell to boot. 

“Yes, I love her to pieces but it’s not that,” Jack said, struggling to find the right words as he ran his thumb over the ragged edge of the envelope.

“Don’t know Gwen. I seem to have lost my liking for weddings these days. Not ours of course,” he added hurriedly when she gave him a hard look.

“You better have not,” Gwen said as she tousled his hair, using a tone that managed to sound affectionate yet reprimanding at the same time. 

Jack sighed inwardly, Gwen made him fear for his balls sometimes.

“Anyway, I heard Mrs. Jones went a tad overboard with the guest list. Martha’s her only kid so she made sure the wedding would be big,” Jack chuckled. “Not to be outdone, Mrs. Milligan threw her hat in as well. Apparently 400 people are expected to turn up.”

“Well, Thomas is a nice bloke regardless,” Gwen said as she poured them both a cup of coffee from the pot sitting on the counter. Jack nodded as he took the mug proffered to him and took a sip. 

“And perfect for Martha. She is such a hotshot doctor that having a pediatrician as a husband will help to ground her a little,” Jack said as he picked up his paper again. 

“Speaking of doctors, is Owen going for the wedding?” Gwen asked, trying to sound casual about it as she stirred cream into her coffee.

“He told me he wasn’t free. Got a complicated case to deal with or something like that,” Jack said. But Gwen nodded in understanding as they both exchanged a look. 

“Owen still hasn’t forgiven Martha for choosing Thomas over him, has he?” Gwen sighed as she perched on the armrest of Jack’s chair. The captain shook his head as he put his arm around his fiancée’s waist. 

“For all his bravado when it comes to women, Martha was different. Not only could she stand toe-to-toe with him, she actually got him to care about their relationship.” 

“Well then it’s his own bloody fault for keeping her hanging like that. A woman can’t wait forever for him to get over his fear of commitment,” Gwen said unsympathetically. 

“It’s not that easy Gwen,” the captain said as he suddenly felt a need to stand up for his friend. His fiancée could never quite hide the slight dislike she held for Owen, although she knew he was a good bloke at heart. 

“Owen’s got issues, to say the least,” Jack added wryly. “And hey, love can leave one…”

“Flummoxed,” Gwen suddenly said. 

Jack blinked. “Excuse me?”

“Your missing word for number twelve. Another word for confused is flummoxed. And it fits in with twelve across, a state that the sunshine loves, Florida,” Gwen plucked the paper and pencil out his hands and neatly filled in the blanks before handing it back to him.

Jack scowled at the now completed crossword. He really hated it when Gwen did that, but he never really brought it up as it seemed a petty thing to get into an argument over. 

“_Now_ will you go pick up your suit?” Gwen said crossing her arms and tapping her foot. 

Jack finally conceded defeat as he stood up and drained the last dregs of his coffee. 

“Nobody likes a showoff,” he muttered. But as miffed as he was, he still couldn’t stop a small smile when Gwen stood on her tiptoes to kiss him.

***

“Purple with the solid? Maybe navy blue with the wide stripe?”

Wearing only his briefs and a towel, Ianto ran combinations through his head as he sent hanger after hanger skittering across the railing of his cupboard. His favourite charcoal summer suit was already pressed and hanging on the back of the door. Ianto’s only conundrum now was deciding what to wear with it. 

“Green I think, haven’t worn that for a while,” Ianto thought as he pulled out a verdant coloured shirt. He held the shirt up next to the suit as he ran a critical eye over the pairing before giving a satisfied nod. 

Opening his tie drawer, he picked out a black tie with green stripes running diagonally across it and draped it over the shirt’s shoulder. 

“Perfect.”

“Well how do I look?” Ianto turned around to see Lisa walk in from the bathroom, her arms held out wide in a questioning gesture.

As she pirouetted for him, Ianto tapped his finger on his chin as he pretended to give her an analytical once-over. 

“Hmm,” he started, his voice carrying a serious timbre but he couldn’t keep up the act for long. Not when Lisa looked so amazing in her flowy dress of soft Caribbean blue chiffon. 

Although the sweetheart neckline was simple enough, the wide pleats on the skirt of the dress had been structured in such a way that the fabric cascaded like petals. 

“You look absolutely lovely. Do you know you are the only thing that make weddings bearable for me?” he said as he kissed her on the cheek catching the scent of sea spray from her perfume. “Looking the way you do, you will definitely outshine the bride.”

“Oh go on, I heard the new Mrs. Milligan is quite a looker. And she’s smart as well, NHS consultant and all that,” Lisa said as she clipped on a pair of dangle pearl earrings. 

“Thomas always had great taste, even in uni. He tried to hit on you remember?” Ianto smirked as tossed aside his towel and reached for his trousers. His skin tingled as he pulled on his shirt from the damp snap of static cling. 

“The look on his face was priceless when he realised he was trying to pick up his new roommate’s girl,” Lisa laughed as she stood before the vanity mirror and swept some blusher over her cheeks. 

She obligingly moved to one side as Ianto reached for the velvet box that held his cufflinks. He snapped open the lid and sighed at the tumbled mess inside.

“I should get another of these,” Ianto said to Lisa. He had accumulated so many over the past few years that he was starting to run out of space. 

As he pawed through his collection, Lisa peered over his shoulder until a glint of silver caught her eye. 

“What about this pair?’ she said as she plucked out of the tangle a pair of hexagon shaped cufflinks. Set in the middle of the silver filigree were muted green stones that had delicate veins of sparkly black marbling the surface. 

“Where did you get these? I’ve never seen this kind of design before,” she commented, not catching the sudden stiffening of Ianto’s shoulders. 

“I don’t remember exactly. You know how I collect them,” he said offhandedly, praying that Lisa wouldn’t be able to detect the slight tremble in his hand as he took the cufflinks from her. 

It was a lie. These cufflinks had been one of the last presents he had received from Jack, who had picked it up from some antique market in either Jakarta or Bangkok, Ianto couldn’t recall exactly. 

He had all but forgotten about it, and usually he wouldn’t let it trouble him, but it was the second reminder of the captain that had managed to worm its way back into his life over the past two weeks. 

Without thinking, Ianto’s eyes flew to a dark blue plastic bag taking up residence in the corner of his room and swallowed hard. But as the acrid tang of their last argument lingered in his mouth, it managed to destroy any tenderness he might have felt. 

“Probably not Lisa,” Ianto said, his blue eyes suddenly darkening. “Having everything match so perfectly can look out of place as well.” 

Ignoring the surprised look on her face, Ianto dropped the cufflinks back into the box and instead picked out the simplest pair he had in black enamel. He was just running some wax through his hair when the doorbell rang. 

“Uber’s here, you ready to go?” Lisa asked as she lined her lips with dark coral lip-gloss and grabbed a matching shawl.

“In a minute.”

It only took Ianto all of thirty seconds to knot his tie, button his jacket and slip on his shoes. With a final dust to his shoulders, he took a deep breath and gave a calm smile to his reflection in the mirror. 

With his armour neatly in place, Ianto was finally ready to face the world. 

***

Gwen felt the tulle of her dress swish around her knees as the doorman assisted her out of the SUV. 

“Welcome to the Langham Hotel miss,” he murmured politely as he helped her navigate the difference in height between the car and the pavement.

“Thank you,” Gwen said as she pushed a stray lock of hair under the feather clip that adorned the right side of her head. Clothed in knee-length green Thai silk, the demure mandarin collar of her dress with its spray of embroidered flowers stood out among all the yards of charmeuse and bias cut gowns. 

Against the Victorian architecture of the hotel, she looked like she had just come by way of Shanghai circa 1940. She was such a vision that Jack just broke into a smile every time he laid eyes on her. 

“Thank you my good man, I will take over from here,” Jack said with a wink as he passed his car keys to the jockey and took Gwen’s hand into his. 

As they made their way to the ballroom where the reception was being held, Jack couldn’t help but whisper into Gwen’s hair, “You look stunning tonight.”

Gwen felt her cheeks go pink even though Jack had given her similar compliments a number of times before. 

“You’re not so bad yourself,” she managed to tease back as he flirtatiously kissed her fingertips.

“I try. The jaw does most of the work,” Jack explained in mock seriousness. His comment managed to prompt a giggle from Gwen as they approached the guest-seating table, which was being manned by two of Martha’s bridesmaids. 

“Name?” asked a pretty redhead who was twirling a ruler in her hand. 

“Captain Jack Harkness and Gwen Cooper,” Jack drawled. 

As the girl looked for their names, Gwen couldn’t resist a peek inside the rapidly filling hall. Her heart fluttered at the profusion of white and pink roses in every corner and how the light from lead crystal chandelier bathed the room in a soft golden sheen. 

Jack cocked a worried eyebrow when he saw the dreamy look in Gwen’s eyes. 

“Don’t get any ideas, our wedding is not going to be this lavish,” he warned as she pouted. 

“You two are at table six, just in front of the main table,” the girl said as she passed them each a miniature woven pewter basket containing a single marbled egg. 

The redhead smiled as she watched the good-looking couple enter the hall, sighing wistfully as she dreamed of the day when she would be that happy.

“Excuse me?” 

As she turned her attention back to the front of the desk, the redhead broadened her smile for the equally attractive couple standing before her. 

“Can you tell us where we are seated?” asked Ianto. 

“Name?”

“Ianto and Lisa Jones,” Ianto said as he settled his arm around the curve of his wife’s waist. 

The girl ran her ruler down the list murmuring Jones repeatedly under her breath until she uttered a quiet ‘aha’.

“You are seated at table six,” she said as she handed them their gift baskets. “Friends of the bride yes?”

“Actually the groom,” Lisa corrected in an overly firm voice that caused Ianto to shoot her a sharp side-glance. The girl flushed as she quickly tried to rectify the situation.

“Lisa, it was an honest mistake,” Ianto said quietly, knowing that his wife had little tolerance for any situation where she thought someone was being inept. He had often heard tales of how the junior nurses would burst into tears after working shifts with her. 

“Oh I am so sorry, Jones is Martha’s name as well so it’s easy to mix it up,” she said as she flipped open the rest of the guest list. “Here we go, Ianto and Lisa Hallet-Jones, you are at table twenty.”

“Thank you,” Ianto said, shooting the girl an apologetic look as he guided Lisa towards the ballroom.

“Ianto, everything looks amazing, don’t you think,” Lisa said in hushed tones as they weaved among the tables and clusters of guests knocking back champagne. As much as Ianto hated gauche affairs, even he could not help but be impressed. 

From the explosion of flowers to the handfuls of loose crystals and almond dragees scattered on each table, the reception had all the whimsical earmarks of a fairytale wedding. 

“At least we are not too close to the band,” Ianto said as he slipped Lisa’s shawl from her shoulders and pulled out her chair. 

Across the room, Jack was just doing the opposite as Gwen was trying to stand up without tripping on the tablecloth. 

“Are you sure you don’t want me to go to the bar for you?” Jack offered. Gwen shook her head. 

“It’s unfair considering you don’t drink Jack,” she patted his arm as she handed him her purse to hold. “And I’m dying to take a look around.”

As she crossed the room, Gwen made a mental note of the layout figuring that she would duplicate it for her own wedding. 

At the front of the hall stretched the main table, which directly faced the dance floor that had projected on it a slideshow of images of the bride and groom. The live band was situated in one corner, while the tables were arranged in a semicircle around the space. 

Ianto was also taking note of the layout, his tidy mind liking how it seemed intimate despite the number of people present. The glass doors leading towards the courtyard had also been left open, which let in the mild April breeze. 

“Ianto sweetheart, I am dying for a gin and tonic,” Lisa implored as she picked up a pink almond dragee from a glass dish and popped it in her mouth. Ianto nodded obediently and was about to get up when a hard slap on the back almost sent him back down.

“Ianto Jones you absent bugger,” said a jovial Geordie accent that belonged to a tall man with a shock of ginger hair. Ianto grinned as he firmly shook the man’s hand. 

“Charlie! Don’t use that line with me, you were the one who never kept in touch,” Ianto said to his old coursemate. “You remember my wife Lisa.” 

“Of course,” Charlie said as he dropped a kiss on the back of her hand. “How could I forget Lisa who made us that cracking curry when we were studying late?”

“I always swore you kept spare naans in your pocket because of that Charles,” Lisa said with a smile.

“What have you been up to?” Ianto asked as he sat back down. Charlie shrugged as he took the seat opposite Ianto.

“Moved to Manchester, got married and now I am starting my own business,” Charlie said. “How about you?”

As the two men started to chat, Lisa figured that if she wanted her drink before the bride came in, she would have to get it herself. 

“Why don’t you two catch up, I am just going to nip to the bar,” Lisa said, waving off Ianto’s attempt to get to his feet, accompanying her words with a wink to tell him it was okay. 

But she groaned when she saw how packed the bar was as a number of people obviously had the same idea. 

As she jostled her way to the front of the bar, Lisa attempted to wave her arm higher than the rest in order bartender’s attention only to wince when she felt the sharp point of someone’s elbow jab her in the back. 

“So sorry love,” apologised a soft Welsh voice. 

“No worries,” Lisa said as she partially turned around to face the petite woman standing behind her. 

Lisa’s first thought was, “Christ, she’s pretty.” Offering a smile, she joked, “It’s hard to keep your personal space when you’re squeezed together like Tesco sardines.”

“Why don’t I order for you and save us some time?”

Gwen flashed her a grateful smile. 

“Gin and tonic would be wonderful.”

“Exactly what I’m having so that should be easy,” Lisa said turning back to the bar, her eyes lighting up when she found an unoccupied bartender to take her order. 

As both of them waited for their drinks, Gwen kept casting admiring glances to the other woman’s gown. 

“Lovely dress, beautiful colour,” Gwen said sincerely. 

“Thank you so is yours. Very unique,” Lisa responded, more than happy to indulge in small talk while waiting. 

It was only when Lisa heard the soft clink of glass that she realised their drinks were done. Picking up both tumblers, she handed one to Gwen who accepted it with an appreciative thank you. 

As they both made their way to their respective tables, Lisa was struck by the strange feeling that she had met the other woman somewhere before. 

But for the life of her she couldn’t remember where. 

***

“And then the tires just exploded on me!” Charlie exclaimed as Ianto laughed uproariously. Both their wives rolled their eyes and exchanged a look that said “boys will be boys” as they finished off their dessert. 

“Having fun despite yourself?” Lisa whispered to her husband who responded with a rueful grin. To his surprise, Ianto was actually enjoying himself.

Not only had Martha and Thomas arrived on time, ensuring that their guests didn’t have to wait longer than necessary, but the food had been excellent. 

The menu had been a celebration of spring with suckling lamb, artichokes and thick asparagus dressed in creamy sabayon. Dessert had been rich fruit trifle on a bed of champagne sponge, which went well with the rose wine. 

Even the speeches had been funny. Breaking convention, Martha and Thomas gave a speech together about how they met and what they loved and hated about each other. 

Martha looked resplendent in her ivory dress, managing to appear both regal and playful at the same time. And out of habit, Ianto noted that Thomas’ tux fitted him perfectly, emphasising his broad shoulders.

“Loo, be right back,” Ianto murmured as he got up. 

The bathroom was thankfully empty save one locked stall. After finishing his business, Ianto carefully washed his hands and splashed some water on his face. Alcohol always had a tendency to make him flushed. 

“Right, time to go back out,” Ianto thought, suddenly feeling tired. Yes he was having fun, but it seemed that no matter what he did these days, he always felt a tad weary whenever he was alone with his thoughts, God knows why. 

After blotting away the excess water on his face with a paper towel, he crumpled it in his fist and threw it in the bin provided.

As Ianto walked out, if he had chosen to look back at that exact moment, he would have caught Jack exiting one of the stalls. 

Jack froze as he thought he saw a familiar figure leave the bathroom.

“Ianto?” Jack thought, his heart suddenly skipping a beat. But as he realised how silly the thought was, the captain roughly shook his head and admonished himself.

“Get a grip Jack, what reason would Ianto have to be here?”

But the way the man walked…. the way he carried himself…. even his colouring reminded Jack so strongly of Ianto that he had to stop himself from running after him to check.

Jack sighed as he leaned over the counter and stared at his reflection in the mirror, the fluorescent lighting picking out every crease and imperfection in his features. 

Try as he might, it seemed these days no matter where he went, Jack kept thinking he saw Ianto out of the corner of his eye. In the tube, in every passing cab, walking in front of him on Oxford Street. 

“Why is it I keep thinking about you Ianto?” Jack asked himself as a faint hint of sadness coloured his eyes as he felt the sharp edge of the tile cut into his palm. “Why is it I don’t feel mad at you when I do?’ 

The truth was, no matter how hard he tried to forget him, memories of Ianto just kept following Jack like a vapour trail. But there was nothing he could do about it now. 

“I must be going insane,” the captain thought decidedly, even thought the excuse sounded stupid in his head. “It’s over and he’s no longer part of my life.”

Jack still held onto that thought with unwavering determination as he eventually left the bathroom. 

***

After all was said and done, it was finally time for Martha and Thomas to take the floor for their first dance as husband and wife amidst applause and wolf whistles. 

But you could almost hear the collective sigh of all the women in the room when Thomas twirled her around to Etta James’ At Last. 

“Dance Ianto?” Lisa asked as she placed an affectionate hand on his shoulder. Clasping his bigger hand over her smaller one, Ianto lead his wife to the dance floor to join all the other couples that were already swaying to the romantic song. 

As Lisa buried her face into the collar of her husband’s suit jacket, Ianto closed his eyes as they moved to the slow jazzy beat of the song. Ianto actually loved to dance, and this reminded him of the first time he had taken Lisa to a formal ball while in university. 

Just like that time, the lights had been dimmed down to near darkness with only a few spotlights highlighting the dancers on the floor.

“Still a spiffy dancer I see.”

Ianto’s eyes flew open when he heard Thomas’ voice and saw him and Martha dancing side by side with him and Lisa. 

“Nothing compared to you,” Ianto replied. 

“Congratulations to you both,” Lisa added. The happy couple nodded their thanks before being called away by Martha’s mother who wanted them to meet some people. 

As Ianto moved Lisa out of the way to make room, his eyes widened in alarm when his wife suddenly tripped and fell to the floor on her knees.

“Shit Lisa are you okay!” Ianto asked in a panic. He became even more worried when Lisa didn’t get up immediately, but instead stayed crouched the floor clutching her stomach. 

“I'm fine Ianto,” Lisa gasped as she tried to catch her breath. But Ianto didn’t buy it as he saw her cheeks turning pale.

“You are _not_ fine Lisa! I am going to find a doctor,” he said after he helped her to a nearby chair. 

“Ianto, no!” Lisa suddenly admonished, her grip hard on his wrist. She blanched even further when she saw that people had started staring at them.

“Lisa, stop being so stubborn! I am not going to leave you hurting!” Ianto scolded. 

“You are the one being stubborn Ianto!” Lisa suddenly snapped. “I said I was fine! Stop overreacting. Jesus, you act so needy around me sometimes! I'm not fucking fragile!” 

Ianto stepped back as if he had been slapped. _Needy?_ Was it acting needy when he was just concerned about his wife? 

When Lisa looked up, she felt a smack of regret at the hurt expression on his face. 

“Look, I'm sorry. I just…. don’t want to ruin Thomas’ day for him,” she said, softening her tone. “I'm okay really, I might have just eaten something bad.”

Pulling him down so they were eye level, Lisa placed both hands on either side of Ianto’s face and kissed him lightly on the lips.

“I know you care about me Ianto, but it’s okay. If I were really in pain I wouldn’t stop you going for help.” Lisa exhaled in relief when she saw the tense edge of Ianto’s mouth soften. 

“It must have been the champagne,” she joked weakly. Ianto managed to give a tight smile in return, but his eyes showed that he wasn’t completely convinced. 

“Is there something you are not telling me?” he asked. It took Lisa a full second to comprehend his question, after which she laughed. 

“No I am not pregnant you silly twit,” she chuckled, but then her expression turned into a frown as she touched her right earlobe. “But I have lost my earring, I think it’s under the table.”

“I’ll look for it,” Ianto said as he got on his hands and knees and crawled under the table. As he patted down every inch of the carpet, he gave a yelp of pain when someone trod hard on his ankle.

“Sorry!” came a muffled apology. But Jack, who had almost fallen headfirst as a result of tripping on that disembodied ankle, was actually more annoyed than apologetic. 

“Who the hell crawls around on the floor in the middle of a wedding? Must be some drunkard,” the captain concluded as he went off in search of Gwen. 

Ignoring the throbbing pain in his leg, Ianto let loose an exclamation of triumph when his hand closed around Lisa’s earring.

“Found it,” he said as emerged from under the tablecloth and handed the piece of jewellery back to his wife. 

But as he stood up to dust off his knees, something struck him about the voice he had just heard apologising to him. It nagged at him how eerily familiar it sounded. However, when Ianto looked around, he didn’t see anyone he recognised. 

“I think we should be heading home Ianto,” Lisa said, feeling much better after someone had fetched her a glass of water. 

Ianto nodded as he helped Lisa to her feet. After making their quick goodbye and thank you rounds, husband and wife made their way to the front of the hotel, grateful that the evening was over. 

However, they were halfway to the door when Lisa snapped her fingers. 

“Dammit, I forgot my shawl. Could you go get it Ianto? I will tell the concierge to get us a taxi.”

Ianto nodded as he made his way back to the ballroom, which was now partially empty save for Martha and Thomas’ closest friends and family.

Ianto was glad to see no one had taken Lisa’s scarf, which was lying limply on the chair. As he picked up the length of silk, his eyes inadvertently flickered to the dance floor. 

It was then he saw him. 

Jack, with his arms around Gwen as they danced a slow waltz. 

And suddenly Ianto found it hard to breathe. His heart had made its way to his throat and suddenly his knees felt weak. 

“I should leave,” he thought desperately. 

And Ianto would have…. he would have bolted for the door that very moment…. if it hadn’t been for one thing. 

If it hadn’t been for Jack turning around and seeing him too. 

Ianto knew then that he wouldn’t be able to move from that spot even if he wanted to. His feet just felt riveted to the floor. 

For a moment, both men just stared at each other as their feelings ran a gamut through them. 

Ianto had often wondered how he would feel if he ever ran into the captain again. He had expected to feel angry, bitter even. Ianto thought that even the briefest brush with the American would make him want to deck him again. 

Especially now since Gwen was there, providing a stark visual reminder of what had driven them apart. 

But as Ianto stood there, looking across the room at his former lover, he could have never anticipated the way he felt now. 

Because all he could think about was how Jack felt the last time he held him. All he could remember was Jack’s laugh in his ear, the smell of his hair and the muscular slope of his shoulders under his hands. 

All Ianto’s negative feelings fell away as he saw himself approaching Jack in his mind’s eye. In his head, Jack would just be _there_, standing alone, looking handsome as he always did, an expectant smile on his face. 

Ianto would walk up to him and rest his head on Jack’s shoulder, so he could place his face in the crook of his neck. Jack would thread their fingers together and pull him closer as he placed one hand on the small of Ianto’s back. 

The younger man could almost feel it. The passionate heat he knew Jack radiated whenever their bodies were pressed close together. The dampness on his skin where Jack would choose to kiss him. The fit of their bodies as they swayed to the music.

The scenario was so clear and so real to Ianto that it made his blood race to his head in a dizzying rush. 

“Ianto? Ianto?!”

It was the sound of Lisa’s voice, worried and annoyed, which finally shattered Ianto’s reverie. As the images of him and Jack stopped playing in his head, Ianto turned to find his wife right beside him.

“Lisa? What are you doing here?” Ianto asked, amazed that his voice didn’t sound shaky to his ears. 

“You were taking so long, I was beginning to think that something happened to you,” Lisa said. 

“At first I couldn’t find your scarf, but then I got distracted. Thought I saw somebody I knew,” Ianto said hurriedly slipping the shawl over his wife’s shoulders. “We should leave.”

“Do you want to say hello to your friend?” Lisa said, pointing in the direction of Jack and Gwen. 

“He isn’t my friend, he just looks like him,” Ianto said. Feet that had previously felt like lead now itched to leave. 

But Ianto did not dare to look back. 

***

“Jack? Are you okay?”

He was there, standing just a few feet away from him. Jack wasn’t out of mind like he had thought earlier, Ianto had been there.

“Dammit Jack, talk to me!” Gwen insisted, shaking him lightly by the shoulders. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” 

No, not a ghost, but he might as well have been one. After months of seeing Ianto’s shadow everywhere, it had rendered the captain motionless when he finally saw the real thing. And when Ianto had just looked at him it was all Jack could do not to walk over and kiss him.

“It’s those damn eyes of his. Fuck him…. fuck him and those eyes,” Jack thought. 

Suddenly Jack was struck by the overwhelming need to talk to him. To say what, he really didn’t know. He would figure that out when he met him face to face.

“I’ll be right back,” Jack said abruptly, ignoring the look of uncertainty on Gwen’s face.

“Jack? Don’t just run off… Jack!” Gwen almost yelled in despair she watched her fiancé dash off in the direction of the lobby. 

Brushing past all the other guests, Jack halted in the middle of the hotel foyer as he glanced around trying to pick out Ianto from the crowd. When he didn’t see anyone that resembled him, Jack all but ran to the porch. 

But no matter how hard he looked, he couldn’t find him. 

Ianto was gone.


	8. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love you all, that always needs to be said.

***

_Well, it’s time for us to be leaving, _   
_It hurts so much, it hurts so much inside, _   
_Now he’ll go his way, and I’ll go mine, _   
_Tomorrow we’ll meet the same place, the same time. (1)_

***

**One Week Later**

Ianto hesitated and wondered for the hundredth time that day whether he was doing the right thing or he was completely out of his mind.

But he needed to decide soon. He had actually been standing in front of the entrance to Jack’s apartment building for about twenty minutes now. Any longer and people would think he was casing the place.

“It’s not a big deal Ianto,” he thought in an effort to psyche himself. “It’s not as if you are here to start things up with him again. You are simply returning something to its rightful owner.”

His gaze traveled down to the boxy plastic bag at his feet as the logic of the argument spurred his courage.

A few weeks ago when Ianto had gone to pick up his new suit from Robert, the tailor had also given him some of Jack’s shirts by accident. Ever since then, the shirts had been sitting in one corner of his bedroom as Ianto decided what to do with them. 

He had considered a number of options, which included burning them, using them in some kind of voodoo ritual and even wearing them. However, the vintage shirts were not only too big for him, they did not suit Ianto’s more modern features.

In the end, he eventually figured that the right thing to do would be to return them to the shop. But after he had seen Jack at the wedding, Ianto decided he would hand the shirts back to the captain in person. 

“And it’s not because I want to see him again,” Ianto had reasoned firmly. Rather, he wanted to prove to himself that the American no longer had any sway over him.

Jack had made him weak once; Ianto was not going to let him do it a second time.

So why was it taking all his nerve to simply press the buzzer?

“Right, quick and painless,” Ianto said with a grim nod of determination as he extended his hand to press the intercom button for apartment 3-B. 

“Excuse me, are you looking for someone?”

Ianto’s heart lurched and crashed as he spun around and came face to face with Gwen, who was looking at him with a quizzical yet suspicious expression on her face.

“Actually I am here to deliver something but I'm not sure which apartment I am suppose to deliver it to,” he said smoothly without missing a beat.

No one could ever accuse Ianto of not thinking quickly on his feet.

“It’s a stupid mistake I know but someone at the shop must have fudged up the order,” he added, grimacing down at the invoice in his hand. 

“By any chance would you happen to know a Captain Jack Harkness and what apartment he lives in?”

Ianto saw Gwen’s expression instantly relax, as he knew it would. 

“Jack Harkness is my fiancé and he did mention to me that he had ordered some shirts a few months ago.”

Gwen brushed past him and pressed the buzzer to her apartment.

“Gwen? Why are you using the intercom? Did you forget your keys?” a familiar American drawl crackled out of the speaker. 

“No I didn’t Jack, a nice man is here to drop off some shirts you ordered,” Gwen said. Ianto obligingly leaned forward to place his mouth near the intercom. 

“Captain Harkness, I have your shirts from Robert’s & Sons. You had them fitted a few months back,” Ianto said, wondering if the older man would recognise his voice.

The long pause that followed told Ianto that he had. 

“They took quite a while to get to me, surely I am not that difficult to tailor for?” Jack finally said, the mild sarcasm obvious despite the poor audio.

“They had gotten mixed up with another customer’s order. We apologise profusely of course and as a gesture of goodwill, there will be a discount if you choose to patronise our shop again,” Ianto said as he made a mental note to tell Robert. It had been the tailor’s mistake after all. 

“I will come down to sign for them then,” Jack said. 

“Oh don’t bother coming all the way down, I will sign for them,” Gwen said briskly as she held out her hand for the invoice. Almost as a reflex, Ianto handed her his pen that she used to scribble her signature at the bottom of the paper. 

“There you go,” she said handing the invoice back to him. Ianto nodded and turned to leave, stifling a sigh of relief that he wouldn’t have to see Jack in the flesh.

“By the way…”

Ianto froze as Gwen stared at him with an unfathomable look on her face.

“I have to ask Jack how fancy is this tailor he goes to. They certainly dress up their errand boys well.”

_Errand boy_? Ianto looked down at his immaculate grey suit. He had come straight from work, having decided to drop the shirts off after he was done for the day.

“It’s good advertising for the shop ma’am,” Ianto replied with a smile, even has he clenched his fists so hard the skin between his knuckles hurt. 

“Well you certainly look good in it,” Gwen said admiringly. The compliment stung Ianto even more than her ‘errand boy’ comment had.

“We aim to please,” Ianto said, all the while keeping his patented good-upbringing smile on his face. Then he abruptly turned on his heel and left before Gwen could add anything further.

If he stayed any longer he wouldn’t have been able to stop himself from saying something drastic. 

With one last glance over his shoulder, Ianto made his escape.

Not realising that a pair of blue eyes were intently following his every move.

***

As he watched Ianto disappear around the corner, Jack leaned against his balcony and tried to make sense of Ianto being on his doorstep as Gwen inspected his purchase.

“I seriously hope you didn’t spend too much on these shirts Jack,” Gwen said as she took one out of the bag and shook it to smoothen out the wrinkles. 

“Although the work on these is exquisite. Too bad you’ve already ordered your tux otherwise I would ask you to go back to this guy.”

“Sorry Gwen, what were you saying?” Jack asked when he finally made his way back into the apartment. Gwen frowned as she realised that Jack hadn’t heard a word she had said.

“What is up with you these days Jack?” she said sharply, a bubble of irritation rising in her chest. “You have been a real space case as of late. First you ran out on me with no explanation at Martha’s wedding and now you hardly listen to a word I say!”

Gwen stalked up to Jack and placed her hands on his shoulders.

“You are not… having doubts about marrying me are you?” Gwen asked, the tremble in her voice making Jack feel like shit.

“I just have a lot on my mind these days Gwen,” Jack said, unable to think of anything else that wouldn’t end in an ugly fight.

“Our wedding is in three months, it’s a big change for me and there are some things I need to do before then. Some issues I need to sort out,” he said.

Instead of getting mad at him though, Gwen simply nodded and dragged them both down to the couch.

“I understand Jack, but it’s okay,” she placated as she clasped his hand in hers. Jack gave her a confused look.

“You do?” 

“Of course I do, you are simply getting a case of cold feet,” Gwen said, the psychiatrist in her rearing its head. “Especially for you Jack, given your past history. I am not just asking you to give up half the world for me, I am asking you to give up the whole world for me.”

Jack flinched, knowing that it wasn’t as easy or as clear-cut as she had put it. 

“It’s not just that Gwen,” Jack said, recognising this as the opportune moment to tell her everything that was tumbling through his gut. That he wasn’t sure she was the one he wanted to marry. 

Or that she was the one for him like he had originally thought. And that he wasn’t quite ready to give up his freedom yet, or that he was ready to give it up at all period.

That on the one night where she had never been more enchanting, all he could think about was how handsome Ianto looked in green.

“Trust me Jack, I have seen this hundreds of times whenever engaged couples come in for counseling.” Gwen said getting to her feet and kissing him on the forehead. “So you should go and deal with whatever it is that is bothering you and get if off your chest.”

“But Gwen…” Jack started but she disappeared into the bedroom before he could continue. 

He groaned and put his head in his hands. He had wanted her to yell at him, to demand what was on his mind. She certainly wasn’t above it, but he also recognised her behaviour as typical Gwen. 

It amazed Jack how compassionate she could be in some matters and yet extremely stubborn in others, seeing her own point of view so strongly that it blinkered her to everyone else’s. 

She was right about one thing though. He needed to make things right. 

*** 

**The Next Day**

Ianto was having the crappiest of crappy days.

Lisa had been unbelievably short-tempered over the past week, picking fights with him over the smallest things. And Ianto being Ianto had just kept quiet, not wanting to get into a row over nothing in hopes that it would blow over. 

However, this morning he had still been smarting over yesterday’s exchange with Gwen and finally snapped back at his wife. With the tension in the apartment nearing unbearable, he had been glad to leave for his half-day of work, which hadn’t turned out much better.

Hence why the last person he wanted to see loitering in front of the entrance to his university was Jack. 

Ianto skidded to a stop before his foot could reach the bottom step and abruptly did an about-turn. 

“Why today of all days, he suddenly decides to visit?” Ianto thought as he clenched his jaw.

“Hey Ianto! Wait up!” Jack yelled as he chased after him, trying not to lose him in the throng of students. 

“What are you doing here Jack?” Ianto asked over his shoulder, not slacking his pace. But it didn’t stop the captain from easily catching up with him. 

“I just wanted to talk that’s all,” Jack said grabbing Ianto by the arm.

“What’s there left to say? I thought we said quite enough the last time,” Ianto replied roughly shaking off Jack’s hand, trying to ignore the tingle in his skin. It seemed as if his body would never stop betraying him whenever the captain was in close proximity. 

“Well most of that was said in anger and it wasn’t the right way to leave things.” Jack hooked his hands behind his back for lack of a better option. 

“Come on, just hear me out, please.”

Ianto slowed down his steps until they were both standing still, as the lunchtime crowd jostled and bumped them.

“You have until I finish lunch, Jack. Then I would appreciate you not coming by my work place ever again,” Ianto said sternly. 

Jack nodded; it was more than he had hoped for actually. 

Eventually both men made their way to a park near the university where Ianto chose a bench that was away from the main path. Even then the park was still busy with people enjoying the unexpectedly mild spring day. 

Jack watched the younger man bring out a green and white Marks and Spencer’s bag from his satchel, which contained a prawn and mayo sandwich along with a bottle of Tango. He couldn’t stop himself from hungrily eyeing Ianto’s lunch; he loved prawn and mayo.

“Would you like half?” Ianto asked politely, unable to bear the thought of anyone going hungry, even if it was the American. Jack hesitated a fraction before nodding his head. 

Ianto scooted over and handed Jack the tissue-wrapped sandwich before returning to the far end of the bench. 

“Should I be worried that you are being so nice to me?” Jack asked with a twinkle in his eye as he bit into the sandwich. 

“I’m not being that nice, you aren’t having any of my drink,” Ianto replied sardonically as he started on his own half. 

“You also don’t have to sit so far away Ianto, I won’t bite. Well, unless you want me to,” Jack was about to wink when he stopped himself. “It’s remarks like that isn’t it? That gives me my reputation.”

Ianto gave the captain a guarded smile. While he appreciated that Jack clearly was making an effort to behave himself, Ianto still bridled whenever he thought about Gwen’s comment. 

The worst part was, he wasn’t even that mad at her. He was angrier at himself because that was what he had ended up being for the captain eventually. He had allowed himself to become Jack’s dogsbody, following him around and obeying his whims without a second thought. 

“You said you wanted to talk Jack, and I am already halfway through,” Ianto said.

Jack drew his body up straight and clasped his hands between his knees as he composed his thoughts carefully in his head.

“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently, and I feel horrible about how we ended things last time. I mean,” Jack ran his hand through his hair. “We had a great thing going, even before we started sleeping with each other.”

Jack took a deep breath. 

“And I was wondering if we could have that back. I want us to be friends again Ianto,” Jack finished simply. 

Ianto almost choked on his drink and shot Jack a hard glance.

“You want things back to the way they were? Pretend like the physical aspect of it never existed?” Ianto said sceptically.

“I never said it was going to be easy.” Jack shrugged. “But I am more willing to work at something that I think is worth it.” 

“I thought you said it couldn’t be one without the other,” Ianto challenged.

“Well I also said that I would have nothing more to do with you and look how that ended up,” Jack said wryly.

“We let the sex become the center of our relationship, which we shouldn’t have. I’ve come to realise that it’s the companionship that I miss more.”

Ianto was silent for a moment as he ran over Jack’s words in his head and ran his finger around the rim of the bottle.

“Was the sex….was it that bad then?” Ianto asked carefully. Jack raised an eyebrow in surprise. 

“Oh God no, the sex was amazing, don’t ever think otherwise,” Jack said with gentle insistence. “But the strain of guilt it put on our friendship was simply not worth it.”

Ianto tried not to let his shock show as he finally realised what Jack was offering him. A chance for them to be close, to have each other as a sounding board, without any of the complications that had eventually cracked the bond between them. 

And for someone like Jack, who revelled in every sensual aspect of life, it would have been easier for him to offer Ianto the moon on a string.

“Are you…. Captain Jack Harkness telling me that you want to be just friends with me? No more flirtatious remarks, no more suggestive comments whenever I suck on my biscotti when we are having coffee,” Ianto asked, facing his head away so Jack could not see the mildly vindictive glint in his eye. 

Jack squirmed uncomfortably in his seat. 

“Come on Ianto, I’m only human. And I have seen you naked before, so don’t expect me to control my active imagination,” Jack said and then stopped again.

“It really is comments like that isn’t it?” the captain said self-deprecatingly.

“And then some,” Ianto said softly. He paused for a few seconds before he spoke again, wanting to ask Jack something that had been on his mind.

“Jack…. did I ever act needy around you?” Ianto asked deliberately, tying his sandwich wrapper and empty bottle in the plastic bag. 

Jack was taken aback at the randomness of Ianto’s question.

“No Ianto, never. You are actually one of the most capable people I know. So capable in fact that I think you would run your whole department single-handedly if you could.”

“You were so self contained that the only time I ever knew you needed me was when we were in the bedroom.”

Jack shrugged and gave Ianto his usual blinding grin.

“Now when I am giving you a blowjob on the other hand… that was a different story.”

Ianto finally did laugh this time, a low accepting chuckle that lifted Jack’s hopes a fraction. His optimism spiked even higher when Ianto chose to close the distance between them. 

“It’s nice to see that some things don’t change,” Ianto said dryly but he couldn’t stop the spark of fondness he felt for the American edge his features. “Don’t ever change Jack, for anyone, promise me that.”

Ianto took a deep breath before angling his body slightly away from Jack so he could look off to the side. To buy him a few seconds before he finally decided what to do. 

“But I’m sorry, I don’t think I could ever be your friend,” he finally said without inflection. 

The captain was crestfallen. 

“I guess I have to accept that, as hard as it is,” Jack said, trying to keep the disappointment out of his voice. 

“Then I guess I’d better be...” Jack motioned to get up only to be stopped by Ianto’s hand on his shoulder. 

“I don’t want to be _just_ your friend Jack,” Ianto said, his grey-blue eyes finally losing that tincture of sadness he had carried around with him for months. 

He then cupped Jack’s face in hands and pulled him closer for a kiss in full view of everyone. 

Ianto felt that all to familiar kick of desire low in his belly when their lips finally touched. But above that he heard his mind telling him how right this felt, and his body hummed the way it did when he imagined Jack dancing with him. 

Jack only faltered for a second before kissing Ianto back. His tongue insistently opening the younger man’s mouth so he could convey his own longing. Jack had always loved the way Ianto kissed, a slick forceful press of lip, that was surprisingly tender at the same time. 

But uncertainty still gnawed at him so strongly that it made the captain break contact first. 

“What was that for Ianto?” Jack asked, when they finally parted, lust thickening his voice. But there were no questions or doubts for Ianto. He knew what he wanted and he didn’t hesitate placing his arms around Jack’s neck and whispering in his ear.

“Let’s go back to your apartment.”

The captain certainly did not need asking twice. 

*** 

But a few minutes later Jack was beginning to have second thoughts. 

Ianto hadn’t said a word since they got into the SUV and headed in the direction of Heathrow. He didn’t even look in Jack’s direction, instead preferring to stare out the window with his chin resting on the heel of his hand. 

Usually Jack wouldn’t have minded the silence given the shortness of the journey, but as they were stuck in the post-lunch traffic snarl, it weighed heavily in the small space. 

“Are you sure about this?” Jack finally asked in all seriousness. While he didn’t doubt the sincerity of Ianto’s intentions, he did wonder whether the younger man had thought this through.

Ianto’s body stiffened a little at Jack’s words and the captain could have kicked himself for destroying the mood. But he needed to know that Ianto wasn’t going to turn on him the minute they were done having sex, that he wasn’t going to view it as a mistake. 

Jack waited with bated breath as Ianto turned around and moved as close to the American as his seatbelt would allow. 

“I am sure Jack. But if it’s alright with you, could we not talk about it until later,” Ianto said softly as he gently placed his hand on the older man's thigh. Although the contact had been brief, Jack’s cock hardened at the slight rustle of fabric. 

“Okay Ianto, we will play it your way,” Jack thought as Ianto went back to gazing out the window. 

But the minute they got into the lift, Ianto stopped being so placid and instead roughly pulled Jack closer by his belt loops for another kiss. This kiss had lost the soft touch of earlier and instead caused Jack to harden further as Ianto slid their bodies close together. 

Ianto pushed the captain’s greatcoat off his shoulders before they were even through the doorway, while Jack did the same to his suit jacket. 

Jack practically slammed Ianto against the closed door as deft fingers undid the younger man’s tie before starting on his shirt. Ianto didn’t even bother to push down Jack’s braces and went straight for his shirt, pulling it free from the waistband of his pants. 

Both men continued stripping each other using gestures that were hurried yet sure at the same time. They were so familiar with the twists and turns of each other’s body that it didn’t take very long for dormant passion to graduate to full-blown arousal. 

Ianto knew that lightly raking his nails down Jack’s sensitive sides would wring fleeting groans from the captain. While Jack knew that a well-placed bite to the sensitive dip between Ianto’s neck and shoulder would take out his knees. 

They were naked before they even reached the bed and even then, it was too slow going for the American. 

Jack pressed his body weight against Ianto so that they were lying on the threshold of the bedroom, his large hand encircling both their cocks. Ianto dug his nails into the small of Jack’s back when the older man twisted his wrist in a particularly knowledgeable manner. 

“God I missed how you taste Ianto,” Jack murmured as he sidled his body against Ianto’s and felt both their bellies become sticky with pre-orgasmic fluid. 

Ianto instinctively parted his legs so the captain could rest more comfortably against him and blindly reached lower so he could twist Jack’s right nipple until it hardened. He then ran a thumb through their combined pre-cum so he could coat his own stiff nipples. 

“Jack… suck me there Jack,” Ianto said with a strangled groan as Jack ran his fingertips through his pubic hair to cup his balls. 

Jack nuzzled his way through the shadow of hair on Ianto’s chest until he reached his pectorals and laved his tongue over the sensitive buds. His cock hardened even further as light musk and salt suffused his taste buds. 

Ianto tangled his hands in Jack’s hair as he gave a particular vicious nip to his left nipple before continuing downwards towards his dick. 

The younger man’s body arched as Jack ran his tongue around the flared head of his cock before dragging the tip up and down his length. 

“Did you miss this Ianto?” Jack asked roughly. “Did you miss my mouth on you?”

“Yes,” Ianto responded, not embarrassed at how raspy his voice sounded. “I love your blowjobs Jack… I miss how well you suck me.”

Jack did not need any more urging before swallowing part of Ianto’s cock. He relaxed his throat so he could take in the rest until his nose was flush against the other man’s pelvis. 

But as tempting as it was to come in Jack’s mouth, Ianto did not want him like this. Propping himself up on his elbows, Ianto tugged at Jack’s hair until he let the younger man’s cock slip free.

“Bed, Jack,” Ianto ordered as he helped the American to his feet. The aggressive streak in Ianto took over as he spun Jack around so that the back of his knees hit the footboard. 

“I am going to fuck you blind Captain,” Ianto growled as he pushed Jack onto the bed. Jack raised a questioning eyebrow.

“I don’t think so Ianto,” Jack said, his voice just as hard. “I’ve dreamed of sliding my cock into your tight asshole for months.”

Ianto frowned as he straddled the American, putting as much of his weight against him as he dared.

“No Jack, I either fuck you or we don’t fuck at all,” Ianto said as he maneuvered his body around so his penis hovered above the older man’s mouth. 

Jack’s hands gripped the duvet as Ianto swiftly fellated him, gripping the base of his dick as he sucked and teased. 

But Jack was not one to be pushed around by a man he had bottomed more often than not, especially with Ianto’s puckered entrance so close within reach. 

“Are you sure about that?” Jack asked darkly as he penetrated Ianto dry with his index finger as he caught the beads of fluid dripping from the eye of his dick.

Ianto closed his eyes as he tried to reign in the flashes of lust coursing through him. He exhaled slowly through his nose as he fucked Jack with two sweat-slicked fingers. He felt Jack’s body tense around both digits when he hummed, the strong vibrations causing Jack to gasp around his cock. 

Ianto took advantage of the captain’s moment of weakness to crook his fingers so he could massage Jack’s prostate with long, deliberate strokes. The younger man ignored the pleasure in his own body to roughly knead Jack’s balls in quick firm motions. 

When Jack’s ministrations on his cock became sloppy, Ianto knew he had him. 

“Still want to fuck me Jack?” Ianto asked as he pressed his two fingers harder into Jack’s sweet spot. 

“Always Ianto,” Jack retorted, the deeper meaning in his words causing Ianto’s heart to flip over. But Jack’s body betrayed his real intentions as he pushed Ianto away so he could turn on his stomach.

“However, if you want to take me, go ahead,” Jack said begrudgingly. “But make sure you make it good.”

Jack grabbed a pillow to bolster his hips, inadvertently parting his ass cheeks for Ianto. He felt the bed shift as Ianto got off the bed to rummage through the bedside table for the lube and condoms. 

Ianto was glad to find the drawer well stocked and the KY looking like it hadn’t been used in a while.

As he got onto his knees behind Jack, Ianto squeezed a substantial amount on his hand before letting his fingers trace the path from the small of the captains back, through the parting of his buttocks to his perineum. 

Ianto then followed the shiny trail with his lips and tongue, the slightly medicinal taste of the KY mixing with salt musk of Jack’s skin. He only rimmed him for a few minutes before pushing his fingers back into the American’s opening, flinching when he found it tighter than expected.

Jack groaned into the mattress when he felt Ianto’s fingers scissor in order to loosen the tight muscle. The captain forced himself to relax, his hips twitching when Ianto added in a third finger.

“I’m not going to last,” he warned Ianto. Jack almost sighed in relief when Ianto removed his fingers and heard the sound of a condom packet being torn open. 

It was all the warning he got before Ianto pushed his cock inside him, slowly but firmly until Jack’s buttocks pressed against his pubic bone. 

Despite the slight pain of being fucked again after a long time, it helped Jack regain some control. Even so, he still gritted his teeth when Ianto gave a shallow thrust in order to let him adjust. 

But Ianto soon picked up speed and Jack found himself practically being nailed to the bed as his thrusts became faster. 

“Is that good enough Jack?” Ianto asked, his tone almost guttural. 

“Yes Ianto… so good,” Jack groaned as he pushed back onto Ianto’s cock. “Come on… a little harder… yes,” he exhaled as one particularly hard thrust struck his prostate. 

Wishing to urge the younger man on, Jack reached back until his fingers were resting in the cleft of Ianto’s ass. The slight difference in their heights allowed the captain to push in one fingertip into his entrance. 

Ianto gasped.

“That’s playing dirty,” Ianto said scowling. The captain just turned his head so Ianto could catch a glimpse of his sinful grin and lust-filled eyes. 

But instead of getting angry, Ianto simply upped the ante by gathering Jack in his arms and leaned back onto his haunches. With Jack fully seated on his lap, it let Ianto pound into Jack as deep as he liked. 

Jack’s breathing stuttered at the change in position, but it also allowed his fingers to reach in deeper until Ianto was breathing as hard as he was. 

“Jack, you feel so good,” Ianto murmured as one hand squeezed Jack’s pectorals while the other pumped his cock. 

The dominant side of Jack wanted the younger man to climax first, so he moved back until he felt Ianto’s wire silk hair brush his back.

“Did you think about this when you jerked off Ianto?” he said softly into Ianto’s ear. 

“Did you think about burying your cock so deep inside me that it’s practically up to my throat? That when your hand gripped your dick, you imagined it was my body?” Jack affectionately taunted as he ran his tongue over the delicate shell of Ianto’s ear. 

Ianto caught his breath as Jack’s words caused his body to spasm. Clenching his jaw, Ianto thrust in deeper and twisted his wrist up and down until Jack couldn’t hold back anymore. 

Jack came a groan as his cock spurted semen over Ianto’s hand and onto the bed sheets. Even though he had come first, Jack still shot Ianto a victorious smile.

“Hit a nerve didn’t I?” he said laughing softly as he wickedly licked his cum from the side of his hand. 

“You talk too much,” Ianto snapped as his hips moved faster, any satisfaction he might have felt blunted by his own need for orgasm.

He only lasted a handful of thrusts more before he climaxed with Jack whispering encouragements into his ear and running a hand through Ianto’s sweat dampened hair. 

Ianto felt his bones turn to jelly as he let Jack slip from his grasp so that they both were lying horizontal on the bed again as the younger man tried to catch his breath. 

They lay like that for a few minutes before Ianto pulled out so he could deal with the condom that was now heavy with cum. 

After tossing it into the trash, Ianto wet the hand towel by the sink so he could wipe Jack’s semen off his hand. He then returned to the bed so he could do the same for Jack until the captain stilled his hand so he could kiss him. 

Both men kissed as the post-orgasmic bliss flooded their veins. But even when both their heartbeats returned to normal, Jack kept kissing him, dreading but wanting the talk he knew was going to follow.

And Ianto let him, running his hands over Jack’s sweaty back as he drew him closer. 

However, Ianto soon drew back so as to put some space between them as Jack gazed at him with an expectant look on his face.

“You are going to ask what this means Jack, aren’t you?” Ianto said as he threw the towel on the floor. 

“Well, it seems as if I am the one that is in the dark here,” Jack said as he bolstered himself on one elbow. “You were the one that kissed me and… frankly, I hate being in the dark.”

“At first you act like you can’t stand being around me, then you ask me to bring you here so you can fuck me. You can’t really blame me for being a bit confused.”

Ianto sighed, he had already planned what he wanted to say in the car but suddenly he felt tendrils of uncertainty creep into his argument. 

“Would you hate me if I told you I wasn’t a hundred percent sure?” Ianto replied softly.

“What I can promise you though is that this isn’t a one-off, neither is it an invitation to go back to the way things were,” he said, drawing himself up so he was sitting cross-legged in front of the captain. 

“I missed having you in my life as well Jack. And I meant what I said, I don’t want to be just your friend,” Ianto said with conviction. “I crave for you too much for that.”

Ianto took Jack’s hands into his own, his thumbs rubbing against the backs of his knuckles.

“And fate seems intent on throwing us together, so what I am proposing is that we take a couple of weeks to think things through.”

“What?” Jack exclaimed, trying to pull away only to be stopped by Ianto tightening his grip.

“This isn’t some kind of goodbye or brush-off Jack. I am just asking that we take some time to sort out our lives. To decide how we are going to be together in the grand scheme of things.”

Ianto dragged Jack closer so he could hug him. 

“Nothing’s changed you know that,” he said sadly. “But if this is going to work, we are going to have to approach it with clear and rational minds. That isn’t going to happen when we are together, because when we are it always leads to sex.”

Ianto drew back and brushed the hair from Jack’s forehead. 

“That is not how you want to start this relationship is it Jack? Especially if we want it to be more than it is,” he said. 

Jack opened his mouth and then stopped. As much as he hated to admit it, Ianto was right. It was a logical thing to ask as Gwen and Lisa were still firmly in the picture.

“You're right Ianto,” Jack admitted. “But it feels different this time, doesn’t it?” Jack added gently. 

Instead of answering, Ianto simply kissed him, hoping that it would be enough. 

“So shall we meet at your favourite coffee place in a fortnight? Around four?” Ianto said, ever the planner. Jack chuckled at his anal retentiveness. 

“Sounds good to me,” Jack glanced at the clock on the nightstand. “In the meantime, want to go for dinner? Japanese? On me?”

“Sure but we are splitting the bill,” Ianto insisted. Jack nodded but his expression became stricken as a thought occurred to him.

“Shit I promised that I would meet Owen for drinks,” Jack said as he dropped to the floor and searched for his phone. 

“Your friend who works at London General?” Ianto said. “Are you sure you want to break your meeting with him for me? I wouldn’t mind if you did.”

“Nah it’s okay, it wasn’t a firm meet anyway. He is so busy these days, he would welcome a chance to finish up some work,” Jack gave a cry of success as he found his cell. 

He sat on the bed and composed his message to Owen as Ianto looked over his shoulder. But having the younger man so close to him was having an unexpected effect lower down.

Ianto grinned wryly as he saw Jack’s cock jump. 

“Aren’t you tired old man?” he teased. Jack shrugged unrepentantly as he finished typing his message.

“What can I say? My body likes you,” Jack said, not looking up as he pressed the ‘send’ button. Ianto gave a long-suffering sigh.

“Well we can’t have you going to dinner with an erection can we?” Ianto said with an uncharacteristic wink as he pushed Jack until he was prostrate on the bed. 

Jack let his phone fall to the floor as Ianto went down on him.

***

Owen’s brow furrowed as he heard his phone beep with an incoming message. 

“Can’t make it tonight, apologies. Something came up. Tomorrow, usual time and place? Will buy the first two rounds,” Owen read Jack’s message out loud before replying with an “okay”.

He actually wasn’t that miffed that Jack couldn’t meet him tonight. It had never been etched in stone anyway and his nurse had just come in with a last minute consultation. 

Putting his phone away, Owen frowned as he went through the x-rays in front of him. Running his eye through the report that accompanied the images, the words ‘advanced’, ‘looks inoperable’ and ‘aggressive’ jumped out at him.

The patient had been diagnosed with colon cancer, which had started to spread into her lower intestine. The situation wasn’t completely dire, but Owen had a feeling in his gut that this was going to be a complicated case. 

“Sara could you send the patient in please,” Owen asked his nurse as he leaned back into his chair and held an x-ray to the light. 

He lowered it when Sara ushered in the patient, his heart sinking when he saw how young she was. 

“Please sit Miss Jones,” he said gesturing to the chair on the other side of his desk.

“Its Mrs., but you can call me Lisa.”


	9. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please enjoy :)

***

_Don’t leave anything more than what’s already left, _   
_I hold on to this goodbye, as I fall asleep,_   
_And the faint heat vanishes like tobacco, _   
_The days that won’t return, the person I loved. (6)_

***

“Well Lisa, I’ve taken a look at your file and although I don’t completely agree with my colleague on certain things, the barebones of his diagnosis is accurate,” Owen steepled his hands as he placed his elbows on the desk. 

Lisa clutched her handbag tighter as she nodded for him to go on. 

“You have cancer of the colon, which has already started to spread to other areas of your intestine. It’s only mildly aggressive, which is a good thing, but the prognosis for this kind of cancer is never good.”

Owen gave Lisa a minute to let the news sink in as he read her file more thoroughly. Usually he didn’t take on this type of case so last minute, but the doctor that had referred her was a good friend of his. 

But he stopped and gave her a knowing look once he saw what her occupation was. 

“But you should already know this given your profession”

“Yes I do Dr. Harper,” Lisa agreed softly. “I also know this type of cancer can be difficult to detect, which is why I didn’t think to check for it earlier when I started to get stomach pains regularly. I thought it was just menstrual pains to be honest.”

“It can mask itself as that in the early stages,” Owen explained as he ran his fingers over the dark spots on the x-ray film. 

“Actually, may I say that I am surprised to see you here alone Lisa. Shouldn’t your husband be here with you, given the seriousness of your condition?”

“I actually haven’t gotten the courage to tell Ianto, that’s my husband, yet,” Lisa said, looking downwards as she folded her hands on her lap. 

“You see, Ianto lost his father to cancer a few years ago and it devastated him. Overnight I saw my husband turn from a carefree young man to a somber adult, who keeps all his emotions so bottled up that even I’m not sure when his happiness is real or just a façade.”

Owen frowned. 

“Surely he is not so delicate that you can’t tell him that you’ve got cancer,” he said a tad scornfully. From her description, Owen had already formed an image of her husband as some kind of fragile tea-boy. 

As if reading his mind, Lisa shot Owen a hard glare. 

“Make no mistake Dr. Harper, my husband is anything but delicate. He’s an amazingly strong-willed and capable person, who would take it upon himself to plan every course of my treatment down to the letter.”

Lisa inhaled slowly as she sat back in her chair. 

“But I would also like to spare him as much grief as I can. Hence why I’m here to seek a second opinion from you,” she said.

Owen’s expression softened when he saw the love in her eyes for her husband. 

“You work at Sacred Heart I see,” Owen said, as he went back to leafing through her report. “That is a fine hospital, and Dr Blane is a good doctor.”

“But I heard that you are the best. Everywhere I ask, your name pops up. You have this dogged determination when it comes to saving your patients, and they say your surgical skills are unsurpassed.”

Lisa smiled slyly as she added, “And I hear you will be joining us very soon.”

Owen’s jaw dropped a little in shock, which he hurriedly tried to cover up.

“Word gets around doesn’t it?” Owen said wryly. “I haven’t even told any of my closest friends yet that I’m changing hospitals.”

Lisa shrugged. “Nurses always like to discuss in detail when a new doctor comes onboard. To get feedback from other nurses so to speak. When is your last day here?”

“Tomorrow, I’ve been running around like a madman for weeks trying to get everything sorted before I leave,” Owen groused. 

“I was thinking of waiting until you showed up at Sacred Heart before seeing you but…” Lisa chewed her bottom lip as she tried not to let the gravity of what she was about to say get to her. 

“But, Dr. Blane didn’t think it would be wise to wait any longer before beginning treatment,” she finished. 

Owen tried to not his true feelings show as he looked at her. He _hated cases_ like this.

“Well, you are young, which does help. And contrary to what Dr. Blane says, I think parts of your cancer are operable,” Owen said, the solidness of his tone telling Lisa that all hope was not lost. 

“However, I agree that we will have to attack this thing with all guns blazing, so to speak,” Owen said as he jotted down some instructions on a notepad. 

“I would like to run a couple more tests before we start though,” he said as he tore off the sheet and handed it to her. 

“Sara is coming with me so you can just give this to her on the way out. She will arrange for the tests to be done at Sacred Heart so that when I arrive next week, we can hit the ground running.”

“Thank you Dr. Harper,” Lisa said gratefully. “That is the best news I’ve heard all week.”

“I will see you again in a week Lisa, and this time, I want to see your husband with you,” Owen said sternly. 

Lisa nodded vigorously. 

“Now that there is a chance, I won’t dread telling him so much. Although I have been extremely snappy with him this past week while I waited for Dr. Blane to give me my test results,” Lisa admitted remorsefully. 

“That’s a normal reaction for someone in your position. I would be on edge too,” Owen said comfortingly. 

“And to be frank, if I were your husband, I would be more upset that you kept it from me.”

Lisa closed her eyes as her grip on the piece of paper tightened.

“I will tell him Dr. Harper, soon. I just need to find the right time.”

As she left his room, Owen sighed and wondered if there ever was a right time to tell the person you loved that you were dying. 

***

**One Week Later**

Jack took a slow walk around his apartment as he waited for Gwen to come home. He ran his fingers over the polished surface of the dining table and gripped the edges of Gwen’s favourite table runner. 

Memories of the good times they both had here kept replying in his head like a home video as the weight of what he was going to do pressed down on his shoulders. 

But along with the guilt came an ironclad resolve. Ianto had been right in saying that they needed time apart to sort out their lives. And during that time, Jack realised the truth that he had been denying himself for months. 

That as much as he cared for Gwen, it wasn’t enough for him to marry her. That he couldn’t promise her that she was the be all and end all for him. The ease at which he started his relationship with Ianto was proof enough. 

And his willingness to go back to Ianto just nailed the fact home. 

“Jack?”

The captain started as he heard the door slam and jangle of keys as Gwen entered the apartment.

“Welcome back Gwen,” Jack said softly, not daring to turn around lest she see that sadness in his expression. 

“God, traffic was shite today,” Gwen said as she dumped her purse on the couch. When Jack didn’t move, she hugged him from behind, frowning when she felt him noticeably stiffen. 

“Jack? Is anything the matter?” she asked, turning him around by his shoulders so she could look at him. The pained look on his face made her stomach tighten in knots.

“Sit down Gwen, we need to talk,” Jack said softly. Gwen jerked back as if she had been burned. 

“Jack, what’s going on?” she asked, as panic started to lace the knots in her gut. 

“Sit down, please,” he implored as he pulled her in the direction of the living room couch. Gwen snatched her hand away as she took a step back. 

“I won’t sit down Jack, not until you tell me what the fuck is going on,” Gwen demanded, folding her arms across her chest.

Jack sighed as he pulled out a dining room chair. 

“Fine you stand then, but you need to hear this,” Jack said as he sat down on the chair. He looked up at Gwen and took a deep breath.

“I want to call off our engagement Gwen. I don’t want to be your husband,” he said finally. 

It took a few seconds before his words made sense to Gwen. For a few heartbeats she just stared at him before her face crumpled and tears welled up in her eyes. 

“You can’t mean that Jack,” Gwen said, the hot salt at the back of her throat choking her words. 

“Yes I do Gwen,” Jack stood up and took her shaking hands into his. “I’m not the one you are meant to spend the rest of your life with, neither are you for me.”

“But, we’ve been so happy Jack. At least I thought we were,” Gwen pulled away as she roughly brushed away her tears with the back of her hand. 

“We were Gwen, with emphasis on ‘were’,” Jack said. Gwen glared at him as anger started to build up within her. 

“And you couldn’t tell me this earlier?” she hissed. “Before we sent out the wedding invites, before we booked the hall… before I made a right idiot of myself thinking that you had finally agreed to settle down.”

“You have every right to paint me as the villain in all of this. And I will pay for everything, it is my fault after all,” Jack said. 

“It’s not the fucking money Jack! I will not let you buy your way out of this,” Gwen said as she stalked off in the direction of the bedroom. 

“I know it’s not, Gwen!” Jack tried to reach for her only to have the bedroom door slammed in his face. 

Placing his palms against the wood, Jack leaned his forehead on the door as he spoke.

“You deserve someone who loves you, wholeheartedly. Someone who worships the ground you walk on. And that person is not me.”

Jack closed his eyes as he pressed his mouth closer to the door. 

“I can’t pretend to be any more.”

He almost fell forward as Gwen viciously wrenched open the door. 

“Don’t you _dare_ Jack! Don’t you dare pull this ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ crap. It’s fucking bullshit and you know it!” Gwen yelled at him, as tears continued to stream down her face. 

Although the sight made his insides clench, his resolve didn’t waver. 

“It’s the truth Gwen and you know it too,” he said. 

“Don’t do this Jack, please. I love you,” Gwen pleaded reaching out to him. 

“I love you too Gwen,” Jack said, his eyes telling her he meant every word. “But I realised that our love is built on me being indebted to you. You made me care again about the people around me when I was too jaded to give a shit.”

He stepped up to her and brushed her bangs out of her eyes.

“However, it’s not enough to build a marriage on and you know that,” he added gently. When she started to tremble again, he tried to hug her only to be pushed back. 

“There's someone else isn’t there?” she accused, her voice low. 

Jack hesitated before answering, having dreaded this question over the past week. But he owed to Gwen to be honest with her, no matter how much of a bastard it made him look.

“Yes there is,” he said simply. “But that person is not the reason I am ending things with you. Even if this person hadn’t come along, we would have never made it.”

“You don’t know that Jack, you never gave us a chance,” Gwen said.

“I did, it just didn’t work out,” Jack said. Gwen’s head snapped up at his words.

“You’re fucking liar and I want you out of my apartment,” her eyes flashed as she shoved him backwards. 

Part of her wanted him to argue with her, to show her that their relationship still had a fighting chance. But her heart sank when Jack nodded his head. 

“I will send someone to pick up my things Gwen. But believe me when I say, all I wish for you is happiness from now on,” Jack said earnestly as he shrugged on his coat. 

“If there is anything left,” Gwen said spitefully. Jack froze in mid-step with his hand on the doorknob.

“I deserve that,” he said quietly. “Goodbye Gwen.” 

He hastily brushed a tear away from the corner of his eye, as the sound of her sobbing followed him down the hallway and into the lift. 

“I did the right thing,” Jack reasoned as he left the apartment. Gwen would bounce back, she always did. She was a good person, and he knew that it wouldn’t take long for someone else to see it. 

And he…. he was free to see where his relationship with Ianto would go. But, although that thought made him happier than he had been in months, it was still bittersweet. 

“Well Ianto, I’ve made my decision. I wonder what you decided?” Jack wondered. 

But Jack had a feeling that Ianto ultimately had chosen him too. 

***

It was the end of the day, and as usual, Ianto was the last to leave. 

Outside the campus was bustling with staff and students, all eager to leave for their evening plans. But their noisy clatter filtered through as just static to him. 

Sitting quietly in his office, Ianto rested his head in his hands as he realised he was about to do something he never thought he would ever do. 

He was going to ask his wife for a divorce. 

“Am I insane?” Ianto asked out loud. “Am I completely crazy to be throwing away my two year marriage over someone I’ve not even known a year?”

He had asked himself that question numerous times throughout the past week, each time coming up with a different answer as two sides of him battled it out. Every time he thought he had figured it out, a part of him would debunk it.

He was sure of one thing though, that he couldn’t lie to himself anymore. That he had strong feelings for both Jack and Lisa, and that he cared about them both in equal measure. 

“Can you feel that way about two people at once?” Ianto thought, as he habitually straightened his desk. 

Yet there were some subtle differences between how he felt about the both of them. He had loved Lisa for most of his adult life; she had been there for him when he thought his world had ended. At one point he was certain that no one knew him better than she did. 

In comparison though, exactly what he felt for the captain still eluded him. And it was that sliver of uncertainty that made him uneasy about asking for an outright divorce.

“Regardless, I’m going to tell her about Jack. She deserves to know and I will take it from there,” Ianto thought. 

He picked up his phone to call his wife only to go rigid when it started to ring, with her name flashing across the screen.

“Hello?”

“Ianto, you still at work?” Lisa asked.

“Yeah, I’m about to head home,” Ianto replied, hastily switching off his computer and placing a stack of work papers in his bag. 

“No, stay there. I’m in the area and…” the way she paused the conversation instinctively made Ianto grip his phone harder. “And I need to talk to you.”

“What about Lisa?” Ianto asked, still managing to sound calm even as his pulse sped up. 

“I will have to tell you in person. Meet you at the university garden café in about five minutes? Our usual seat,” she said affectionately before she hung up, but there was no disguising the strain in her voice. 

Worry bled into Ianto’s veins as he just stared at the phone in his hand. 

“Does she know?” he wondered. But if she did, she would have sounded angry more than anything else. Instead, she just sounded… sad. 

As he locked up his office and made his way to the university gardens, he ran countless prepared conversations in his head in the event that she confronted him about Jack. But even as he did it, he knew it was a pointless exercise. No words would be able to soften the hurt that was to come. 

She was already there waiting for him, toying with her coffee as she looked off into the distance. 

“What did you want to talk about Lisa?” Ianto asked, without preamble, wanting to know the point of this conversation as fast as possible. 

As he sat down on the chair opposite, weariness consumed his bones making him realise how tiring the emotional back-and-forth over the past week had been for him. 

“Not even a hello, Ianto?” Lisa asked quietly as she leaned over the table to kiss him on the cheek. Ianto caught her shoulder before she could sit down to reciprocate with a kiss on the lips.

“I’m sorry, it’s just…. you sounded so strange on the phone. What’s going on?” Ianto asked.

Lisa held her coffee cup a little tighter before she spoke.

“I’ve been hiding something from you Ianto, something I know I shouldn’t have and I know I should have told you earlier but I was just so scared and…” Lisa knew she was babbling, but it seemed that after weeks of keeping it a secret, the words just poured out of their own volition. 

“Lisa, slow down. You’re not making sense,” Ianto dragged his chair closer and placed his hand on top of hers. “What have you not been telling me?”

Lisa took a deep breath before lifting her head to look him in the eyes. 

“I have cancer Ianto.” 

Ianto felt the bottom of his world fall out. 

“You have… what?” Ianto said disbelievingly. 

“I have cancer,” she repeated, the tremble in her hands telling Ianto how close she was to collapsing. 

“Colon cancer to be exact. That is why I’ve been so short-tempered with you these past few weeks. I’ve been waiting for my test results and I… I,” but Lisa couldn’t go on as tremors wracked her body

“God Lisa, why didn’t you tell me? Why did you keep me in the dark?” Ianto almost yelled at her, his pain and sorrow making him irrational. 

“I’m so sorry Ianto, but I just didn’t know how to tell you. I thought I wanted to be sure,” Lisa hiccupped as her sobs punctuated ever word. 

“I’m scared Ianto,” Lisa admitted. “I’m so scared.”

Her words snapped Ianto back to reason as his anger turned to regret. He pulled his wife into his arms and placed her head on his shoulder, letting her cry. 

“It’s okay Lisa, I’m here. We will get through this,” Ianto said as he held her tighter as water started to gather in his eyes. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” he whispered as his tears began to fall. 

***

**One Week Later**

“Another refill love?” 

Ianto nodded at the waitress as she waved the coffee pot she was holding in his direction.

“Yes, please,” he said quietly. It must have been his fifth cup of coffee in the past hour, but his nerves were so jangled, the caffeine made no shitload worth of difference. 

Every part of Ianto seemed to hurt. From the numbness in the arches of his feet to the piercing pain in the hollow of his skull. Even his shoulders ached from carrying around the thick file he started in an effort to collect every bit of knowledge he could about Lisa’s illness. 

They had met with Lisa’s doctor the day after she had dropped the bombshell, which brought home the realisation to Ianto that this was actually happening. That it wasn’t some nightmare that he had yet to wake from. 

Her cancer was stage II, which wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t great either. She would have to undergo surgery in a few days before starting with the chemotherapy. Her doctor emphasised that this was a long-term battle with an uncertain outcome. 

But Ianto felt that he had already been through the ringer. He was so close to his breaking point that it took all his strength not to crack under the strain. 

First was Lisa’s cancer. And now, he was going to have to break his promise to Jack. 

He couldn’t leave her, not now. But the thought of saying goodbye to Jack nearly made him fall apart. 

That was why he had come earlier, so he could compose his thoughts. When he arrived, he was so grateful to find the café mostly empty. Aside from him, there was only one other couple in the shop, sitting outside so they could smoke. 

But nothing could have prepared him for how his chest ached when Jack swept through the door. 

“Ianto! You’re early,” Jack exclaimed, pulling the younger man to his feel for a hug, not noticing when Ianto only reciprocated the gesture half-heartedly. 

“I had nothing on earlier Jack, so I thought I would get here first,” Ianto replied quietly.

“Well, it’s really good to see you again,” Jack said fondly as they both sat down. After waving to the barista that he wanted what Ianto was having, he turned back to the younger man with an expectant look on his face. 

But the sparkle in his eyes dimmed when he saw how pinched Ianto’s features were. Not only that, his suit was slightly crumpled around the cuffs and his tie was a tad askew.

Small things, but it made Jack reach across the table to hold Ianto’s hands in his.

“It’s been a rough week for both of us, hasn’t it?” Jack said, the words more a statement than a question. But Ianto hardly heard the captain speak, his own inner turmoil making him deaf to anybody else’s voice. 

“Tell him Ianto, tell him now. Before you lose your nerve. Before you break down and do the wrong thing,” his mind told him.

Ianto closed his eyes and uttered his next words as quickly as he could before his heart could interject. 

“I can’t stay long Jack,” Ianto said briskly. “But I’ve just come to tell you that I’ve decided to stay with Lisa.”

Even as he spoke, he wished his heart was as steely as his voice.

Wishing that it didn’t splinter when Jack stared at him in complete and abject shock, like Ianto had completely blindsided him. 

Which in all fairness, he probably had. 

“Excuse me?” Jack asked, his question soft, but Ianto recognised the dangerous intonation. Jack only sounded this way when he was close to being pissed off. 

“But I thought… after the last time Ianto. I thought it was different… we were different,” Jack insisted. 

“It’s not different Jack and the last time… well, that was a mistake. A moment of weakness as it were, which clouded our judgment,” Ianto said calmly taking another sip of his now cold coffee in an effort to keep his hands in check. 

He had already decided that he wouldn’t tell Jack about Lisa’s cancer. It was his own cross to bear and he wanted to keep it that way.

“I mean, I’ve known her for half a decade Jack. We’ve barely known each other for a year. And you are asking me to end my marriage? A bit much isn’t it?” he added carelessly.

“A bit much? Ianto, what about…” Jack broke off as the waitress brought him his order. She quickly placed the cup on the table and left, the poisonous silence between the two men making her skin crawl. 

“So what was last week then? What about all your pretty words and promises? What about you saying you wanted me so badly, you almost fucked me in the lift,” Jack spat out each word so venomously that Ianto could practically taste the bitterness on his tongue. 

“After thinking it over, I guess it wasn’t what I wanted in the long-run,” Ianto shrugged. “Believe me, it really is for the best.”

Ianto wished he could communicate to Jack how deeply he meant those last words, how it cut him up inside to say them.

“It really is for the best Jack,” Ianto thought sadly. “Not now, not when Lisa needs me.”

Jack shot Ianto a sharp glance before looking away. 

“Do you even want to know what I decided?” Jack finally said, hating how his voice sounded weak to his ears.

“It’s a bit of a moot point now Jack, but if you want to, you can tell me,” Ianto said flatly. 

“Oh God, if he tells me he ended things with Gwen, I’m going to have to tell him. I can’t let him think it was for nothing,” Ianto thought desperately. 

Jack said nothing for a few minutes, but Ianto could see how tense his neck muscles were. When the captain finally turned back to face him, his face was flushed an angry red. 

“I was going to tell you that I was going to break off with Gwen. Was planning to tell her later tonight,” Jack lied. 

Ianto’s heart contracted, whether from relief or disappointment he wasn’t sure. 

“Well now you don’t have to Jack. It saves us both a lot of trouble,” Ianto said, as he abruptly got to his feet. 

He had to leave now. Ianto wasn’t sure how much more he could take of Jack looking at him like that and knowing that he was the cause of it.

“Have a good life with Gwen, may you two be very happy,” he said as he tossed a handful of notes on the table. 

But before he could even take a step away from his chair, Jack rose to his feet and swept the money off the table in an angry gesture. 

“You don’t get to walk away from this Ianto,” Jack growled, his hand clamped around Ianto’s arm in a grip of iron. 

It was the captain touching him that almost undid him. 

“Please let me leave Jack,” Ianto said, turning his back to the older man as he tried to sound harsh. But Ianto’s deep-rooted sadness must have attenuated his tone, making the captain wonder if something was up. 

“What’s wrong Ianto, tell me. This is not like you,” Jack said, his voice dropping a notch, concern etched into every syllable. When Ianto didn’t move, Jack reiterated his earlier sentence. 

“This is not you…”

An unexpected spurt of anger suddenly spiked Ianto’s blood and he shot Jack a scornful glance over his shoulder.

“Don’t be so presumptuous. You know shit about me,” Ianto bit each word as it came out. “Just because we screwed doesn’t mean you know anything about me.”

“But it does Ianto, because that is when the real you comes out. That is when I get to see the real you,” Jack said softly.

“That is when I get to see the warm, funny young man beneath the coldness and efficiency. It’s because of that I know your accent gets thicker when your tired, how I know you why you got that tattoo in the first place.”

Jack took a deep breath as he relaxed his hold on Ianto’s arm. 

“When I kiss you, when we had sex, that was when the real you comes to the surface. So tell me, what’s the matter… _please_.”

Ianto closed his eyes as he swallowed hard. Perceptive Jack always got to him, it unraveled him more than his physical touches ever could. 

“Tell him,” a voice inside him whispered. “Tell him why you can’t be with him. He will understand.” 

But he wouldn’t, he wouldn’t let Jack share his guilt. 

Because… he loved him. 

Ianto was sure of his feelings for Jack now, and unlike earlier in the week, there was no doubt. It was ironic that at one point it was loyalty that had tied him to the captain and love to Lisa. Now, the roles were reversed. 

And he couldn’t do a thing about it. 

Jack’s breath caught when Ianto turned to face him. He felt a blow to his solar plexus at the look in Ianto’s eyes, which were so full of sadness and seemed to be saying, “I’m sorry”.

But when Ianto’s eyes turned the colour of stone, Jack wondered if he had imagined it. 

“Maybe that was the façade Jack,” Ianto said shortly.

“It has been fun, at least we had that,” Ianto added nonchalantly as he pulled out of Jack’s grip. 

“Go to hell,” Jack said bitterly. Ianto raised an eyebrow. 

“That was uncalled for,” he said coldly. “Goodbye Jack.”

Ianto walked out without a backward glance, wanting to run but knowing that the captain wouldn’t chase after him. Unlike the last time when their separation was mutual, this parting had a feeling of finality to it. 

“Taxi!” Ianto hailed a nearby black cab, which pulled up next to the curb. 

“Huntwood Apartments please, Baker Street,” Ianto told the cab driver as he sank into the backseat. His head suddenly felt so heavy, and all he wanted to do was go home and sleep. 

“Are you okay mate?” the driver asked as he glanced at Ianto in his rearview mirror. 

“I’m fine,” Ianto replied. But it was only when he tasted salt on his lips that he realised he was crying. 

“God, don’t cry,” he berated himself. “Don’t cry in public Ianto, pull yourself together.”

But try as he might, he couldn’t stop. His normally reserved exterior in tatters, Ianto just cried softly to himself in the back of the cab throughout the whole journey home.


	10. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, been away T_T but please enjoy and thanks for reading!

***

_We gotta be extra careful,_   
_That we don’t build our hopes up too high,_   
_Because he’s got his own obligations, _   
_And so…and so do I. (1) _

*** 

**Four Months Later**

Ianto blinked. He then shook his head a little and blinked again.

Unless his eyes were deceiving him, there appeared to be giant walking bouquet of flowers making its way to the nurse’s station where he was standing.

“Ianto!” the approaching spring garden exclaimed. 

Ianto’s forehead crinkled in confusion at the familiar voice.

“Tosh? Is that you?” Ianto said, gently parting the sea of roses, baby’s breath, ferns and God knows what else, until he managed to uncover Tosh’s sparkling brown eyes.

“Christ, what did you do? Buy out the entire flower shop?” Ianto asked with a slight smile. 

Tosh blushed pink at his teasing, the soft pop of colour on her cheeks making her almost indistinguishable from the flowers. 

“Don’t be mean Ianto,” Tosh pouted. “I wanted to make up for the fact that this is the first time I’ve been free to visit Lisa since her treatment started. Besides, you told me the beige walls in this place drove her crazy.”

“I know Tosh, I was just pulling your leg,” Ianto relented, fondly kissing her on the forehead, positioning his body at an awkward angle so as not to break the delicate stems or, heaven forbid, get any pollen on his suit. 

Tosh smiled as she responded with a kiss of her own to his cheek, the woman in her appreciating the scent of Ianto’s mint cologne as well the ever-present smell of coffee. Distinct and familiar, even above the overpowering perfume of the flowers. 

But along with it came another unfamiliar smell that made her nose wrinkle a little in distaste. A waft of something that brought to mind bitter cordite and reminded Tosh of her usual pub. 

“How is she doing?” Tosh asked, her eyes clouding a little with concern. The feeling deepened when Ianto replied with a tired shrug. 

“Better than I thought she would, quite honestly. Considering this is her second major surgery in four months, she’s holding up quite well,” Ianto said. 

Tosh bit her lip, remembering how anguished Ianto had sounded when he told her that the first operation and subsequent chemotherapy had failed to remove all the cancer. 

Taking as many of the flowers as he could, Ianto motioned for her to follow him with a slight tilt of his head. 

Lisa’s room was at the end of the hall and Ianto heard his wife exclaim in surprise when he swung open the door with his knee. 

“Ianto? Tosh? Jesus, I thought I was being visited by a mutant flower bush,” Lisa joked when she eventually saw who it was. 

“Enough of that Lisa, I already got it from your husband,” Tosh scolded, but her eyes were filled with laughter as she dumped the flowers on a nearby armchair. Ianto followed suit, frowning a little when he saw the loose petals spill messily on the floor. 

“Sorry, but I couldn’t resist,” Lisa said, unsuccessfully trying to hide her smile. In that moment, Ianto was gladder than ever that Tosh had decided to visit. It was the first genuine smile he had seen from his wife in months.

But still the petals bothered him, and he stooped down to collect them.

“Shall I go out and buy a vase for these from the Sainsbury’s across? Or maybe two or three?” Ianto quipped, leaving when Lisa responded with a nod. 

“You are a sweetheart though Tosh, thanks,” Lisa said, pushing the button by her bedside so as to increase the incline of her bed. 

“Think nothing of it,” Tosh said, as she sat at the foot of the bed and patted the other woman’s hand, taking extra care not to brush against the IV. She stifled a sigh as gazed at her friend. 

If Ianto looked tired, Lisa just looked thin, trapped as it were in the middle of an intricate spider web of wires that monitored every heartbeat and change in her body. The silver scarf she wore on her head acting like a shining beacon that Lisa had no more hair.

Lisa must have noticed her staring because she reached up and pulled off the scarf without a hint of self-consciousness. 

“Like it? I’ve always wanted to wear this colour,” she said quietly. Tosh swallowed hard, but her face still bore a smile. 

“I’ve always wanted to wear that colour as well,” she said, but her expression quickly turned serious. “How are you feeling?”

“As well as I could be under the circumstances,” Lisa leaned back into her pillows, hating that even speaking seemed to require superhuman effort. “My doctor assures me that they’ve removed as much of the cancer as they can. But, it’s the chemo after this that is the killer.”

Tosh nodded in understanding. She had lost a few relatives to cancer as well and remembered how they used to shake at the thought of repeated trips through chemotherapy.

“Is your doctor any good?” Tosh asked. 

“The best, Dr. Harper is a great surgeon even if he is lacking a little in the bedside manner department. He drives Ianto crazy though with his abrupt ways and vice versa. I think he called Ianto a pedant once,” Lisa said with a dry chuckle. 

“It’s good to see that you’ve managed to keep your spirits up,” Tosh said. 

“I’m fine really. I try and keep positive and I find that helps. I do have a good chance of pulling through this, and it is that thought that keeps me going.”

Lisa stopped and anxiously picked at the edge of her blanket. 

“Actually I think I’m holding up better than my husband is,” she admitted softly. Tosh didn’t hold back her sigh now. Knowing Ianto the way she did, she had guessed as much given how tightly Ianto held his emotions to his chest.

“You know, he’s started smoking again. He hasn’t done that since university when he was stressed out about exams,” Lisa said. 

Tosh drew a sharp breath as she finally recognised the smell coming off Ianto from earlier. It had been cigarette smoke. 

“Oh no…”

“He thinks I don’t know but I can see the signs. In fact, he’s probably standing outside the parking lot having a smoke,” Lisa said matter-of-factly, her resigned tone unable to fully hide the sadness in her voice. 

True enough, Ianto was pacing on the pavement outside the hospital as he idly flicked the ash from his cigarette into the drain. He really did abhor the habit, but it seemed to be the only thing that settled his nerves. 

Ianto glanced up at the hospital as he exhaled a mouthful of smoke, his heart filling with resentment at how familiar the place had become to him. In the past few months, he had spent more time in the cancer ward than he had at home. 

Not that Lisa’s treatment had managed to disrupt his day-to-day routine much. Ianto was such an expert at juggling his time that he still managed to put in a decent number of hours at work, in addition to attending to his wife, while at the same time getting enough sleep. 

Even so, exhaustion formed such a constant part of his daily emotions that Ianto did not acknowledge it any more. It got just more noticeable when Lisa was having an especially bad reaction to chemo, or when she cried hysterically after he had helped to shave off the last remnants of her hair. 

But it wasn’t that, Ianto was strong enough as a person to deal with those details. 

While he accepted that it was going to be a long, drawn-out battle between his wife and her sickness, it was the never-ending cycle of hope and disappointment that was ultimately dragging him down. 

Ianto absently rubbed his shoulder as he stubbed out his cigarette in a nearby trash can. 

“Never mind, focus on the milestones Ianto. The surgery was a success and that is something to be hopeful for,” Ianto thought. He had coached himself to think that way after Dr. Harper told them that Lisa would need additional surgery. 

The words rang hollow and brought no respite, but frankly, it was the only thing allowing Ianto to keep his composure. It quieted the more selfish part of him that insisted he was too young to be going through such an ordeal.

“But I don’t think you’re ever prepared to go through something like this at any age,” Ianto thought reasonably as he made his way back into the hospital. 

As he was about to enter Lisa’s room, Ianto was reaching for the doorknob when he saw Lisa’s doctor coming from the opposite direction. The two men paused for a moment as they eyed with other with grudging respect. 

“Afternoon, Dr. Harper,” Ianto said politely.

“Mr. Jones,” Owen replied, brushing past him so he could open the door. He wasn’t sure exactly what it was about Ianto that bothered him. Maybe it was because after years of dealing with numerous distraught couples in exactly the same situation, he had yet to come across someone as composed as the other man was. 

“Feeling alright Lisa?” Owen asked as he flipped through the charts clipped to the metal railing of the bed.

“A little sore, but nothing I can’t deal with,” Lisa said, smiling a little as she saw Ianto in the background quietly gathering Tosh’s flowers in neat little bunches before slipping them into the vases he had bought. 

But strained lines appeared around the corners of her mouth when she saw Ianto glance out the window with a blank look on his face. 

“Good, you can be discharged in over a week or so. Then we will discuss when to schedule your chemotherapy,” Owen said, running a critical eye through the list medications that Lisa had been put on. 

In the meantime, Tosh didn’t know why she felt a little put out that doctor had yet to notice she was there. Usually doctors would actually recognise when their patients had guests, but this Dr. Harper just made her feel invisible. 

Lisa must have noticed given how quickly she jumped in with the introductions. 

“Dr. Harper, this is my friend Toshiko Sato,” Lisa said. 

“Nice to meet you,” Tosh said, noticing how young he was. Thin and wiry, he hardly looked old enough to be out of medical school, especially with his short, boyish crop of brown hair. 

“Likewise,” Owen responded dismissively as he shook Tosh’s hand. “I will come back and check on you in a few hours. But, you can always ring the nurses if you feel any discomfort that is out of the ordinary.”

Signing the bottom of the clipboard with a flourish, Owen hung the chart back on the bed. He offered Lisa a smile and Ianto a curt nod of his head before leaving the room.

“Charming, isn’t he?” Ianto said sarcastically, as he sat down beside his wife. Lisa just patted him on his shoulder as he kissed the back of her fingers.

A pleasant couple of hours passed as the three of them chatted and caught up with each other’s lives. But, Tosh couldn’t quite shake the feeling that something wasn’t right. 

For all intents and purposes, the couple before her was the same couple she had known since university. Deeply in love and conscientious of each other’s feelings. However, once in a while, she would notice the presence of a fissure between them.

Maybe it was the way Lisa occasionally looked at Ianto with an unguarded expression of worry on her face. Or the way Ianto seemed to check out, not participating in the conversation taking place around him. Regardless, Tosh couldn’t put her finger on it. 

But when Lisa’s eyelids started to droop, Tosh knew it was time for her to be going.

“Alright guys, I’d better be getting back. I still have some work to finish up,” Tosh said, getting to her feet and pushing her handbag further up on her shoulder. 

“You want me to walk you to your car?” Ianto asked, as he prepared to slowly detangle himself from his wife, who had already fallen asleep. Tosh shook her head. 

“Don’t worry about it, just stay here and take care of her,” Tosh kissed her friend on the cheek. “Tell me if there are any developments, okay?”

“Sure Tosh, thanks so much. For visiting, the flowers, for everything,” Ianto said gratefully. 

Tosh gave a small wave as she left the room, careful to not let the door slam behind her. Taking a deep breath, she walked slowly down the corridor only stopping when she saw Dr. Harper standing by the nurse’s station. 

“Dr. Harper, do you mind if I have a word with you?” Tosh said, wanting to ask a question that had been present in the back of her head. 

Owen raised his head at the sound of Tosh’s voice, not liking how serious her tone was. He had a hard enough time dealing with the emotions of his patients, let alone all their family and friends. 

“Yes Miss Sato, how can I help you?” Owen replied, hugging the file he had been reading closer to his breastbone.

“I just wanted to know, is Lisa on any experimental treatment? Because, I know of one government funded research project that is focused on her type of cancer,” Tosh said. 

Owen gave Tosh an accommodating smile, which just borderlined on smug.

“We are a private hospital and as such, we don’t have access to those specific sorts of grants. All our experimental treatment programmes are funded by us,” Owen said, a touch too condescendingly. 

Tosh’s eyes narrowed. 

“But this project is also being offered to private hospitals as well. There are a number of ways that the private healthcare sector can participate,” Tosh said. She knew this for a fact, after all, the IT infrastructure needed for the project had come through her.

Owen’s eyebrows almost disappeared into his hairline as Tosh proceeded to tell him how the specific aspects of the project were perfect for Lisa’s cancer. 

She spoke calmly, without any hints of showing off, but it still managed to irk Owen. 

“Are you done Miss Sato?” Owen said, with a tight smile. Tosh flushed a little at his tone and gave a short nod. 

“I will look into it, thank you for the information. Now if you will excuse me,” Owen said, sharply turning on his heel and walking away. 

But despite his irritation, Owen couldn’t help feeling a small prick of respect for the woman standing behind him. 

***

**Two Months Later**

“Thanks Tosh, for coming with me,” Lisa said tiredly, as she gripped the armrests of the chair she was sitting on. It seemed as if her muscles would not obey her no matter how much she tried to force them. 

“Think nothing of it,” Tosh said reassuringly as she put her arm around the other woman. Lisa leaned back and drew from her strength, thankful for her presence. 

Although Lisa was at the hospital just for a routine check-up, she hated going for any of her treatments alone. Usually, Ianto would come with her, but he had been called away at the last minute by an emergency at work. 

Lisa remembered the guilt-stricken look on his face when he told her it was something he couldn’t possibly pass on to someone else. Although she had been angry at the start, Lisa felt pacified when Ianto told her he had asked Tosh to take her instead. 

But this capricious anger towards her husband was something that was unfortunately becoming increasingly common these days.

“How much longer do you think we have to wait? I mean, if he’s going to be a while, we might as well ask the nurses to find you a place to lie down,” Tosh said. Lisa shook her head.

“It shouldn’t be long now, Dr. Harper told me that he might be late because he had to reschedule a surgery,” Lisa explained. 

Tosh nodded as she gave her friend a pat on the shoulder. 

“I know I’m no substitute for Ianto though, it’s such a shame that he couldn’t make it,” Tosh sighed as she tried not to drop the magazine that was on her lap. Lisa was holding a similar magazine, but she didn’t even bother to try and read it, instead choosing to roll it repeatedly into a tight cylinder. 

“He had to work,” Lisa said quietly. 

“I understand, but given how much he worries about you, it still must have been hard for him to leave you,” Tosh said gently. 

Lisa inhaled slowly as she looked at the other woman through the corner of her eye. There was something she had been dying to tell someone, but shame had always stopped her. But after months of battling her cancer, she had little fight left for anything else.

“I will be honest with you Tosh, I don’t think Ianto loves me anymore,” Lisa admitted softly. She could feel the start of tears stinging the backs of her eyes as she said the words. 

Tosh didn’t even try to mask her shock as her mouth fell open.

“What are you saying Lisa? You know you are the most important person in the world to him,” Tosh placed her hand over Lisa’s, hoping the gesture would lend weight to her statement. 

“I know that Tosh, but even so, I know he’s in love with someone else,” Lisa gave Tosh’s hand a brief, hard squeeze. 

“I saw them together. It must have been months ago though. I thought of surprising Ianto with dinner, so I went by his workplace. On the way, I passed by a coffee shop and that was when I saw Ianto sitting with another man.”

Fat tears were now rolling their way down Lisa’s face, creating spots on her blouse. 

“They weren’t doing anything obvious. But the way Ianto looked at him, it was just so intimate that I just knew,” Lisa said, her voice catching with each new wave of tears. 

Tosh opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. She just didn’t know how to respond to Lisa’s story. But she had been Ianto’s friend longer, and she knew that he would rather die than hurt her. 

“I thought nothing of it at first to be honest. However, when Ianto’s behaviour changed subtly over the next few months, I was sure. I thought about bringing it up, but as quickly as he changed, everything suddenly returned to normal. So I let it drop.”

“But Lisa, Ianto loves _you_! He wouldn’t stick by you otherwise if he didn’t. And I’m sure he wouldn’t cheat on you, not when you need him the most,” Tosh said, finally finding her voice. 

“I know he wouldn’t and I know he does love me Tosh. But even if he and this other person are no longer seeing each other, I can’t deceive myself any longer that his heart belongs to me,” Lisa said, pain tainting each word. 

“I’m sure that’s not true,” Tosh said softly. For a few minutes, she just let Lisa cry softly as she wiped away her tears with a tissue. 

When the sobbing stopped, Lisa paused and tried to regulate her breathing. 

“I thought about…telling him, that I knew,” Lisa whispered, as Tosh strained her ears to listen. 

“I thought about telling him that it was okay for him to continue seeing this person, after I’m gone. Let me finish Tosh,” Lisa held up her hand when Tosh looked like she was going to interrupt. 

“I have no delusions Toshiko, that my life will not be cut short by this disease. The only difference is either by years or months.”

Lisa’s whole body started to shake, which she tried to control by digging her nails into the palms of her hands. 

“But I can’t Tosh!” Lisa said, her voice suddenly increasing in volume. “I can’t bear the thought of him with anyone else. Even after I’m gone, I don’t want him to love anyone else.”

The tears reappeared in earnest now as Lisa buried her face in her hands.

“Sometimes when he stares out the window, I know it’s not me that’s on his mind. And I ask myself, who is he thinking of? Does he miss this person? Was he going to leave me for him?” Lisa’s voice finally broke as deep shudders wracked her body.

“Stop Lisa. Don’t think like that,” Tosh implored fiercely. 

“I guess… I’m not as noble as I thought,” Lisa said in hushed breaths in between her sobs. Tosh felt sharp pulls to her heartstrings at the agony the other woman must have been going through. 

“You’re just human Lisa,” Tosh said. She wrapped her arms around Lisa and leaned in closer so she could stroke the nape of her neck.

“You’re human,” she echoed, her tone softer now. 

“Lisa Jones? Dr. Harper is ready to see you now.”

Lisa sat up so quickly that she almost dislodged Tosh from her chair. 

“That’s us, we’d better go in,” Lisa said, brushing away the tracks of her tears as she tried to compose herself. Tosh nodded as she helped Lisa to stand up. 

“One more thing Tosh.” Tosh stopped what she was doing as Lisa looked her straight in the eye. “Promise me you won’t tell him, that this conversation remains between us.”

Tosh swallowed, she hated keeping secrets from the man she considered a brother, but she knew she had no choice. 

“I promise,” she said. 

Owen, who was still in surgical scrubs, looked up as both women entered his office. He was surprised to not see Ianto with Lisa, rather the woman he had warily labeled in his mind as the “know-it all Asian chick”.

“Greetings doctor,” Lisa said. 

“Hello Lisa, Miss Sato. Sorry to have kept you both waiting,” Owen apologised briskly. “How are you keeping, Lisa?”

“As well as could be expected Dr. Harper, but fatigue sets in quicker and quicker these days,” Lisa said. But Owen had already deduced as much from her voice, which came out soft and dry. 

He frowned when he saw her red-rimmed eyes, but wisely decided not to question it. In some ways, Lisa was as tight-lipped about her feelings as her husband was. 

“I will ask Sara to take you for some blood tests and the usual scans. Then we will assess how well the treatment has been progressing,” he said, pressing the buzzer on his desk for his nurse. 

“Can I follow her?” Tosh asked. Owen shook his head and Tosh opened her mouth to insist only to be stopped by a gesture from Lisa. 

“It’s okay Tosh, Ianto couldn’t follow me either. The most important thing is that you are here when I get back,” Lisa said with a small smile. 

After Sara had taken Lisa out of Owen’s office in a wheelchair, the doctor just sat there fiddling with the items on his desk as an uncomfortable silence stretched between him and Tosh. 

At least, uncomfortable for him. Tosh seemed distracted however, given how she was shifting about in her chair. 

But Owen knew why he was feeling uneasy. It had to do with the last conversation he held with Tosh, and the fact that what she had told him had actually helped him. 

He waited for a few minutes for Tosh to say something, but finally he couldn’t take it anymore, wanting to get it off his chest as fast as possible. 

“By the way, I want to thank you for telling me about that government project. Lisa doesn’t qualify but it did help one of our other patients,” he said stiffly. 

Owen didn’t mention that the patient was a young girl he had just wheeled out of surgery. Thanks to the experimental treatment, she would live to see her next birthday, but Tosh didn’t need to know that.

Tosh blinked as if she had just noticed Owen sitting there. 

“I’m sorry Dr. Harper, did you say something?” 

“It was nothing, I was just thanking you,” Owen said huffily, annoyed that she clearly hadn’t heard a word he had said. He hated apologising, but it aggravated him even more when it hadn’t been acknowledged.

“You’re welcome and sorry, I was just distracted,” Tosh said, fidgeting with clasp of her handbag. 

“You share that in common with Lisa. Actually I wanted to ask you something,” Owen asked as he leaned forward. 

When Tosh looked up with a questioning look on his face, Owen continued, “I’m a bit worried about Lisa’s state of mind these days.”

Tosh stiffened. 

“What do you mean Dr. Harper?” she asked. 

“Chemo is hard on everyone, regardless. But it seems more than that with Lisa. On some days she acts as if she doesn’t want to pull through.”

“That’s absurd doctor, why wouldn’t she want to get better. She has her whole life in front of her and a husband that loves her,” Tosh said, but she didn’t dare look up to meet his gaze. 

“That’s true, she is clearly the world to him. No matter, I usually don’t take any stock in this emotional mumbo jumbo, but it does help to keep a patient happy,” Owen said.

Just a few hours ago, Tosh would have agreed wholeheartedly with the doctor that there was no one more important to Ianto than his wife. But as her doubts from the day she first visited came back to haunt her, Tosh started to wonder if that really was the case. 

***

**One Month Later**

Another year had come to an end, but Ianto hardly took notice of the passing days any more. For him, the ebb and flow of his life was now dictated by work deadlines and Lisa’s treatment. 

On New Year’s Eve, she had suddenly taken a turn for the worse and had to be admitted. It was now three days later and while she was stable, Ianto could see how much she hated to be back here. 

One step forward, only to be pushed two steps back. 

It was early evening, and while the rest of London enjoyed a snowy start to the year, Ianto was desperately trying to feed his wife.

“Come on Lisa, you have to eat something,” Ianto said as he scooped up some soup with a spoon. 

Although the broth was nearly flavourless and the IV gave Lisa all the nutrition she needed, Ianto thought that having some food would help to put the colour back into her cheeks.

“I don’t want it Ianto, stop trying to make me eat it,” Lisa said churlishly. 

“You said you were hungry. And I know it’s not the tastiest thing in the world, but it’s the only thing that the doctor said you can have,” Ianto tried again to push the spoon in her direction, only to have Lisa knock it away. 

Ianto jumped back as the liquid splashed on his suit. He sighed, he had just come back from a tiring day at work and this was the last thing he needed. But he knew as difficult as life had become for him, it was a hundred times worse for his wife.

“Come on honey, please be reasonable,” Ianto pleaded as he wiped up the spilled soup. 

“Reasonable Ianto? I would like to see how reasonable you can be when you’re dying,” Lisa all but yelled. 

“I know Lisa, calm down. Forget about eating, just get some rest okay?” Ianto asked, reaching to touch her cheek only to have her push him away. 

“Will you stop that! Stop fussing over me and just leave me alone!” Lisa said digging the heels of her hands into her eyes. 

“Lisa! Stop that, you’ll hurt yourself,” Ianto tried to pull her hands away. But when he did, the look of hate in her eyes knocked the wind out of him.

“What do you care? You can’t possibly understand what I’m going through Ianto,” Lisa said, her voice raw as she wrenched her hands out of his grip.

“Of course I don’t Lisa, but don’t fight me like this! We are in this together, remember?” Ianto said, trying to keep his own voice calm. 

“No we are not Ianto, I’m going through this! Me! Not you!” Lisa was screaming now, her hands fisting the sheets. 

“Don’t lie to me Ianto and tell me you want to be here when I know it’s not true! Don’t act all holy and smug, when you don’t have a clue what pain I’m going through!”

It was her last sentence that got to him. It managed to purge any love he had for her and it replaced it with resentment. 

“How dare she? How dare she?!” Ianto raged inwardly. At that moment, he was just sick and tired of dealing with everything. 

He had given up so much of himself, so much of his life, because he loved her enough to see her through this. And all he got in return was heartbreak and accusations. Every single one of his negative emotions, which he had kept bottled for months, rushed upwards to burn his throat like acid. 

“What makes you think that just because you’re sick, you can act this way Lisa?!” Ianto yelled loud enough to rattle the window blinds.

“What makes you think you are the only one that’s suffering? I have to watch you go through this day after day. I’m the one that has to be strong so you don’t have to!” Ianto said, roughly brushing away the tears that had unexpectedly sprung from his eyes. 

“But at the end of the day, I’m the one that is going to die!” Lisa replied, so unbelievably angry that she knew she would have flung the soup bowl at his head if it had been an inch closer. 

“Enough the both of you!”

Both husband and wife froze as Owen barged into the room. 

“Out Ianto, now!” Owen ordered, jerking his thumb in the direction of the door as he rushed towards Lisa’s side. Ianto didn’t even hesitate a second before obeying, practically kicking open the door in order to leave. 

For the first time since he met her, Ianto hated her. The feeling blurred his vision with white sparks, so much so that he didn’t realise he had made his way to the bathroom.

Turning on the tap with a sharp twist, Ianto splashed cold water on his face in hopes that it would cool him down but it didn’t help to quell his anger. He stared down at his hands and realised that he was shaking. 

“Fuck!” Ianto suddenly let loose a roar of pure frustration as he slammed his open palms against the tiled wall, not even noticing when shockwaves of pain reverberated through his spine. 

“If you break it, you have to pay for it.”

Ianto twisted around to see Owen casually leaning against the doorjamb. His had a stony expression on his face, but Ianto really couldn’t give a shit. 

“I don’t need this now Dr. Harper,” Ianto growled. 

“No. What you need is a stiff drink, which I sadly can’t offer you.”

Owen walked up to the other man and forcefully turned him around by his shoulders. 

“Go home Ianto,” he commanded tersely. “I’ve sedated Lisa for the night, her vitals were all over the place and it was the only thing I could do to bring them down.”

Owen let Ianto go and took a step back. 

“Go home, and get that stiff drink. When the morning comes, you both do whatever the fuck you have to in order to settle this. I won’t tolerate the both you disturbing the whole floor, got it?” Owen said curtly. 

Ianto nodded. 

But he didn’t go home. 

After leaving the hospital, Ianto just kept walking. He had no idea where he was going; just that he needed to keep moving. 

Later, when Ianto thought back to that night, the exact details of where he went escaped him. He remembered pushing up the collar of his mac in order to stave off the cold and lighting cigarette after cigarette.

But after that, his mind was just blank. His feet, however, seemed to have a mind of their own as they took him past highways and shopping malls. The gradually melting snow, which was now multicoloured thanks to copious amounts of confetti, crunched underfoot as Ianto followed the current of the crowd.

He only stopped when he realised he could go no further. Looking up, he inhaled sharply when he recognised the apartment block in front of him. 

“Why am I here?” Ianto asked himself. However, no answer seemed forthcoming. It was the last place he should have ended up, but if was honest with himself, it was the only place he wanted to be. 

It seemed his feet knew his heart better than he did.

After debating with himself for several minutes, Ianto finally moved closer to the door and pressed the buzzer. 

“Hello?”

“Jack… it’s me.”


	11. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all <3 Almost at the end now

*** 

_I can’t laugh like I used to,_   
_I am not the same person who loved him,_   
_I only held that crumbling person once that February night, _   
_I can’t forget the “you” I loved. (7)_

*** 

“I’m sorry, there is no bastard here by the name of Jack,” a male voice said roughly before abruptly severing the connection with a sharp click.

Ianto blinked in confusion, he definitely hadn’t been expecting that. He wondered if he had been so deep in thought that he had actually buzzed the wrong apartment. Squinting his eyes a little in the poor light, Ianto made sure of the apartment number before pressing the button again. 

“Hello?” asked the same voice, which Ianto now realised carried the lilt of a Welsh accent.

“I’m so sorry to bother you, but I’m looking for Captain Jack Harkness. Isn’t this his apartment?” Ianto said as he leaned closer to the intercom 

“Like I said before, there is no bastard here by the name of Jack,” said the voice crossly. 

Ianto felt his heart sink until he heard an all to familiar female voice in the background.

“What are you doing Rhys?” Despite the crackle of static, Ianto knew it was Gwen.

“Miss Cooper?” Ianto said, keeping his finger on the button in case this Rhys decided to hang up on him again.

“Yes? Who is this?” Gwen asked warily. 

“You don’t know me, but I’m a friend of your fiancé Jack Harkness.”

Even though the connection was poor, Ianto could almost feel the iciness in her tone even before she spoke. 

“Ex-fiancé and I’m sorry, he doesn’t live here anymore,” Gwen said shortly. “We ended our engagement a few months ago. I’m surprised he didn’t tell you.”

Ianto swallowed as shards of guilt pricked his skin. 

“I’ve been out of the country. I’m so sorry to hear that,” Ianto said sincerely. 

“Well, if that’s all,” Gwen said, the sudden brisk tone in her voice telling Ianto that she considered the matter closed. But while Ianto couldn’t blame her for wanting to hang up quickly, he still needed to know where Jack was. 

“Wait! Do you know where he’s living now?” Ianto asked, not willing to leave with no answers. 

“I don’t know and I don’t really give a fuck honestly, pardon my language,” Gwen said curtly. Ianto felt like slamming his head against the wall in frustration. 

“I know this must be painful for you Miss Cooper, but please, I really need to see him. It’s an urgent matter,” Ianto said, not faking the tinge of desperation in his voice. 

There was a short silence before Ianto heard her sigh.

“Well I’ve been sending all his mail to the Burswood Apartments near Heathrow,” she finally said grudgingly. 

Ianto closed his eyes in relief. 

“I know where that is. Thank you Miss Cooper… and I’m sorry.” 

Ianto truly was deeply remorseful to have been the cause of such hurt in her voice. In fact, he had wounded her in ways she wasn’t even aware of. 

He hadn’t even felt this bad when he had been screwing around with Jack, and it struck him once again how many people the captain and him had trampled on as a result of their tryst.

“Don’t be love, it was for the best,” Gwen said, acceptance softening her tone a little. “Hope you find him.”

Ianto nodded although she probably couldn’t see it. He hoped so too.

***

It didn’t take Ianto that long to find an Uber and make his way to Jack’s apartment. But he was destined to be disappointed yet again as long presses to the buzzer yielded no results. 

Ianto guessed it was a bit much to expect Jack to be home, conveniently waiting for him. Given everything that had transpired that day, he didn’t expect the universe to make things easy for him.

However, he wondered if he ever was going to catch a break. 

“I’ll wait,” Ianto thought decidedly as he sat down on the bench that was situated next to the door. He lit a cigarette and leaned his head back as the rush of nicotine calmed him.

An hour passed and still nothing. Ianto just sat there in the dark as not even a soul passed by him. His cheeks burned from the cold, but it barely distracted him from the numbness in his fingertips despite wearing gloves.

Yet he still he waited. It was only after another hour had passed that Ianto heard the familiar tread of heavy work boots accompanied by the plastic scrape of a pulley bag.

“Ianto?” 

Ianto didn’t even need to look up to know that the footsteps belonged to Jack. But he did look up, and as his gaze settled on Jack’s familiar form, all his buried feelings for the captain rushed back to saturate his blood. 

And he knew, no matter what the outcome of the night was, he was glad he had come here. It wasn’t some payback for what had happened between him and Lisa. It was a chance for Ianto to take care of his emotions in a way he hadn’t been doing for months. 

“What are you…” Jack trailed off as words suddenly failed him. 

And he wasn’t the only one who was tongue-tied. Despite having been the one to surprise Jack, Ianto suddenly found it hard to organise all his jumbled thoughts into a comprehensible sentence. 

“You… ended things with Gwen,” was all Ianto could finally say. 

Ianto’s tone was soft, not mocking, but it still triggered a wave of resentment in the captain. It overshadowed Jack’s earlier disorientation to having seen Ianto waiting for him after so much time had passed. 

“You shouldn’t be here,” Jack said brusquely as he fumbled for his keys. 

“Why are you here Ianto?” Jack thought to himself. “Why are you here when I’ve just spent the last few months trying to forget you?”

Jack wondered if it was some kind of cosmic joke to have been put in this scenario twice. If it was, he certainly wasn’t laughing. 

“I know I have no right to be here Jack, but I need to talk to you,” Ianto said as he reached for the captain’s hand, only to have his advances batted away. 

“Even if you’re here to tell me you’re dying, I don’t _care_ Ianto! I’ve moved on, why can’t you?” Jack’s eyes darkened to a sapphire blue as they flashed at him. He turned his back to the younger man as he slid his key into the lock and gave it a sharp twist. 

He was about to walk in when Ianto’s firm hand on his shoulder stopped him.

“It’s not that simple Jack, _please_! I just want to talk…to explain why I acted the way I did. The last time, I gave a chance to speak and now all I’m asking for is the same courtesy.” 

Ianto was pleading now, not wanting to have come all this way for naught. Something in his voice must have gotten to Jack as Ianto felt the captain’s shoulders relax a little under his grip.

“I have a date at 11, you have an hour to say what you want to say. After that, get the hell out of my life Ianto,” Jack said coldly. 

Ianto nodded and reached for Jack’s bag, which the captain automatically let him take without thinking. Both men rode the elevator in complete silence as they both looked to the side, not wanting to meet each other’s eyes.

The minute they got into Jack’s apartment, the captain shucked off his coat and threw it over the couch. 

“I’m going to shower,” he said abruptly, not caring what Ianto did in the meantime. He could jump off the balcony for all he really gave a shit for. 

Jack was still steaming as he entered the shower, his temper hotter than the water that was cascading down his back. He wondered if he was batshit crazy to have let Ianto back into his apartment after how coolly the younger man ended their relationship last time. 

He was still pondering his state of mind as he changed into a light green shirt and dark blue waistcoat. Buttoning up his khaki trousers, he walked back into his living room and froze when he saw the back of Ianto’s silver gray waistcoat facing him.

The minute he heard the captain enter, Ianto stepped to the side and Jack’s heart thawed against his will as he saw a steaming cup of coffee resting on a coaster on his dining room table. Ianto had even taken it upon himself to hang his greatcoat up in the hallway cupboard.

“Thank you,” Jack said gruffly as he took a sip of what was clearly a peace offering. 

Jack closed his eyes as he let the milky liquid slide down his throat. Although he would rather die than admit he had missed Ianto over the past seven months, he saw no shame in showing how much he missed his coffee. 

“So… what did you want to tell me?” Jack said as he sat down on his favourite armchair and swung his legs up on the ottoman. 

Ianto sat down on the couch opposite and took a deep breath.

“Jack, the last time we met, you were right in saying that something was the matter. Hurting you the way I did…. believe me when I say it was the last thing I wanted to do,” Ianto said.

A sudden spurt of courage shored up his nerves enough so that Ianto dared to level his gaze with Jack before continuing.

“But, you see… the week before was when Lisa told me she had cancer,” Ianto said quietly.

Jack’s eyes widened as Ianto outlined to him exactly what had happened that day and what had been going on over the past few months. Jack leaned in closer as Ianto told him about her operation, her trip through chemo, everything up until their fight a few hours previously.

“Why didn’t you just tell me Ianto?” Jack asked when the younger man finished his story, his voice edged with disappointment. “Did you think I wouldn’t have understood? Do you see me as that selfish of an asshole?”

“I know Jack…. I don’t know, maybe it was some stupid sense of nobility that drove me to act that way. It’s no excuse, but it’s the only thing I can think of,” Ianto clasped his hands together. 

“When did you end things with Gwen, if you don’t mind me asking?”

Jack gave a sardonic smile as he sat back. 

“A week before we were supposed to have met,” he admitted. Ianto nodded, he had figured out as much from her reaction earlier. 

“Why didn’t you tell me you broke off your engagement?” It was Ianto’s turn to ask now. And Jack gave a half shrug as he got to his feet. 

“I wanted to salvage some of my pride. After all, you had just dumped me. Did you think I wanted you to have the satisfaction of knowing that I had fucked up my life for you?” Jack said as he deposited his now empty cup on the kitchen table counter. 

“I know and I’m sorry Jack,” Ianto said thickly. “I’m sorry to have screwed up your life and Lisa’s. After all, it’s my fault she’s sick. If I had been around… if I hadn’t been so infatuated with you… maybe I would have caught it.”

His voice cracked as Ianto placed his face in his hands. Jack didn’t even think twice before going to his side and giving his shoulders a rough shake.

“I’m sure that’s not true Ianto…”

“How do you know that?” Ianto suddenly snapped at him. “How could you possibly know I wasn’t at least partly responsible for it?”

Jack didn’t know how to respond to that, so he just let Ianto go and sat back on his heels. 

“Well now that you’ve told me, there is still one thing I don’t understand,” Jack said as he placed his hands on either side of Ianto on the couch.

“What do you want from me?”

Ianto took a deep shuddering breath as he lifted his chin. Their faces were so close that Jack could see the grey facets in his eyes. 

“I’m… I’m not really sure Jack. I guess, I just wanted you to know. I didn’t want you to think I left you because you were a bad person or that you weren’t worth it.”

When Jack didn’t move away, Ianto became brave enough to rest his palms on the American’s shoulders.

“And tonight, I wanted to come to you as _me_. Without any of my baggage, without any of my responsibilities…. just me.”

Ianto slipped his fingers under Jack’s collar as he inched closer.

“Here I can tell you… I love you. That I pretty much have for the past year,” he added softly. 

“But when I leave, everything I’ve said… everything I’ve done, will just remain a memory. When I walk out that door, I’m still a man whose wife is dying.”

Ianto hastily pulled away, embarrassed to have laid his soul so bare. 

“It’s unfair I know, and I am such a bastard for putting you through this. But when I left the hospital earlier, I was just so angry. I was so pissed off at the world and everything. So I tried to calm myself by thinking of the last time I was really happy.”

Ianto took a deep breath and turned his eyes back to the captain. 

“The face that came to my mind… was yours,” he said. 

“Oh Ianto,” Jack said, placing the tip of his thumb on the younger man’s chin. The gesture was so casual and yet intimate at the same time. Ianto shivered a little when he realised that this was the first time Jack had really touched him since they had met at the door. 

“Actually, I should thank you,” Jack said nonchalantly as he removed his hand. Ianto looked up quizzically to find that extremely familiar smirk on Jack’s lips. 

“After you left me, I was angry I admit. But it made me realise that I wasn’t cut out for relationships, let alone marriage. I like my life the way it is now, and there is no assurance that we would have worked out anyway.”

Ianto felt a stab of hurt at how cynical Jack sounded, but he couldn’t fault him for being honest. 

“But…” Jack added as he sat down next Ianto. “I have nothing against being happy either, and for a time… I was happy with you.”

Jack leaned in closer as he rubbed a knuckle along the underside of Ianto’s jaw and felt the skin hum at his pulse point. 

“May I kiss you?” he asked breathlessly. Ianto had to smile at how uncharacteristically shy the American sounded. 

“Always Jack,” he replied softly. “You almost never need to ask.”

Jack’s large hands threaded in his hair as the captain pulled him closer so that their lips met. It was just the briefest brush of breath as the mouths opened slightly, but it still managed to make sparks dance beneath the surface of Ianto’s skin.

But Ianto couldn’t help feeling that this kiss was so unlike the others that had come before. It was extremely familiar and yet new at the same time. It was passionate, but lust was surprisingly absent. 

Wrapping his arms around Jack’s neck, Ianto leaned backwards until they were both horizontal on the couch. Jack’s familiar weight on top of him felt solid and comforting, and although their hands never made it past their chests, it was still incredibly intimate. 

The kiss soon graduated from being closed mouthed to deep as the tip of Ianto’s tongue persistently swept across Jack’s bottom lip, which the captain responded with a sharp bite, almost piercing the thin skin.

Jack could feel Ianto’s tongue grazing the roof of his mouth in sure, even brushes that had him half-hard. The captain gingerly rearranged himself so that he was now kneeling in between Ianto’s parted legs. 

The younger man groaned into Jack’s open mouth as he felt the soft ridge of the captain’s cock press into his groin. Jack nibbled on his bottom lip as he slowly dry humped him. 

But neither felt the need to take things any further at the moment. They just kept kissing languorously, breaking apart for no longer than a few seconds before continuing. 

It was only after Ianto felt a vibration against his hip that he pulled away. Jack cussed and braced himself on one arm as the other reached into his pocket.

“Didn’t you have a date?” Ianto asked smokily, as Jack frowned at his phone and typed out a quick reply.

“What date?” Jack said as he carelessly tossed his cell aside. 

“That’s not very nice Jack,” Ianto admonished even as he locked his fingers behind the nape of the American’s neck.

“She will get over it, you’re more important.” 

And Jack meant it. At that moment, there was no one else in the world that could compare to the young man beneath him. Who drove him crazy with just a simple shift of his hips. 

Suddenly their slow pace was not sufficient any more. Just the feel of Jack’s lips wasn’t enough for Ianto any more. 

“Jack, I need to feel you,” Ianto breathed as he reached for the buttons of the captain’s vest. As he unhurriedly undid them one by one, Jack loosened the neck of Ianto’s shirt before pushing a finger into the knot of his tie.

It was strange to Jack, how they were acting. It was already late in the night, but their calculated movements suggested that they had all the time in the world. But even with the slow burn, Jack was already fully hard by the time both their shirts were on the floor, which allowed their bare chests to rub together. 

Ianto gasped when the tip of Jack’s clothed cock caught him below the crotch. He slid his hand lower to drag a fingernail over Jack’s dark brown nipples as he nuzzled the hollow of his throat and took a deep breath. 

Jack smelled like ozone and impending rain, perfect for a man that Ianto often considered a force of nature. Hurricane Jack, who swept in and overturned his life.

Ianto grasped Jack’s shoulder as the captain moved lower down so that he graze the younger man’s nipples with his teeth. He ran tight circles around one hardened nub as he twisted its twin between his fingertips.

He gradually shifted lower, punctuating his path with little nips to the skin as he undid the zipper of Ianto’s trousers. Ianto helped by unbuckling his belt and lifting his pelvis so Jack could slowly pull off his trousers, leaving him in just his black briefs. 

“I missed this Ianto,” Jack murmured against the younger man’s milky skin, pulling at the elastic until Ianto’s underwear was halfway down his thighs. 

“I want to feel your mouth on me Jack, please,” Ianto said, edging his legs as far apart as he could despite the restriction. Jack helped by placing his hands on Ianto’s inner thighs and felt his muscles quiver from the effort at keeping his legs open. 

He arched his back a little when Jack just flicked at the swollen tip of his cock, catching beads of sticky fluid with his tongue. 

But Jack didn’t immediately swallow him, instead choosing to run his tongue down the sides of his shaft before lightly sucking on one of his balls. Ianto gripped the couch and moaned when Jack nuzzled the whole underside of his cock with his nose.

“Oh God Ianto, you have no idea how sexy you sound when I go down on you,” Jack said huskily as he wrapped his hand around Ianto’s cock and started to pump him.

“Please Jack, put my cock in your mouth,” Ianto groaned as he tugged at the American’s hair.

“You sound even sexier when you beg,” Jack chuckled, finally taking pity on him as he placed the head of Ianto’s dick between his lips. He suckled at the sensitive glans before sucking him down inch by inch until his nose was buried in the younger man’s wiry pubic hair. 

Jack had to keep a firm hand on Ianto’s hips as he bucked to stop from being thrown off the couch. He slowly dragged his mouth up and down Ianto’s cock while twisting his tongue around the sensitive slit. 

The salty taste of Ianto’s precum at the back of his throat aroused Jack to the point that he slipped a hand under the waistband of his trousers to grab his own dick. He groaned as he gave it a few sharp tugs, the vibrations making Ianto’s spine bend. 

“Jack, I won’t be able to…” Ianto’s voice trailed off into a moan as Jack gave a particularly hard suck. 

Jack placed his hand firmly against Ianto’s stomach as he quickened his movements. Just as Ianto was about to come, Jack hastily pushed a finger into Ianto’s asshole and pressed hard against his prostate.

Ianto climaxed with a choked cry as his semen flooded the back of Jack’s throat. But the captain didn’t miss a beat before swallowing all of it down and licking his cock clean.

The younger man was still breathing heavily as Jack moved back up to press a sensual kiss on his open mouth, the musky taste of Ianto’s semen still heavy on his tongue.

“Why don’t we move to the floor?” Jack whispered urgently, as he slowed the rubbing of his fingers on his own rigid cock.

Dragging the cushions onto the floor, Ianto turned on his stomach as Jack went to fetch the condoms and lube, hissing a little as his sensitive shaft rubbed against the stiff fabric. 

When Jack reentered the room, Ianto looked over his shoulder and shuddered when he saw the captain walk back in minus his trousers and underwear. The hard sweep of his cock and closeness of his balls to his shaft telling Ianto how close to the edge he was. 

Pushing himself on his elbows so that he could meet Jack’ eye, Ianto’s blue eyes turned sultry as he inadvertently bit his lip and spread his legs apart as far as he could. 

Jack groaned in the back of his throat at the invitation. He immediately dropped to his knees and parted Ianto’s buttocks. 

Jack then kissed and bit that sensitive curve where his ass connected with the back of his thighs, shifting closer to the center until Ianto felt his stiff tongue probe his entrance in broad, wet strokes.

Ianto pushed back his hips so Jack’s tongue could reach deeper, rimming and opening him until he could feel wetness at his perineum. His chest tingled in anticipation as he heard the soft snap of the lube being opened and Jack squeezing it over his hand. 

The younger man couldn’t help tensing a little as Jack penetrated him with one finger. He was tight after months of not doing this, which Jack realised from how hard Ianto’s body was clamping around his digit. 

But Jack could be amazingly patient when he wanted to be, and moved that one finger in and out a couple more times before adding another. When Jack’s fingernail brushed against his sensitive spot, Ianto felt his cock harden again.

“Again Jack,” Ianto demanded, biting a knuckle when Jack added a third finger in order to prep him further. Jack stretched Ianto’s back entrance until he saw Ianto’s erection dig into the carpet. 

“Come on Jack, please,” Ianto finally begged as his hips pushed back. 

“Oh yes, but I want you on your back Ianto,” Jack commanded as he reached for a condom packet. 

Given how slippery his fingers were with lube, it took Jack longer than usual to tear the foil open and roll it over his straining cock. His breath caught when Ianto suddenly slipped two of his own fingers inside him, fucking himself as he watched Jack get ready.

Jack growled as he placed himself at the juncture of Ianto’s thighs and lifted his legs so that they were resting on his broad shoulders. He slowly pressed forward, his cock pushing past the initial resistance until Ianto’s body opened and he was sheathed as deep as he could be. 

He was so close to orgasm that he couldn’t wait for Ianto’s body to adjust before moving. He thrust hard as he scratched the younger man’s inner thighs and sucked at the delicate turn of his ankle.

Ianto didn’t seem to mind being fucked so roughly though as he pulled Jack down for a rough kiss, bruising his bottom lip when the sensation became too overwhelming. 

“You know Ianto, I wanted the first time I ever took you to be in this position,” Jack said in between pants as his hips snapped forward. 

“Jack?” Ianto gasped as his cock slapped against his belly from Jack’s fucking. 

“I wanted to watch your face as I slid into you the first time. To see your eyes go cloudy as I screwed you senseless. To see your body stretch around my dick.”

“Oh yes, Jack,” Ianto said as he jerked his fist around his own cock as previous images of them fucking ran riot through his head. 

“Of course, the bookcase was fun too.” Jack still managed to chortle at the disapproving look Ianto shot him despite being so close to snapping. 

But snap he did when Ianto’s body tensed hard around his cock as his cum splattered over his stomach. With one last thrust, Jack’s body bowed as he came deep inside the younger man, filling the condom with his semen.

Ianto bit his bottom lip when Jack withdrew, his nerves rubbed raw after having come twice in such a short period of time. But any pain was forgotten the moment Jack placed a gentle kiss on his forehead. 

“Shall we move to the bed?” Jack suggested quietly. Ianto shook his head.

“Let’s stay here,” he said sleepily, his eyes finally closing when Jack rested his head on his chest. 

***

The first thing Jack saw when he awoke was Ianto standing on the balcony with his trousers hanging loose and unbuttoned. He had put his white dress shirt back on and the unbuttoned edges flapped in the wind as curlicues of white smoke danced above his head. 

As Jack pulled on his trousers, he noticed how Ianto’s waistband came to just below his pubic bone, revealing the top curve of his ass. When Ianto moved to his side, Jack could just seek the briefest hint of pubic hair as well as the stark lines of his dragon tattoo. 

It had to have been one of the most erotic sights Jack had ever seen. 

“Aren’t you cold?” Jack asked as he joined Ianto on the balcony. He started a bit though when he saw a burning white stick between his fingers. 

“Since when do you smoke?” Jack said as he raised one questioning eyebrow. Ianto shrugged as he brought the cigarette to his lips and took a deep drag. 

“A bad habit I know. I gave it up in university but I’ve picked it up again recently. Stress I guess,” Ianto said, leaning back a little as Jack wrapped his arms around his waist. 

“You should give up again,” Jack chided gently as he kissed the back of Ianto’s neck. But Ianto didn’t answer, choosing instead to point to the scene in front of him.

“I’ve always loved this view,” Ianto said softly. Given their close proximity to Heathrow, Jack’s apartment had a fantastic view of the airfield, the soft amber lights a counterpoint to the blinking dots on the runway as planes landed and took-off. 

“I guess I’m used to it, but you’ve always said you wanted to travel. I’ve always wanted to take you somewhere, but it was never meant to be,” Jack sighed as he rested his chin on Ianto’s shoulder.

“Where did you want to take me Jack? I mean… when you thought our relationship had a future,” Ianto asked as he turned to the side so he could drop a kiss on Jack’s cheek.

“Well, I’ve always wanted to take you to Italy. You like order so much, I thought it would be fun to see how you would react to Rome, where everything is so haphazard,” Jack grinned as Ianto rolled his eyes. 

“Japan maybe, so you could experience a truly futuristic city. Or Dubai, where everything is ridiculously opulent. Then somewhere sunny, like Bali or Malaysia. There is this fantastic club in Kuala Lumpur, which is on top of a very tall building and has a great view of the city.”

Jack smirked as he let Ianto go so he could lean against the railing alongside him and gaze up into the night sky. 

“It has these wonderful tables that are like beds, because the club doubles as a pool during the day.”

“Where you would probably try and jump me and we would get arrested in a foreign country for trying to have sex in public,” Ianto said wryly as he stubbed out his cigarette.

“But most of all…” Ianto looked up startled at how serious Jack’s voice had suddenly become. His heart tripped when he saw Jack look at him with a kind of intensity he had never seen before.

“Most of all, I would want to take you back to Cardiff, which I know you miss,” Jack said as he turned around so he was facing the same direction as Ianto.

“We would go behind the Millennium Stadium at night, where there is this little wooden platform that overlooks the river. I would bring my speakers, and we would just… dance,” Jack finished quietly.

Ianto closed his eyes as he imagined going to these places with Jack. Sadness crowded his heart when he realised it probably would never happen.

“Well, we can still dance,” Ianto said as he tugged Jack by the wrist back into the living room. 

Kicking aside the pillows, Ianto fiddled with the radio until he found a jazz station. Turning his attention back to the captain, Ianto held out his arms expectantly as he waited for Jack to accept his invitation. 

Jack gave a half smile as he stepped into the circle of Ianto’s arms and clasped their hands together. Ianto rested his head on the captain’s shoulder as they both swayed to the music. 

They danced to Frank Sinatra crooning “The Very Thought of You” and Ianto exhaled slowly as Jack followed Ol’ Blue Eyes, singing softly under his breath. 

As crazy as Jack was about Ianto’s Welsh accent, he had never told the captain how much it made a warm tightness in his heart when he sung. Jack had a voice that was clear and sweet, which reminded Ianto of the ringing of a bell. 

They just kept dancing for the whole duration of the song, until Frank was replaced by Tony Bennett. 

“I wish we could have met under different circumstances,” Ianto suddenly said, slipping his fingers underneath the edges of Jack’s hairline. 

“What, you mean in another life?” Jack said, and Ianto could feel the curve of the captain’s lips against his cheek as he smiled. “I would have liked that as well.”

Jack tilted his head in thought, which let Ianto bury his face into the American’s neck. 

“I think I would have been a dashing hero, regularly saving the world. And you… you would have been my trusty sidekick, repairing my coat and getting me coffee.”

“Fuck you, sidekick my arse… sounds more like a butler,” Ianto chuckled, the vibrations tickling Jack a little. “I would have been out in the field with you, and looking damn good while doing it.”

“I bet you would have,” Jack said wistfully, and Ianto nuzzled deeper into the dip of older man’s shoulder in order to stop more “what ifs” tumbling from his tongue. 

But it was clear that Jack wasn’t thinking of what could have been when Ianto felt his hands slip down to his waist. Ianto could feel Jack’s hardened nipples catch the hair on his chest. 

“You still want me Jack?” Ianto asked as he rubbed his palm over the stiff peak of Jack’s nipples. 

“Always, Ianto,” Jack said. Ianto would have laughed at the vaguely cheesy statement if it hadn’t been for Jack’s cock insistently bumping against his groin. 

Instead of answering, Ianto just kissed him. Long and deep until he felt the captain’s heartbeat quicken beneath his palms. To Jack, Ianto’s lips tasted faintly sweet above the bitter taint of tobacco. 

They both divested what little clothing they had on as they made their way to the bedroom. Ianto pushed Jack onto the bed as he lay on top of him, placing little kisses to the bridge of his nose and the apple of his cheeks. 

Jack curled Ianto’s short hair around his fingers as the younger man raked his fingernails down the captain’s sensitive flanks. His toes curled when Ianto laved at his sensitive nipples and he felt goosebumps race across his arms. 

Although Ianto didn’t say anything while he was doing this, his fingers spoke more eloquently than mere words ever could. 

“_I want to remember you_,” said the loving sweep of his thumb across the Jack’s brow bone. 

“_I want you to remember me_,” said the brush of his fingers along the underside of his ribs. 

“_I want you to remember us_,” said the press of his hand against the captain’s stomach.

When Ianto eventually took Jack into his mouth, he felt rather than heard the deep groan emanating from his chest. Wrapping his fingers around the root, Ianto twisted his tongue around Jack’s substantial girth, swallowing any drops of precum that leaked from the tip of his cock. Jack’s body twisted in pleasure when Ianto increased the pressure on the sensitive head. 

He jackknifed when Ianto tugged at his balls as he took in all of his dick. Ianto worked his lips around Jack’s shaft, drawing back and forth along the length as he lazily kneaded his balls.

When the younger man swallowed suddenly, the tight wet heat made Jack’s vision go hazy. 

“Oh yes… Ianto,” the captain groaned as he battled with himself to keep control. He wanted to come inside the younger man rather than through a blowjob, but when Ianto pressed a spot beneath his balls, Jack’s couldn’t stop himself from spilling into his mouth. 

He was only vaguely aware of Ianto letting his cock loose and wiping the spunk from his mouth before kissing him again. Jack welcomed the kiss but that didn’t stop him from slapping Ianto sharply on one ass cheek. 

“What was that for?” Ianto said annoyed, rubbing his bum.

“I’m not you, I take a while to get going again,” Jack scolded playfully as he wrapped his hand around his rapidly softening shaft. Ianto laughed as he placed his hand over Jack’s much larger one.

“Why don’t you give me a massage in the meantime. Your stupid couch gave me a kink in my neck,” he said, taking both of Jack’s hands and placing them on his shoulders.

“Hey, I’m not the one that insisted we shag there,” Jack protested, but his traitorous fingers already started to softly dig into Ianto’s muscles. 

He turned the younger man on his front as he worked to loosen the knots just above his shoulder blade. His movements were slow and fluid as he traveled up and down Ianto’s spine, stopping just before his coccyx. 

Jack pressed his thumbs along the curve of Ianto’s spine, increasing pressure at the sensitive small of his back. He kissed the gentle dip before biting hard into the flesh, sucking and licking until the patch of skin turned purple.

Ianto gasped and glared at Jack over his shoulder. But Jack just winked at him as he kissed the love bite and followed each brush of his fingers with his lips. 

It took a good twenty minutes but when Ianto groaned, Jack knew that his touch had done more than just relax him. And Jack smiled, but didn’t stop his massage, when the younger man surreptitiously grabbed his own cock. 

When Jack’s hand eventually reached his buttocks, Ianto turned around again.

“My arse is not sore Jack,” Ianto said dryly. He shot the captain a withering look when Jack obviously tried to suppress whatever dirty quip that had crossed his mind. 

But dirty thoughts soon flooded his mind as Ianto bent one leg so that he could run the arch of his foot along Jack’s thighs. 

“How do you want to do this?” Jack asked, his cock now fully erect and smearing pre-orgasmic fluid over the back of Ianto’s right knee. 

“Well, I was thinking..” Ianto said as he got on all fours and shifted around to face Jack. He pulled the captain closer until their noses touched and whispered, “I would ride the fuck out of you. How about it?”

“Oh yeah,” Jack growled. As Ianto rummaged around for the lube, Jack sat back and made himself comfortable for the show that was to follow. 

Ripping open the condom packet, Ianto squeezed a few drops of KY over Jack’s unsheathed prick before rolling the rubber over him. Jack grinned as he recognised that trick, it would intensify the sensation of being inside him. 

As Ianto straddled him, Jack couldn’t stop himself from giving the younger man’s dick a hard pull, which earned him a glare. 

“Shouldn’t I?” Jack asked as he reached for the lube only to have Ianto stop him. 

“It’s okay, I’m loose enough,” Ianto licked his lips as he reached behind him and grabbed Jack’s sheathed cock. He moaned softly as he ran the slippery tip along the crack of his ass, brushing against his entrance several times. 

He leaned back on his heels as he guided the tip of Jack’s shaft inside him. Ianto felt himself stretch and open for the older man’s cock as he lowered his hips. Ianto threw his head back as he fully impaled himself on Jack’s prick.

Ianto took a deep breath as he let his body adjust. With Jack’s hands firmly cupping his buttocks, Ianto lifted himself a little before rocking back on his haunches. Bracing himself against Jack’s chest, he rose until just the tip was still inside him and then penetrated himself fully again. 

When he felt Jack’s cock brush against that sensitive gland inside him, Ianto’s self-control fractured. Jack gasped as Ianto suddenly rode him hard, repeatedly slamming down on his cock in such quick jerks that it made him dizzy. 

It was too much and Jack wanted to prolong the pleasure. 

“Hey.. slow down baby,” Jack said as he stilled Ianto’s hips with his hands. 

“Can’t… too good,” Ianto moaned. But Jack didn’t let go of his grip on Ianto until the younger man finally stopped.

“It will feel even better if we take our time,” Jack smiled dirtily as he rolled his hips to piston upwards in slow, even thrusts.

“Doesn’t that feel amazing Ianto?” he asked, his voice a mixture of gruff and velvet as he pulled Ianto down as he thrust up. "How deep I can bury myself in you?"

“Oh God, yes Jack,” Ianto groaned as he felt Jack’s cock brush his prostate in short, sharp stabs. His moans grew louder as Jack pulled at his cock, mimicking the movement of his hips. 

He leaned forward as he captured Jack’s mouth for a kiss, before burying his face into the crook of his neck.

“But you can fuck me a little harder Jack,” Ianto demanded. “I can take it.” 

Jack chuckled as he fucked Ianto with a few hard thrusts like he wanted before slowing down again much to Ianto’s chagrin. 

Although Ianto was on top, it was Jack controlling the pace now, alternating between a hard and forceful rhythm before returning to a slower pace of fucking.

At one point, Ianto brought up Jack’s wrist to his mouth and bit hard on the paper-thin skin as he felt his veins pulse beneath his tongue. He then took Jack’s hand and put it on his cock, hissing a little when he gripped hard.

Jack brought him to the brink a number of times before pulling back, and these high and low spikes in pleasure built Ianto’s impending orgasm up to a fever pitch. 

In order to intensify the captain’s pleasure, Ianto offered Jack two of his fingers, which he sucked hard until they were dripping with saliva. The younger man then took the wet digits and reached behind, past Jack’s balls to push into him. 

He blindly searched for Jack’s prostate, feeling the captain’s hips jerk hard, pushing his cock deeper, when he finally found it. Jack’s eyes darkened blue-black as Ianto took those same fingers and licked the tips. 

When Jack started thrusting hard again, it finally triggered Ianto’s climax, his semen staining Jack’s hand and chest. Ianto dragged his thumb through his spunk before anointing Jack’s bottom lip. 

It was the taste of Ianto’s cum that tipped Jack over the edge, and he ejaculated deep inside Ianto in long, pulsing waves as he gave a strangled moan. 

Ianto fell forward as the last of his strength melted. Jack caught him just before his weight crushed him, whispering softly into his ear as he ran a hand through his sweat-dampened hair. 

Jack had just enough strength to roll Ianto to the side before pulling out. Ianto didn’t even wince this time, he just fell asleep immediately. Jack shot the younger man a wistful smile as he kissed him softly on the lips.

He tied the condom off and wrapped it in tissue before dropping it on the floor. He kissed Ianto one last time as he pulled the blanket over both of them and fell asleep.

***

The first thing Ianto did when they woke up the next morning was call in sick. He wasn’t in the right state of mind to work anyway and he wanted to see Lisa in the afternoon. 

But she was the last thing on his mind as Ianto cooked Jack breakfast, which he wolfed down in appreciation. They read the paper together and watched the news. Ianto then reluctantly followed Jack into the shower, but was surprised when Jack did nothing more than help to wash his hair.

It was idyllic, doing simple things that other couples took for granted. And when it started to rain, all Ianto wanted to do was sink into the sound as he sat beside Jack on his couch. 

Jack himself seemed reluctant to bring it up, saying nothing when Ianto didn't mention anything about leaving. 

However, when lunchtime rolled around, Ianto knew it was time for him to go. To leave behind the illusion and get back to reality. 

But Ianto was surprisingly okay with it. For one night, he had gotten a glimpse of what life would have been like with Jack. The happiness he had felt, it made it easier for him to face whatever life had to throw at him. 

Ianto didn’t allow himself to be sad about it either. All he carried with him was a kind of resignation that he had nothing to feel remorseful about when it came to Jack. It was the best goodbye he could have ever asked for.

After Jack walked him to the door, Ianto turned and gave the captain a strong hug.

“You take care of yourself Captain Jack Harkness, and thank you,” Ianto said, trying to commit to memory the smell of Jack's hair and how he felt in his embrace. 

“There is nothing to thank me for Ianto,” Jack replied with a smile. 

“I’m not just talking about letting me in last night. Thank you Jack, for lending me your strength.”

Ianto closed his eyes and moved his mouth closer to Jack’s ear. 

“Thank you, for allowing me the privilege of loving you.”

“Ianto,” Jack said, unable to say more than the younger man’s name as Ianto pulled back. He always had a way of leaving him speechless. 

“Even after everything that has happened, I’ve never regretted meeting you Jack,” Ianto said before giving him hard kiss. Before Jack could kiss him back, Ianto was gone. 

Jack just stood there as Ianto walked away and he was suddenly reminded of the first time he had seen him. Tall and strong, with quiet confidence in every step.

“I never regretted meeting you either Jones, Ianto Jones,” Jack said softly to himself. It was only when the edges of Jack’s vision became blurry that he finally walked back inside.

***

Lisa stared at her phone as her finger hovered over the ‘send’ button. 

When she had woken up, she had felt bereft when she didn’t see Ianto snoozing in his usual chair. This turned to panic when hours passed and there was still no sign of him.

She had composed message after message, discarding each as too frantic, too needy or too harsh. It was only after she had settled down a little that she typed a simple, “Where are you?”

Even so, she was hesitant to send it. She almost broke down at the thought that she had chased away her husband for good.

As she was just about to send the text, the door opened and Ianto walked in.

“Where have you been!?” Lisa exploded, before she caught herself. “I mean… Ianto I’m…”

“It’s okay Lisa,” Ianto said, as he unbuttoned his jacket and hung it in the closet. “Dr. Harper told me to go home. I overslept and came as soon as I showered.”

Lisa bit her lip as she watched her husband tidy up, putting everything in its place. He had a sense of serenity about him that she had never seen before. 

“Ianto, I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened last night. Everything just got to me and…”

“Hey, it’s all right. We’re good sweetheart,” Ianto said reassuringly as he sat down beside her.

“Look, we both said a lot of things last night that shouldn’t have been said. I think it’s best we just forget about it and move forward. We can’t fight your cancer if we are fighting each other,” Ianto said softly as he brushed his thumb over her lips. 

Lisa felt her anger dissolve at the tender touch. 

“You’re right,” she agreed, as she leaned against his shoulder. Ianto gently rocked her back and forth as tears started to stream down her face. He whispered assurances as he wiped them away. 

“Now I’m going to see Dr. Harper and straighten things out with him okay? He was ready to throw us both out on our arses after what happened yesterday,” Ianto joked quietly said as he rose to his feet. 

He got as far as the door before he heard Lisa call his name. 

“Ianto, I need to know.” Ianto turned around to see Lisa fisting her sheets.

“Do you want to be here?” she asked, knowing that it could lead to another fight but also knowing that it would gnaw away at her if she didn’t ask.

Her heart leapt to her throat when she heard Ianto sigh under his breath. She quickly looked down, thinking she wouldn't be able to take it if he got angry with her again. 

But her eyes widened when Ianto took her hands into his. She looked up and saw the watered down sunlight cast in shadow the calm expression on his face. 

“I am only going to say this once Lisa,” he said quietly. “Otherwise it will just end in another fight.”

“But believe me when I say, there is no place else I want to be than by your side. I love you and we are going to get through this.”

It was the surety of his tone that melted the last bit of her reserve. 

And in the days that followed, Ianto was true to his word. He was no longer distracted and unlike earlier, Lisa knew that his heart was with her. The smell of smoke disappeared from his clothes and he no longer looked like he was going to collapse at any minute.

It was as if he had faced whatever demon that had been chasing him and had come out of it unscathed. She had finally gotten her husband back, and because of that, she didn’t question where he had gone that night. 

But most of all, she noticed that Ianto no longer stared out the window anymore.


	12. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the nice comments and kudos <3

*** 

_Goodbye, my beloved,_   
_I still don’t want to let my love end, _   
_Goodbye, if only that one word, _   
_Would disappear from this world. (8)_

***

**Three Months Later**

“Are you serious?” Lisa asked, her voice trembling. Although he didn’t show it, Ianto felt as jumpy as his wife, squeezing her hand as he tried to wrap his head around what the doctor was telling him. 

“I wouldn’t joke about this kind of thing Lisa,” Owen said huffily, but he smiled at the couple as he passed them the report. “Your cancer is definitely retreating. The operations you had managed to remove the larger masses and the smaller ones that were left are definitely shrinking in size.”

“Dr. Harper, does this mean, her cancer is in remission?” Ianto asked calmly, but there was a light in his eyes that hadn’t been present for months. 

“Well it is still too early to declare it a complete victory, but you are definitely on your way Lisa,” Owen said warily, but the soft optimism in his tone was enough for Lisa. 

“So… what now Dr. Harper?” Lisa asked, tiny seeds of happiness bubbling up inside her chest as she shot Ianto a smile of pure joy. 

“We will keep monitoring you and of course you have to come in frequently for checkups, but hopefully this means no more hospital stays for a while,” Owen said.

Discarding his earlier reserved demeanour, Owen leaned forward and took Lisa’s hand into his and gave it a comforting pat. 

“Why don’t you two think about taking a short break? Away from London for a few days. Not very far, but any place where you two can leave behind the city,” Owen said. 

Both of them nodded and Lisa suddenly jumped out of her chair to give the doctor a hug.

“Thank you,” she whispered, kissing him on the cheek. Owen smiled and patted her on the shoulder. 

“Now get out of here the both of you. Sara will settle your next appointment,” Owen said, waving them towards the door.

The minute they were out the door, Ianto spontaneously gathered Lisa in his arms and spun her around. Lisa laughed and kissed her husband on the lips.

“I’m not going to lose you,” Ianto said, sounding like a man who had just gotten a new lease on life. 

“You’re not going to lose me,” Lisa echoed, as she slid out of his embrace and her feet touched the ground. 

“Let’s not go home yet. Why don’t we take a walk in Hyde Park?” Lisa suggested, linking her arm with his. 

Ianto nodded and waved for a taxi, glad that it wasn’t that cold so he could indulge Lisa’s request. Although snowdrops had already started to show on the grass, after such a harsh winter, spring was a little slow to show her head. 

But it didn’t matter for Lisa, for her spring had well and truly come. 

As it was a weekday, Hyde Park was still relatively empty. Most visitors to the city didn’t realise how sprawling the park really was, with most choosing to congregate along the Serpentine. 

It was Lisa’s favourite place in the park as well, and they both sat down on one of the benches facing the river. But they weren’t alone for long before the tame, yet greedy, geese that were the river’s inhabitants came to check the couple out. 

“So, where do you want to go?” Ianto asked, as he handed Lisa a bag of stale bread, which he had hastily bought from a nearby vendor. 

“I’m not sure actually,” Lisa mused as she broke off a section of bread to toss at the hungry birds. “Do you think Cardiff would be too far? I would love to see Great-Aunt Olivia, she was nice enough to visit even though the journey is hard on her.”

“I will call Dr. Harper and ask. There is this lovely little town called Rose Bush that we could visit. There is probably nothing to do there, but I don’t think you would mind,” Ianto said teasingly.

Lisa nodded. 

“It’s just nice making plans again. To know that we have a future,” Lisa said softly, brushing the crumbs from her lap. She apologetically showed her empty hands to a nearby goose, which just honked disapprovingly and waddled away. 

“It is,” Ianto agreed taking her hand into his. “It really is,” he added kissing her gently on the forehead. 

Ianto started sorting out the details the minute Owen gave his okay. He decided that a three day, two night stay was good enough of a break. They would rent a car and stop by Cardiff to visit Lisa’s great-aunt before making their way to Rose Bush. 

He had gotten as far as booking the Airbnb when Lisa complained of a twinge in her side. 

The cancer had spread to her pancreas. 

***

**Three Months Later**

London was experiencing its hottest summer in years. People melted in their skins as the temperature soared and restaurants had started putting out gigantic fans in their alfresco areas.

But Ianto just felt cold as he listened to Owen's diagnosis on his wife. Tosh’s eyes filled with tears as she held onto the chair for support, her hand firmly on Ianto’s shoulder.

“What do you mean…there is nothing that can be done?” Ianto said quietly, but Tosh could hear the dangerous desperation behind his flat tone. 

“Exactly that Mr. Jones. The cancer is aggressive and inoperable. Even if I put her through chemo again, it would only give her months, not years. And frankly, all I would want to do at this point is to make her comfortable,” Owen said grimly. 

“Surely Dr. Harper… there has to be _something_!” Tosh burst out. “Some treatment, some operation… something!”

“I’m sorry but there is nothing that can be done at this point Miss Sato. Anything other than pain management would mean Lisa going in for procedures that would put her through intense pain…and for what?” Owen said. 

“What do you mean for what?” Ianto almost yelled. “How could this happen? How could you not see this in the earlier scans? You said we had a chance!”

“I know what I said Mr. Jones!” Owen responded sharply, “But it changes nothing. Your wife doesn’t have much longer to live and although you can opt for it, any additional treatment would just prove futile.”

“Do you even care!” Ianto fired back, flames of anger flaring in the pit of his stomach quashing his earlier sadness. 

“I do care,” Owen said quietly. He then got to his feet and gave Ianto a hard look. 

“But if I were you, I would be spending time with your wife… not here fighting me.” 

Ianto staggered backwards, the doctor’s words as tangible as a physical blow. And when he took a step forward, Owen thought the younger man really was going to hit him. 

But all he did was slam his fist into the Owen’s desk. However, Owen could see the unshed tears brimming in his eyes belying his vicious gesture.

He then picked up his coat and left, letting the door slam in his wake as Owen sank back into his chair with a sigh. 

“Excuse my language Dr. Harper, but your bedside manner is fucking terrible,” Tosh said angrily. Owen, who had been pressing his fingers to his temple, looked up and glared at her. 

“What would you have me do Miss Sato? Lie to him? Soften the blow by telling him everything will be okay, when I know it won’t be?” he shot back. 

“No! But anything would have been better than just now!” It was Tosh’s turn now to get to her feet and approach his desk. 

“You could have broken it to him gently for Christ’s sake! Not slam the news into him using a sledgehammer. His wife is dying!”

“You think I don’t know that Miss Sato? You don’t think I feel guilty that I allowed them a chance to plan for the future? I gave them false hope once…. I wasn’t about to do it again,” Owen replied bitterly, but Tosh didn’t care about how he felt. 

As far as she was concerned, he didn’t deserve any of her sympathy after how he had acted. Although her chest was heaving with anger as she looked at him, her voice was surprisingly calm. 

“Not false hope, but hope of any sort would have sufficed. If you can’t offer them hope, what business do you have being a doctor?” she said quietly. 

Grabbing her bag, she stalked out of his room, leaving him alone with his thoughts. 

***

Lisa felt as if she was drowning. She opened up her mouth to take great gulps of air only to have her lungs waterlogged. She could feel the weight of the water pressing her down, making it impossible to open her eyes. 

But still she tried, and when her eyelids finally lifted, she saw Ianto sitting in a chair with his head in her hands. 

“Bad news huh?” Lisa rasped, her throat feeling like it had been sandpapered. In a blink, Ianto was by her side smoothing away her thin hair from her eyes. 

“Shh… don’t talk Lisa. Just rest okay?” Ianto said concerned, as he uselessly plumped up her pillows in order to make her comfortable. “Do you need anything? Water? Ice?”

Lisa wrapped her fingers around his wrists and firmly pulled them down to her chest. 

“What I need is for you to tell me what Dr. Harper said,” she asked softly. Ianto swallowed the lump in his throat as he looked down at her, realising how frail she looked… how much her condition had deteriorated over the past three months. 

“He said… he said…” For a minute Ianto thought about lying to her, telling her that it wasn’t the end. But once he saw how trusting her eyes were, he knew that he could not lie to her anymore. 

He had told her so many lies over the past year, and it was finally time for him to stop. 

“He said there is nothing more than can be done,” Ianto said. Suddenly the dam inside him broke as he brought her hands to his face and started to sob. 

“I’m sorry Lisa… I’m so so sorry,” he cried, his tears wetting her palms. But Lisa didn’t join him, instead she just gently loosened one of her hands from his grip and stroked his hair. 

“It’s okay Ianto, I had guessed as much,” Lisa said, and she had. She didn’t need any more tests to be done to know that she wouldn’t survive this trip to the hospital. Her body ached and broad streaks of pain kept racing across her stomach. 

But she hardly felt it. After fighting for so hard and so long, all she felt was relief that her pain would soon be over. However, Ianto’s pain would go on and all she wanted to do now was offer him the same comfort he had given her. 

As all of these thoughts tumbled through her head, she held Ianto closer and peppered his hairline with kisses. She would tell him all she was thinking later, but for now she just wanted him as close to her as their bodies would allow.

Tosh leaned against the wall outside the room, her chin on her chest as she listened to the exchange between them through the door that was slightly ajar. Her tears dripped to the floor as she wondered how she was going to face the other woman. 

She only looked up when she heard the sound of approaching footsteps. Her expression hardened when she saw Owen walking purposefully down the hall, a brown file clutched to his chest.

“You don’t have to break the news to her now. Ianto just told her,” Tosh said shortly, wiping away her tears with the back of her hand. 

“I’m her doctor, I have to tell her the status of her conditions and ask what she wants to do next,” Owen replied, but he didn’t sound angry rather tired. It wasn’t as if he was unfamiliar with death, it just never got any easier. 

“If it’s going to be a repeat performance of what you said in your office, forgive me if I don’t want to be around to hear it,” Tosh said, abruptly pushing herself from the wall.

“Do me a favour and tell Ianto I’ve gone to get a cup of coffee,” Tosh said, brushing past him, too angry to say anything more. 

“I had a fiancée named Kate.”

Tosh froze as Owen suddenly uttered that sentence, his defeated tone making her halt her steps. The doctor just stood there with his back to her as he waited for her to walk away. When she didn’t, he took her silence as an invitation to continue. 

“She had cancer as well. Her doctor made me think she had a chance,” Owen continued, his hands falling to his side in fists as painful memories rushed back. 

Neither of them spoke for several seconds as Tosh tightened her grip on her handbag. An unexpected pang of pity struck her as the deeper implication of his words sunk in. But that was the extent of her empathy, it didn’t make things any better. 

“It’s a reason, not an excuse,” Tosh said quietly. 

With that, she held her head high and walked away. 

***

**Two Weeks Later**

Ianto raced down the hallway of the hospital, clearly ignoring the “no running” signs plastered on the walls. His erratic footsteps mimicked the rapid beating of his heart as he burst into Lisa’s room.

“Lisa?!” Ianto said, his insides turning cold as he saw Owen and a couple of nurses circling his wife’s bed. Her eyes were closed but the steady beep of the machines told him that she was alive. 

“She’s okay, for now. She had a pretty nasty seizure though but we’ve managed to stabilise her,” Owen said, checking her IV and dismissing the nurses with a sharp nod. 

“Is she… will she… regain consciousness?” Ianto asked, approaching the other side of her bed to take her hand. Owen sighed quietly as he looked down at her prone form.

“She should, but when I’m not sure. I suggest you don’t leave her side,” Owen said, glancing her vitals one last time before noting it on the board by her bed.

“I will be back to check on her later,” he said, turning to leave stopping only when he heard Ianto ask something. 

“How much longer Dr. Harper?” Ianto demanded. Owen closed his eyes at Ianto’s question, when he opened them to look at the other man, they were shadowed with sorrow.

“Not much longer now,” he said quietly before exiting the room. 

Ianto’s joints suddenly gave out as he dropped to his knees by Lisa’s bed, still clutching her hand. He placed his head against the edge of the mattress as he started to weep softly. 

“Wake up sweetheart, please. I’m here, talk to me,” Ianto pleaded kissing the back of her hand. 

“Ianto?” Lisa suddenly mumbled groggily. Ianto shot up to his feet, ignoring the stinging discomfort in his legs. 

“Lisa? I’m here honey,” Ianto said, lovingly kissing her on the cheek, hoping that his touch would bring her back. Her eyes flickered open for a second before closing again. 

“Ianto… stay,” she murmured before falling back into a deep sleep. 

It wasn’t much, but it was enough. Ianto felt relief overwhelm him as he staggered to a nearby chair. He placed his head in his hands as he realised he wasn’t too late, that she hadn’t left him just yet. 

And that unlike his father, he would have a chance to say goodbye. 

His hands trembled as he composed a text to Tosh, telling her to be at the hospital as soon as possible. He then sent a text to Lisa’s great-aunt, informing her but not knowing if she would get there in time. 

After he was done, he dropped his phone on a nearby table with a clatter as his bones suddenly turned to water. Ianto stared at the pile of books next to his phone as his mind cast back over the past fourteen days.

Each day, he had lived in abject fear that it would be Lisa’s last. During that time, he had barely left the hospital, returning to their apartment only to do laundry and pick up fresh clothes. 

He could at least count his blessings that there had been good days and bad. Sometimes, Lisa seemed in such good spirits that it was hard to believe how serious her condition was. When that happened, they caught up on movies they had missed, or just talked for hours at an end. 

On some days, she was so weak that Ianto simply read to her. He had borrowed a large number of books from the library for that purpose. He had even acted out scenes from the passages, his heart lifting when he made Lisa laugh. 

And then there were days where she just slept as Ianto looked on in despair. He felt that way now as he gazed at his wife as memories of their time together came back to him in bits and pieces.

Hours passed, but Ianto didn’t move from the chair. He only got up when Lisa shifted or said something, only the sink back down when she failed to wake completely. 

He barely registered the coming and going of Owen or his nurses. He only came out of his stupor when Tosh arrived in the late evening, her eyes red as she hugged him long and hard. 

With Tosh around, Ianto finally felt like he could relax. He rested his head against her stomach and just closed his eyes when he heard Lisa say softly, “Did I scare you both?”

“Lisa!?” Both Ianto and Tosh said her name together as they crowded by her bedside.

“Hey Tosh, don’t you have work?” Lisa joked weakly. Tosh smiled through her tears as she gave Lisa’s hand a gentle squeeze. 

“Silly girl, it’s already evening. You’ve been sleeping the whole day,” Tosh teased as she hastily dabbed at her eyes with a tissue. 

“Evening?” Lisa said as she turned her head towards her husband. “Have you been sitting in that chair the whole day Ianto?”

“You knew I was here?” Ianto asked, his voice shaky as he bent down to kiss her. Lisa smiled as she kissed him back. 

“Of course I did, I always know when you are with me sweetheart,” she said tenderly. Her heart tightened a little though in concern when she saw the dark shadows under his eyes. 

“Why don’t you sleep for a while Ianto. I want to talk to Tosh alone,” she suggested. Ianto was about to protest when he saw Tosh nod at him. 

“I will wake if you anything,” the gesture seemed to say and Ianto finally acquiesced. 

“Okay… but no talking about me behind my back,” Ianto said in mock jest as he let go of his wife’s hand. He settled back into the armchair, determined to keep an eye on the both of them. 

But exhaustion soon overtook him and Ianto fell asleep, lulled by the soft chatter of their conversation. He only awoke when he felt someone touch him on the shoulder. 

“I’ve got to go Ianto,” Tosh said sadly. Ianto nodded his head and got to his feet. Glancing at the clock, he was surprised to see it was almost midnight. He had been asleep for almost five hours. 

“Do you have to?” Ianto asked, glancing over at the bed where Lisa appeared to be sleeping. 

Tosh nodded, her heart already torn to shreds. She had wanted to stay, but couldn’t say now when Lisa had insisted that she wanted some time alone with her husband. 

“Call me okay?” Tosh said, giving him a hug. She cast one last glance at her friend and blew her a kiss before leaving the room. 

Once Tosh was gone, Ianto dragged his chair closer towards Lisa’s bed. Her eyes flew open at the sound of the legs scraping on the carpet and smiled at him. 

“I woke you, sorry…”

“No it’s okay,” she said as she caressed his face, wiping away the dried tear tracks. Beyond that however, she didn’t know what to say to him but at the same time was desperate to fill the gaping silence between them.

“Why don’t you read something to me? Anything will do,” Lisa said waving her hand towards the bedside table. 

Nodding silently, Ianto picked up a book at random and flipped it open. It was a book of poetry, which Lisa had always loved. He thumbed through the pages until found Robert Frost’s “Reluctance”.

Drawing the chair even closer, Ianto sat down and started to read. Lisa listened quietly as she let the words, cloaked in Ianto’s silky Welsh accent, wrap around her. 

But her breath stopped at her throat when he read the last passage. 

“When to the heart of a man, was it ever less than a treason. To go with the drift of things, to yield with a grace to reason, and bow and accept the end of a love or a season?” 

She closed her eyes, that was exactly what she wanted to tell Ianto. Not to let fate mould his future, but instead insist on shaping it using his own hand. 

“Beautiful choice Ianto,” Lisa said, hoping that the strength in Frost’s words would help to bolster her husband when he became too weak to walk on his own. 

“I’ve always loved it. The way he talks about not accepting the inevitable,” Ianto said as he closed the book. Lisa sighed as she gazed out the window.

“I wish I could be outside again. I miss the smell of grass, wind, and sunshine on my skin. Even the smell of the London smog,” Lisa chuckled and Ianto joined her, even though his throat was thick with unshed tears. 

“I will take you out in the morning if you like. Screw what Dr. Harper says,” Ianto said. Lisa smiled at his defiant tone but her heart ached, knowing that she wouldn’t last the night. 

“Do you remember when we last went camping?” Lisa suddenly said, as she tried to turn herself over. She waved away Ianto’s offer of help, choosing instead to rest on her side. 

“Of course, that was when I proposed,” Ianto said with a smile, which was quickly followed by a grimace. “That stupid dog pissing on the tent ruined the romantic mood though.”

Lisa gave a small laugh, but she couldn’t stop the wetness that was trailing down her cheeks. 

“I’m sorry Ianto, for everything,” she said sobbed, her throat contracting in pain at each word. “I’m sorry if I hurt you, or that I wasn’t everything you wanted.”

“Stop it Lisa, there is nothing to be sorry about,” Ianto said as he leaned forward and wiped away her tears. But he didn’t do a thing about his own, which were staining her hospital gown. 

“Stay with me Ianto, don’t leave me in the dark,” she said desperately, blindly reaching to touch any part of him. 

With her last ounce of strength, she pushed her head into his chest as she whispered, “Don’t leave me.”

“I won’t leave you Lisa, I promise,” Ianto said, his voice finally breaking. Lisa’s expression turned peaceful as her hold on him loosened and she fell back onto the bed. 

Ianto kept his promise, he didn’t leave. 

He didn’t leave even when she fell into a comatose state. He didn’t leave her when her breathing became increasing shallow. He didn’t leave when the machines suddenly screamed as her heart stopped. 

He didn’t leave her, until they came to take away her body. 

***

**One Day Later**

Page 48 of the _Evening Times._

_Lisa Hallet-Jones, 26, left us on July 2 at the Sacred Heart hospital, with her husband Ianto Jones by her side. _  
_She passed after a long battle, which she fought bravely to the end. Her life was full of love and caring for other people, which in turn enriched the lives of all that knew her._   
_Her funeral service will be held at the All Souls Church on July 3 at 10 am. Flowers are welcomed. Donations should be made out to the cancer ward of the Sacred Heart Hospital. _

***

**One Day Later**

Tosh shielded her eyes against the blinding sunlight as she locked her car. Her pumps crunched on the gravel road as a light breeze tossed the hem of her black dress. 

It was a beautiful day, which would have normally filled her heart with joy, but today… Tosh just found it cruel. She was there to bury her friend and as a result, all she felt in her heart was darkness 

As she made her way up the cemetery path, she kept dabbing her eyes with her handkerchief as her fingers tightened around the bouquet of white lilies she was holding. 

Ianto had chosen to bury Lisa just outside London, in a well-known cemetery, where her parents also lay. But Tosh didn’t notice the gleaming white headstones or the scrupulously cut grass. 

The only thing in her line of vision was Ianto, clad in black suit against a backdrop of white wreaths. And next to him was a mahogany coffin, draped with the very flowers she was holding.

“Ianto…” Tosh started but got no further as Ianto wordlessly pulled her to him a firm embrace. She squeezed her eyes shut as she opened her mouth to tell him how sorry she was, but the words just died on her lips. 

Neither of them said anything as they took their seats by the head of the coffin as they waited for the priest to begin the service. As per her request, the service was short, as Lisa hadn’t wanted too many eulogies. 

The first was given by her Great-Aunt Olivia, who read out one of Lisa’s favourite poems. Despite her sadness, her voice was strong and the poignant words shot straight to Tosh’s heart. 

Then it was her turn to speak, and Tosh held back her tears as she recounted all the happy times she had with Lisa in university. Her speech was short but funny, and it made most people laugh despite their tears. 

More importantly, it made Ianto smile. Although Tosh knew that some found it strange that he had chosen not to say anything, she knew why. 

Ianto had already delivered his eulogy to his wife over the past two weeks. For him, there was simply nothing left to be said. 

When they finally lowered Lisa’s coffin into the ground, Tosh cried harder than she ever had in her life. But still she stood firm next to Ianto, gripping his hand when started to fill the plot with dirt. 

“Are you going to be alright?” she eventually asked, after most of the people had left. 

“I’ll be fine Tosh,” Ianto said quietly. But he didn’t look at her when he spoke, he just stared at the freshly turned earth on top of his wife’s grave. 

“I just need to be with her by myself for a bit longer if you don’t mind.”

Tosh nodded in understanding as she bit her bottom lip. She stretched on her tiptoes to give him a kiss on the cheek, before grabbing a tea-candle from a box next to Lisa’s grave.

She lit it using the flame of the other candles before sliding it along the groove at the bottom of the tombstone, which had been expressly etched for that purpose. 

Tosh smiled as she did so. Trust Ianto to pay attention to such a minute detail, asking for a special spot to hold the candles so that they would burn out harmlessly. 

“Goodbye Lisa,” Tosh said as she turned to leave. 

She was only a few meters away from her car when she caught her heel on an uneven tile and tripped. She managed to brace herself on her hands but the impact made her purse strap snap, spilling its contents on the grass. 

“Shit,” she swore softly but then swiftly clamped her hand over her mouth. Sighing to herself, she started to collect her things when a familiar pair of hands picking up her lipstick stopped her.

“Need some help Miss Sato?” asked Owen. He didn’t even wait for her reply before gathering the rest of her belongings and handing them back to her. 

“What are you doing here?” she said puzzled as she stuffed her things back into her bag. 

Owen shrugged. 

“I’m a tactless bastard who sometimes attends my patients funerals. So sue me.” 

Tosh was about to open her mouth to make a cutting remark when he added, “I’m really sorry for your loss.”

Without his standoffish attitude, Tosh suddenly realised that Lisa’s death had affected him too. His heartfelt words chipped away at her anger towards him, tempering her opinion of the doctor. 

“Thank you,” she said, but she pulled away when Owen suddenly reached for her hands. 

“The scratches are quite deep,” Owen said with a frown. “I’ve got a first aid kit in my car, I can patch you right up.”

Tosh’s skin tingled at his touch and she felt her cheeks suddenly grow hot. 

“Thank you Dr. Harper,” she stuttered slightly. “Why don’t I buy you coffee as a way to repay you and you can bandage me there?”

If Owen was surprised by her sudden invite, he certainly didn’t show it. 

“That would be nice. There's a good restaurant a short drive away. And the name’s Owen by the way,” he said gruffly. 

“And you can call me Tosh,” she replied warmly. 

But before they made it any further down the path, Owen suddenly stopped and turned his eyes towards Ianto’s direction. 

“Is it all right to leave him like that?”

Tosh sighed as she glanced at her friend over her shoulder. 

“He wants to be alone,” she said softly as she got into her car. 

But Ianto knew he wasn’t alone. 

Even though there was not a soul left of the funeral party, Ianto had a distinct feeling that he was being watched. And when he heard familiar footsteps coming up from behind him, his suspicions were confirmed. 

“Jack,” Ianto said to the wind as he closed his eyes. 

It was Jack, who had been watching Ianto a distance away from the shade of a tree, his heart aching for the younger man. 

On the surface, Ianto looked extremely put together. His suit was neatly pressed and not a hair was out of place. He thanked everybody politely and even laughed appropriately when someone told him a funny anecdote about Lisa. 

But Jack knew better. It was his eyes, the colour of the sky pregnant with rain, which gave any hint as to the turmoil inside him. 

And Jack admired him even more for it, that small show of weakness.

“Ianto… I’m sorry,” Jack said, as he stood behind his former lover. He was so close, Ianto could feel the captain’s greatcoat brush against the back of his legs. 

“You shouldn’t be here Jack. Not today of all days. Please leave,” Ianto said in a hard voice, but Jack could see his shoulders shaking as he tried to control his emotions. 

“It’s okay Ianto,” Jack said, forcefully turning Ianto around so that he could wrap his arms around him in a bear hug. 

For a minute, Ianto just stood there, shocked that Jack would do such a thing. His surprise soon turned to anger as he tried to break free of Jack’s embrace.

“Let me go Jack! Go! Leave me alone!” Ianto yelled as he struggled in Jack’s arms, raining blows on his chest as he tried to push himself away from the captain.

But the more he pushed and hit, the stronger Jack held him. Even if he hated him for it, Jack wouldn’t let him go. He just bore the brunt of Ianto’s fists, not flinching even when it made contact with his breastbone. 

Still he wouldn’t let him go. 

Jack knew that he couldn’t use his usual tools to comfort Ianto. His humour, even his touch would have seemed cheap in the face of such overwhelming grief. 

All he could give him, was something the younger man had promised to him an age ago. 

He let him fall apart. 

“It’s okay Ianto,” Jack said as put his hand on the back of Ianto’s head. It was the gentleness in the captain’s tone that finally broke him as Ianto grabbed his lapels and cried into Jack’s shirt. 

“She’s gone!” Ianto sobbed, his voice painfully sore. 

“Oh Ianto,” Jack murmured as he kept stroking his hair, closing his eyes as he let the younger man crumble in his arms. 

God, Jack hated cemeteries. He never understood why some people found them peaceful. For all he could feel was sorrow in every nook and cranny, as cloying and thick as the perfume from the frangipani trees. 

In the distance, he could hear the ringing of church bells and the collective voices of the choir, carried clearly in the wind. 

“If you wander off too far, my love will get you home. If you follow the wrong star, my love will get you home. If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone, get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home,” they sang. 

“I’m never going to see her again Jack,” Ianto cried softly and Jack could almost feel his heart break. 

“It’s going to be okay Ianto,” Jack said. He softly hummed the hymn under the breath as the music melted into the sky. 

And then there was silence. 

***

Jack didn’t know how long he held the younger man. Hours maybe, but Jack didn’t bother to count. 

He held him even after the bone-breaking sobs had petered out into soft crying. He held him even when the crying stopped and Ianto just stood in the circle of his arms with his palms flat against his chest. 

He held him even when the cemetery became empty and they were the only two left. He held him even when the evening lamps switched on, illuminating the two men in a soft buttery glow. 

It was only when the first fingers of twilight began to steal over them that Ianto spoke. 

“I think you’d better go,” he said quietly. 

Jack nodded, but his arms hesitated to let Ianto go. There was still so much he wanted to tell him. 

He wanted to tell Ianto that their friendship had grounded him. That he had been there for Jack in more ways that he could count. 

Above all, he wanted to tell him he loved him too. 

Jack knew that now. After the younger man had left him six months ago, Jack soon came to realise he couldn’t be indifferent about love when it came to Ianto. 

But he couldn’t tell him. He couldn’t burden Ianto with his own petty feelings, not when he was so heartsick. Jack cared about him too much for that. 

So instead he just dropped a soft kiss on Ianto’s temple and whispered, “You take care of yourself Ianto Jones.”

It was only then he let Ianto go, not daring to look at his face before walking away. 

But Jack didn’t leave. Instead he just retreated to his previous spot beneath the tree and watched him. 

He saw Ianto crouch by Lisa’s grave, his hands steepled in prayer, his lips moving as if he was speaking to her. Jack smiled when he saw Ianto laugh, only to have his heart tumble and crash when Ianto started crying again. 

But Jack was glad that he couldn’t hear what Ianto was saying. He knew that this was a conversation that would only be known between him and Lisa. 

The captain leaned against the tree as he watched Ianto light a candle before kissing Lisa’s tombstone. He then got to his feet, brushed the dirt from his trousers and left. 

And even then, Jack didn’t move. He eyes just followed Ianto’s retreating back, until he became just a shadow on the horizon. 

It was only after Ianto was well and truly out of sight that Jack emerged from the shadows. He walked to her grave in slow, respectful steps until he was beside her headstone. 

Taking a candle from the box, Jack rummaged in his pocket until he found what he was looking for. A circle of gold, Ianto’s wedding ring, which he had left at his apartment so many months ago. 

He pressed the ring into the soft wax, framing the wick. 

“This belongs to you,” Jack said quietly as he lit the candle and slid it into the base. 

He then stepped back and just stared at the headstone for the longest time. The light from the candles flickered in his blue eyes as he let out a deep breath that he hadn’t realised he had been holding. 

It was only then did Jack turn on his heel and head in the direction of the parking lot.


	13. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You all are great, almost at the end now :)

***

**Four and A Half Years Later**

Jack drummed his fingers on his chin as he contemplated the spread of wedding cards in front of him, all laid out in neat rows. He had never seen quite so many variations in his life, and quite frankly, the kaleidoscope of colours was beginning to give him a headache. 

“Well the faster I get this done…” he muttered to himself as he moved forward and started sorting through the pile. 

"Too ugly, too gaudy, too garish," he critiqued under his breath as he quickly tossed aside card after card until he finally narrowed it down to two. 

The first was beautifully simple, off-white with clean lines and blue lettering edged in pewter. The second was more traditional, boasting flowing gold script printed on thick cream coloured card the texture of parchment. 

He tilted his head as he considered both of the wedding invitations. But from what he knew about the bride, he instinctively guessed that the white card was the better pick. 

Glad to have that finally sorted, Jack smiled to himself as he leaned back into his chair. His mood was a world apart from the last time he had to choose wedding invites. His heart wasn’t troubled, neither were his thoughts scattered. This time, his mind was free from doubt.

After all, it wasn’t his wedding that these cards were for. 

Jack jumped at little when the table started to vibrate, signaling an incoming call. Picking up his phone, he grinned when he saw who it was. 

“Speak of the devil…”

Answering the call, Jack placed one hand on the back of his head as he brought his phone to his ear. 

“Dr. Harper! I was wondering when you were going to call,” Jack drawled. 

“Harkness, are you done with those wedding invites yet?” Owen asked abruptly, but he couldn’t quite hide the twinge of worry in his voice. Jack’s lips quirked upwards in a smile, he knew that Owen was supposed to have put in the order at the printers last week. 

“Yes I have,” Jack answered as he ran a thumb over his chosen card. “How are the wedding preparations going on the bride’s side?”

“It’s going well… too well in fact,” Owen admitted ruefully, his voice dropping to just above a whisper. 

Jack raised an eyebrow as he heard the rustle of fabric followed by the soft click of a door. Obviously Owen wasn’t keen on his wife-to-be accidentally overhearing their conversation. 

“She’s bloody crazy Jack! Tosh is so efficient it’s scary!” Owen said loudly, when he felt it safe enough to speak his mind. Jack had to laugh, he never thought he would see acid-tongued Owen Harper a touch henpecked. 

“I mean, our wedding is six months away and she already has everything planned! The hall, the flowers, even the priest that is going to marry us at the church! That’s why I offered to pick the wedding cards, I didn’t want people to think that I didn’t have anything to do with my own wedding,” Owen finished with a wounded sigh.

Jack frowned at Owen’s theatrics. 

“If that’s the case, why the hell am I the one doing the choosing?” Jack asked sarcastically.

“Because you’re my best man. Also, I figured you would have had experience with this sort of thing,” Owen said bluntly. 

Jack seethed a little at Owen’s tactlessness, but he just let it go. He knew that he had no right to get angry at the truth.

Plus, Owen had been spot on about Jack being knowledgeable in these matters, which was why the captain could recognise pre-wedding jitters when he saw it. 

“I thought it was the best man’s job to arrange your bachelor party,” Jack teased. The American smirked as he remembered Owen’s response about what he wanted at his stag night. 

The doctor’s reply was succinct and to the point. Titty bars, free-flow alcohol. 

“And some kind of best friend you are, I haven’t even met Toshiko yet. And remember when you changed hospitals? I didn’t even learn about it until a month later,” Jack needled, knowing that Owen still felt a tad guilty about it. 

Actually the irony had stunned Jack when Owen had first told him about joining Sacred Heart. Of all the hospitals the doctor had chosen to go to, what were the odds that he had picked Lisa’s?

And after Jack had learned about Lisa’s cancer, he had itched to ask Owen whether she was his patient. And whether he had seen Ianto around the hospital. But he never had for fear of the doctor asking too many probing questions. 

“Well I’m not the one who buggered off to Dubai for two years was I?” Owen retorted, his curt tone bringing Jack back to the present. 

“Hey, in my defense I had no choice. The position was too good to turn down and you know I needed the money. Who would have thought that an aborted wedding would end up costing more than an actual wedding,” Jack said sheepishly.

He didn’t add that he had welcomed the chance to leave behind London for a while. There were some things that Owen simply didn’t need to know. The captain shook his head a little as if to clear it of memories before he spoke.

“Getting back to the point, when am I going to meet the wonderful Toshiko? So far, all I know about her is what you’ve told me online and through email,” Jack said. 

“Soon. Actually tonight if you are free for dinner. She’s very eager to meet you after everything I’ve told her about you,” Owen said. Although the doctor’s tone was casual, Jack still managed to catch the slight wisp of jealousy behind the words. 

“You were scared that I would steal her away from you, weren’t you?” Jack said as realisation finally dawned on him. When Owen didn’t answer, the captain threw his head back and laughed. 

“Are you still sore about that girl in the bar?” Jack asked. When he was greeted by silence, Jack sighed and added, “Owen, that was years ago, I thought you would have let it go by now.” 

“Well I’m sorry, but I actually really liked her. But then she took one look at you and it was as if I didn’t exist,” Owen said bitterly, obviously still sore at the thought of it. “But I’m serious this time Jack, hands off.”

The doctor’s tone was sharp, but Jack wasn’t offended. He couldn’t be when Owen’s heart was so clearly on his sleeve. 

“Well, if it’s any consolation, she turned out to be a right bitch,” Jack placated, hoping to smooth his friend’s ruffled feathers. 

“Her roommate and boyfriend however, were more than accommodating,” the captain confessed with a clear smirk in his voice.

“You are a sick man Harkness,” Owen said in disgust, but even he couldn’t help but laugh, which triggered the American’s own dirty chuckle. 

“Anyway, dinner tonight should be fine. Just text me the time and place. In the meantime, I’m going to ring the printers and put in your order. How many do you want again?” Jack asked as he reached for a notepad and pencil.

“Two hundred and fifty should be more than enough. We’ve invited two hundred, but it’s always good to have spares. Speaking of which…” 

Jack turned guarded when he heard Owen pause to clear his throat, knowing that he wasn’t going to like what was coming next. 

“Are you bringing anyone to the wedding? Because if you’re not, I’m warning you not to try anything funny with the bridesmaids. They are Tosh’s cousins and some of them are barely legal Harkness,” Owen warned. 

Jack rolled his eyes at Owen’s veiled threat, it seemed that his reputation preceded him once again. 

“I’m going stag Owen, but I can’t promise you about not hitting on anybody at the wedding. But I will make sure to ask their age first,” Jack answered wryly. 

Owen sighed.

“Actually, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that. I know that after Gwen you weren’t keen on getting into a serious relationship….” 

“Owen,” Jack said warningly, not wanting to get into this argument with the doctor yet again. But he still braced himself, knowing that it wouldn’t be that easy to derail Owen once he got going. 

“But it’s been more than four years Jack. And it’s not as if all of them were dogs. What about Estelle? She was a really nice girl and the prettiest thing. If I wasn’t seeing Tosh, I would have so gone after her,” Owen said. 

Jack pressed his fingers to his throbbing temples in irritation. Of course he remembered Estelle. She had made him happier than he had been in years. She was funny, gorgeous and Jack had been nuts about her. 

But when she confessed to wanting something more serious, Jack had promptly ended their relationship. When he closed his eyes sometimes, he could still see her tear-stained face as he walked out the door.

“You are one to talk Owen. What ever happened to love-em-and-leave-em? You are hardly the poster child for committed relationships,” Jack fired back. 

But Owen wasn’t the least taken aback by Jack’s angry response. Instead he just felt a prick of sympathy for his friend who had seemed so lost over the past few years. 

“Well, I finally found the one I didn’t want to leave didn’t I” Owen answered gruffly. “Also you were bloody insistent in ensuring that I didn’t throw away my relationship with Tosh by being an arse. That’s why you are my best man despite not having been around.”

Jack’s expression softened. It was true, he had helped Owen whenever the doctor had come to him ranting and raving about Toshiko. Despite his own jaded opinion on love, Jack had recognised how potentially happy she could make his friend. 

In fact, she was the best thing to have come along for Owen in a long time. That was why Jack had no qualms about slapping some sense into the doctor to make him stick it out. 

“You’re welcome,” Jack said pointedly. “And to answer your earlier question Owen, well…”

“Well what? They were too fat? Too thin? Had an unhealthy obsession with One Direction? What?” Owen grilled him. Jack frowned as he searched for an answer, finally settling on one that was the most truthful. 

“None of their eyes reflected the hues of the sky,” Jack said simply. 

For a minute there was silence on the other end of the line as Jack let his words sink in. 

Finally he heard Owen mutter angrily, “If you didn’t want to tell me, why didn’t you just say so instead of spouting rubbish.”

Jack chortled when Owen hung up abruptly knowing that it would be the last time the doctor would question him about his brief flings. But his good humour left him as quickly as it had come as he just sat there for a few minutes, continuously turning over his phone in his hand.

Without realising it, a ghost of a sad smile flickered across his face. But before it could register, Jack let out a measured breath and reached for the printers phone number. 

***

**Four months later**

Although she was usually fairly reserved when it came to open displays of emotion, Tosh couldn’t hold back a happy sigh as she stared at her reflection in the full-length mirror. A small smile touched her lips as she ran her hands down her sides, which now felt like liquid silk. 

“This is it, this is the one,” Tosh said firmly to herself as she gave a little twirl. But as she was still not used to the five-inch heels she was wearing, she stumbled a little at the end of her spin, almost knocking over her floor lamp. 

After steadying the light, Tosh shot a quick furtive glance around to make sure no one had heard her making an idiot of herself. She sighed in relief as murmurs continued to filter in from the hallway.

Even so, no one could fault her happiness. After months of searching, she had finally found the perfect wedding dress. The column dress was off-shoulder and the colour of champagne, which made her slightly tanned skin gleam. 

The designer had also gone easy on the matching taffeta, choosing only to use it on the bodice in the form of a fabric rose and as the train. Plus, the muted colour was a nice contrast to her colourful wedding kimono, which she was wearing for the tea ceremony. 

“Bastard!”

The curse jolted Tosh out of her reverie as she turned sharply in the direction of the noise. Her brow furrowed as she heard the sound of hurried footsteps followed by the slamming of a door. 

“Ianto,” Tosh hissed as her eyes narrowed. “Don’t tell me he got smacked _again_.”

Sure enough, when Ianto entered her bedroom a minute later with a slightly embarrassed expression on his face, his cheek bore a red handprint. 

“I think you’ll have to look for another seamstress Tosh,” Ianto said calmly as he fidgeted with the collar of his shirt, unwilling to look his friend in the eye. 

“For God’s sake Ianto, that is the fifth one you have pissed off! I’m running out of them in the phonebook,” Tosh reproached angrily with her arms crossed. 

“You know I don’t mean to Tosh, but it’s not my fault they are all incompetent,” Ianto said huffily. 

“Take this one for example, when she was shortening your dress, I saw that she had left it half an inch too long. I have no idea why she got so offended when I pointed it out. It’s a perfectly valid point, your heel is going to catch on the hem when you walk otherwise.”

“Probably because you used words like incompetent,” Tosh said exasperated. Gathering part of her skirt in her hands, Tosh stalked over towards Ianto ready to give him a piece of her mind.

“Ianto, I appreciate your eye for detail and all that, but surely half an inch won’t…”

But Tosh never got to finish her sentence as she felt her right heel snag the edge of her dress, twisting her ankle and causing her to fall headlong towards the floor. 

Luckily Ianto was close enough to catch her before she came to any harm. However, a minute later Tosh wished she had fallen when she caught the smug expression on his face. 

“You were saying?”

“Fine,” Tosh snapped as she straightened herself and smoothed the fabric down on her hips. “Since you are so all knowing, you measure my hem then so I can just send it to the shop.” 

Tosh glowered at her friend, who just nodded politely in return. But Ianto was nice enough to hide his triumphant smile behind his hand

“But next time, I will make sure not to introduce you to any more of my seamstresses,” she said shortly before turning back to face the mirror. 

“Anything for you, fair Toshiko,” Ianto said gallantly as he dropped to knees. As he reached for the sewing materials Tosh’s former seamstress had left behind, he made a mental note to return them to her later with a note of apology. 

She might have been hopeless at her job, but that wasn’t a reason to act uncouth Ianto reasoned. 

Tosh’s anger towards him dissolved when he started deftly pinning up her dress. She couldn’t be mad at the unexpectedly adorable sight of Ianto with pins in his mouth and a look of intense concentration on his face. 

“Do you… do you think Owen will like this dress?” Tosh asked tentatively, her hidden streak of insecurity unexpectedly pushing towards the surface. 

Ianto paused what he was doing in order to shoot her a reassuring smile. 

“Dr. Harper would be a right idiot not to fall in love with you all over again when he sees you in this Tosh,” Ianto said emphatically. “And I have to admit, I still find it strange to hear you call him Owen.”

“Why is that Ianto?” Tosh said distractedly, scrunching her face as she wondered what to do with her hair. 

“Nothing really, I… used to have this friend who also had a friend called Owen, who was also a doctor. I’ve often wondered if it was the same person,” Ianto said in a low tone. 

“Oh?” Tosh answered, suddenly aware of the subtle shift in Ianto’s mood. Her eyes softened in concern as Ianto hurriedly shook his head. 

“But I’m sure it’s not. Owen is a fairly common name and besides, he works at a different hospital,” Ianto said dismissively. The way he said it, told Tosh that he wasn’t willing to offer anymore details. 

“Regardless, I hope Owen turns out to be as good a husband as you were,” Tosh said kindly, swiftly changing the topic. “Although, I’m sure he’s nowhere as near as good with a needle and thread as you are.”

Ianto paused for a second before giving a dry chuckle. 

“Let me be honest with you Tosh, I really wasn’t such a good husband,” Ianto said quietly as he continued with adjusting her dress. “Because I fell in love with someone else while I was married.”

While Ianto’s brutally frank confession startled Tosh, it didn’t stun her. After all, Lisa had said as much herself before she died, that afternoon in Owen’s office all those years ago. 

“Is that so Ianto?” Tosh said calmly, her tone telling Ianto it was okay to continue on. That she wasn’t going to pass judgment on him no matter what he said. 

Sitting back on his haunches, Ianto looked up at her with grateful eyes. It was then Tosh realised how crushing it must have been for him to carry this secret around for years. What a relief it must have been to finally unburden himself. 

“Talk to me Ianto,” Tosh said with gentle encouragement. Ianto closed his eyes and nodded, sitting cross-legged on the floor. 

“I met him a couple of years into my marriage with Lisa. Although you don’t really need to know the details, we kept seeing each other off and on for about a year. But before you ask, I officially ended things with him when I found out that Lisa was sick.”

Ianto sighed as he picked up the scattered pins on the floor and turned his attention back to her dress. 

“I loved her enough Tosh to be loyal to her. So maybe you’re right, in that respect I was a good husband. But I wasn’t faithful, not by a long shot,” Ianto finished quietly. 

“Ianto… sweetheart,” Tosh said as she drew her friend closer so that his head was resting on her stomach. Ianto didn’t say anything for a few minutes, enjoying the oddly comforting feel of her hands on the back of his head and the cool material against his brow. 

“Ianto, I know you. You don’t just do things without reason, and you were there for her in the end, that is what matters,” Tosh said softly. 

Ianto gave a small laugh. 

“I know it’s not, but you really are sweet Tosh, thanks,” Ianto said, pushing himself backwards so that he could rest on his heels. Tosh smiled back as she lovingly ran a thumb across the apple of his check. 

“But I do pray to God that you never encounter this in your marriage Tosh,” Ianto said earnestly. Tosh nodded before bending down to kiss him on the forehead. 

“I wouldn’t be even near married if it wasn’t for you Ianto, never forget that,” she said firmly cupping his face in her hands. “Now get back to fixing my dress will you,” Tosh ordered in a superficially stern tone, hoping to break the heavy mood. 

“Your wish is my command,” Ianto answered with a chuckle. Tosh laughed along, but bit her lip as she pondered whether to ask him the question that had been at the back of her mind ever since that fateful conversation with Lisa.

“If you don’t mind me asking Ianto, why did you do it?” Tosh asked hesitantly. She felt Ianto’s hands falter at her question but he didn’t stop what he was doing.

“I honestly don’t know Tosh. He was just a force of nature, like a tidal wave hitting you square in the chest. All you could do was just ride it out, and try not to drown."

Tosh nodded at her friend’s metaphor, but she didn’t miss the shadow of emotion behind it.

“But if you don’t mind Tosh, I don’t feel like talking about it anymore,” Ianto said briskly as he slipped the last pin into place and got to his feet. 

“There… absolutely lovely,” Ianto said standing behind her and meeting Tosh’s eyes in the mirror. Tosh swallowed hard at his obvious happiness for her as she fought back the sudden urge to cry. 

“Lovely,” she admitted. She suddenly turned around and engulfed him in a warm hug.

“Come on Ianto, let me treat you to a coffee.”

***

It was only after they were nursing two lattes at Starbucks that Tosh remembered she had an important question to ask Ianto. 

“Actually Ianto, I wanted to ask a favour from you,” Tosh started offhandedly, not wanting her request to sound like a demand. 

“Anything Tosh. After all, I feel bad that I’m not around to help out more,” Ianto said encouragingly as he took a sip of his coffee and made a face. It always bewildered him how no one could get ever get the temperature of his drink right. 

“Well, I was just wondering… if you would give me away at the wedding,” Tosh asked, causing Ianto to almost drop his cup.

“You want me to… what?” Ianto said, certainly not expecting such an honour from his friend. While he had wondered who would give Tosh away as her father was no longer around, he knew first hand just how many male cousins she had. 

“I mean, I know I have plenty of relatives that could do it. But it would mean the world to me if you said yes,” Tosh said softly. “Besides mum practically considers you family anyway. She always said that you were the well-behaved son she never had.”

“True that,” Ianto chuckled, recalling how Tosh’s mum had lit up when he had insisted on giving her house a thorough weekly clean. She had practically fawned over him during the rest of the stay. 

Leaning forward, Ianto placed his hand over Tosh’s with a smile. 

“It would be my privilege Tosh. I’m so flattered that you would consider me.”

The brightness of Tosh’s smile mirrored his own and it made Ianto almost hesitant to look at his watch. But look he did, prompting a sigh from Tosh.

“Let me guess, you have to catch your train back to Cardiff right?” Tosh said in a resigned manner. When Ianto nodded, she added, “I wish you could stay longer during these visits of yours.”

“I wish I could as well Tosh, but you know me. Work calls, regrettably,” Ianto said apologetically.

“Can you at least stay for dinner? You’ll get to meet Owen’s best man. He’s single and quite a charmer, handsome as hell to boot.”

Ianto laughed at Tosh’s attempt at persuading him. But her face fell when he pulled a ticket out of his wallet. 

“Of course, you would have bought a return ticket,” Tosh said with a slight pout. 

“You know how demanding my job is Tosh, and you above all should appreciate the fact that I’m chained to my desk,” Ianto said with a raised eyebrow. “Besides, I will be back in a couple of weeks.”

Patting her hand yet again, Ianto pointed to her cup. “Now drink up, I don’t want to be late for my train.”

Tosh smirked. 

“Unlikely, you will probably be there half an hour before the train leaves.”

***

True enough, Ianto was resting comfortably in his seat twenty minutes before departure time. But he knew that Tosh would have probably gotten a kick out of the fact that the train was going to be delayed by half an hour. 

“If I ran the train company, there wouldn’t be such a thing as delays. Leaves or no leaves on the line,” Ianto glowered. 

But he was feeling a tad guilty over the white lie he had told Tosh earlier. Although it was true that work ate up most of his time, it wasn’t the reason why didn’t make the trip down so often. 

Truth was, Ianto was at his loneliest during the two hours or so it took for the train to reach Cardiff. Being alone with his thoughts was something Ianto always tried to avoid. 

That was why he usually listened to music on his phone or pulled something to read. If he was feeling particularly nervy, a drink from the bar car usually helped.

But today for some reason, he let his mind wander and watched the countryside blur as the train picked up speed. Staring at his reflection in the glass as the outside turned dark, Ianto pondered how much things had changed over the past four years. 

After taking three months of bereavement leave, Ianto went back to work feeling like a zombie. While he did his work well, it was clear to most around him that he was just going through the motions. 

When June announced that she was quitting six months later and the university heads decided that Ianto was to take her place, he did the only thing he could do. 

He promptly resigned and moved back to Cardiff. 

Ianto never looked back from that point. He had only moved to London to please Lisa he realised, and with her gone, there was little to keep him there. 

It had been daunting, uprooting his life on such short notice. So before he tied himself down with a new job, he followed Tosh to Tokyo for four months. After working for a year without a break, Tosh’s bosses had allowed her to take a leave of absence. 

The change of scenery had been good for Ianto. Being placed in an alien environment had forced him to come out of his apathetic shell, because if you didn’t, Tokyo was the sort of city that would have swallowed you whole.

It was also during that time Ianto had found out the real reason for Tosh wanting to take such a long leave, and his name was Owen Harper. You could have knocked Ianto over with a feather when Tosh finally told him.

While he still had his doubts about the doctor, he couldn’t deny how in love Tosh was with him. But knowing Owen the way he did, he had insisted she set boundaries around him early. 

In the end, Ianto was happy that something so good had come out of Lisa’s death. 

After returning to the UK, Ianto quickly found a job similar to his old one at Cardiff University, got promoted three months later and settled into a comfortable routine. 

The only thing that had irked him at first was how his new colleagues had insisted on matchmaking him with their single friends. But they soon got the hint after Ianto had pointedly turned down invite after invite. 

He had loved two people during his short life, and that was enough for now. 

They probably still thought that Ianto was still grieving for Lisa, and he was content to let them draw their own conclusions. 

Not that he didn’t miss Lisa, he did. But when he thought of her these days, it was like trying to remember the colour of yesterday’s sky. You knew it was blue but the exact shade escaped you. 

In the months following her death, Ianto had wrestled with his guilt night after night. However, he knew now that he would have asked for a divorce anyway if she hadn’t fallen sick. 

It wasn’t that he regretted marrying her either, rather he just regretted marrying so young. He married her because at that time, he was sure that was what love was and it was what he wanted. 

A white picket fence… a house in the suburbs… kids. He didn’t realise he had missed the passionate aspect of love, until passion found him a few years later. And he accepted now that not hurting her was simply not an option after he met Jack. 

But it was fitting that he had married her because he thought it was the right thing to do, and he had stayed with her for the same reason. And loyalty ran deep because even now, a substantial chunk of his paycheck went to her Aunt Olivia.

While it was his way of making things right, Ianto wasn’t looking for absolution that he knew would never come. His guilt had just become a part of his armour now, part of the front he presented to the world. 

He would die with this regret on his chest, and he was fine with that. 

Yes a lot of things had changed, Ianto thought as he continued to stare out the window. Well, all except one. 

He still missed Jack. 

It wasn’t a constant ache, but it came regularly enough to surprise him. He thought about the captain whenever there was a lull moment at work, or when he visited his favourite coffee place, a cleverly named hipster cafe called “A Shot In The Dark.” 

“But then, you are a hard one to forget Jack Harkness,” Ianto chuckled to himself, but his smile slipped away a minute later. Instinctively his hand went to the chain around his neck, from the end of which dangled his original wedding ring. 

He had found it among the burnt out candles at Lisa’s grave the day following her funeral, when he went to clean up. No prizes for guessing who left it there.

“What are you up to Jack? Still traveling the world? Still sweeping people off their feet? Do I ever cross your mind I wonder?” Ianto mused as he rested his knuckles on the window and leaned against his open palm.

This one-sided conversation was the last thought Ianto had before he fell asleep. 

***

**Two Months Later**

Jack plastered a smile on his face as he fought the urge to run. The church was already half-full as people continued to stream in, which it made it even harder to spot his target. The dim late evening sunlight pouring through the stained glass windows, casting everything in shadow didn’t help either. 

“Excuse me,” Jack stopped an alter boy who happened to be passing by. “Did you happen to see Dr. Harper anywhere?”

“I’m sure I saw him in the back room Captain Harkness. But I’m not completely sure because he seemed to be cowering in the corner.”

_Fuck_. “Thank you,” Jack said before speedily making his way to the room at the back. He was acutely aware that time was not on his side as he barged through the door and found the doctor in huddled heap. 

“There you are! For fuck’s sake Owen, you can’t just disappear like that,” Jack hissed at the other man as he tried to drag him to his feet. Owen glared at him from his position on the floor. 

“You shouldn’t swear in church Jack,” Owen said churlishly as he pulled away. 

“You shouldn’t piss-off an hour before you’re supposed to be taking your vows either,” Jack scolded as he dropped to his knees. 

Although clearly irritated, Jack had actually been expecting the doctor to pull a stunt like this. Owen was already the jittery sort, and not being able to see his bride when he needed her most because tradition dictated it was just dangerous 

Hence why Jack had watched him like a hawk for the past two days. Only to have Owen make his escape when the captain went to change into his tux. 

“I can’t do this Jack, I’m not ready,” Owen said desperately as he started pacing around the room. 

“Pull yourself together Owen,” Jack admonished, roughly tugging on various points of Owen’s suit in order to straighten it out. “Remember what you told me six months ago? You found a girl you didn’t want to leave? Remember that?”

“Six months ago I was sure! And now I’m… I’m…”

“This calls for drastic measures,” Jack thought grimly as he saw Owen start to hyperventilate. Grabbing the doctor by his lapels, Jack pulled him close and planted a firm kiss on his lips. 

Owen’s eyes widened and he sputtered when Jack eventually let him free 

“What the fuck was that for?!” Owen swore, disgustedly wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “Do you have some kink for married men or something Harkness?”

“Aha! You said married, which means your panic attack passed. Besides, you should feel honoured that your last kiss as a single man was given to me,” Jack said with a wicked smirk as he ran his hand through his hair in a dramatic fashion. 

“You really are an arrogant shit aren’t you? I’m definitely ready to be married now since it means I will never have to kiss you again,” Owen said brusquely, but his expression belied his harsh tone. “Thanks Jack.”

“Anytime,” Jack said, giving Owen a brotherly punch in the shoulder. He raised an eyebrow when the heard the organ started to play and reached for Owen’s arm. 

“Showtime.” 

Jack kept his hand on Owen’s shoulder even after the two men made their way to the front of the altar, lending him his silent support as the organ music began to play. The captain breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Owen crack one of his rare smiles as the doors opened and Tosh walked in. 

“God, she’s beautiful Jack,” Owen breathed. Jack grinned, he had a feeling he wouldn’t have to worry about Owen bolting anymore. 

Glad to have that settled, Jack finally felt secure enough to tear his eyes away from his friend. Straightening himself to his full height, Jack looked to the front fully expecting to see Tosh on the arm of an elderly Japanese man. 

So you could imagine his surprise when he saw Ianto instead. 

***

“What the fuck is Jack doing here?” Ianto thought incredulously. It took every inch of self-control he had not to do an about face and dash out the door. 

“You okay?” Tosh whispered out of the corner of her mouth when she felt Ianto stiffen under her hand. 

“I’m fine,” Ianto lied even though his knees felt like they were going to give way any second. But still he persevered, knowing that doing anything rash would spoil Tosh’s special day. 

Not to mention she would have probably killed him if he suddenly decided to ditch her in the middle of the church. 

“This is what you get for not showing up to rehearsals Ianto, you stupid fuck,” Ianto berated himself as he continued the slow walk up the aisle.

Given his reluctance to make so many trips down, Ianto had planned it so he didn’t have to be there any earlier than he needed to be. After all, it wasn’t as if his part needed much practice. 

And now he was paying for his reticence. But on the bright side, Ianto was glad to see that Jack was looking as blindsided as he was, his mouth slightly agape.

“At least I’m not the only one who had the rug pulled out from under him,” Ianto thought as he saw Owen roughly nudge dumbstruck Jack in the ribs. 

Thankfully they made it to the front of the church without much incident. But Ianto kept his gaze firmly to the side as the priest started the service, not trusting himself to look at the captain.

After all, it had been Ianto noticing those piercing blue eyes that had started everything in the first place. 

“Who gives this bride away?” 

At the priest’s voice, Ianto abandoned his mulling over his own inner turmoil and snapped to attention. 

“I do,” Ianto responded clearly. As he said the words, he couldn’t help but look the captain in the eye and felt a flush of heat spread across the back of his neck. 

But at least with his part done, Ianto could gratefully stagger to the nearest seat to try and bring down his racing pulse. However, he knew that any relief he felt would be brief as there still was the reception to follow. 

Resisting the urge to put his head in his hands, Ianto groaned inwardly. 

How was he going to make it through the rest of the night? 

***

“What’s the matter with you?” Owen admonished when he found Jack walking in circles in one corner of the hotel’s garden. It was after dinner and Owen had been more than a little put out when he saw Jack disappear without a word as he and Tosh took to the floor. 

At his voice, Jack turned to face Owen with his hands balled into fists. Usually the uncharacteristically angry expression on Jack’s face would have made Owen flinch, but at the moment he was just confused. 

“Why didn’t you tell me Tosh’s friend was Lisa?” Jack said through gritted teeth as he advanced on the doctor. But Owen wasn’t the type to back down, even from Jack. 

“Why does it matter?” Owen asked, puzzled and starting to get annoyed himself. The feeling deepened when Jack turned away so Owen was effectively talking to his back. 

“Were you at her funeral perchance?” Jack asked quietly, not answering Owen’s question as scenes from that day scrolled through his mind. Although the exact details were understandably fuzzy, one important thought pushed to the forefront. 

He now remembered fleetingly seeing someone that looked uncannily like the doctor, but he had been so preoccupied with getting to Ianto he hadn’t bothered to really pursue it. 

“Yes, but I wasn’t there for very long. Jack, what is going on?!” Owen said exasperated as he walked in front of the captain and grabbed him . “How did you know Lisa? What about her funeral?”

For a long moment, Jack just stared at Owen with a blank expression on his face. 

“I didn’t know Lisa, but I do know Ianto,” Jack confessed softly. Owen’s brow furrowed, this was making less and less sense to him.

“So what if you know Ianto? What does this have to do with… oh,” Owen trailed off as realisation suddenly hit him like a ton of bricks. Letting the captain go, he took a step back, flabbergasted. 

“It was him wasn’t it? Ianto was the reason you ended things with Gwen wasn’t he?” Owen said knowingly, his words more a statement than a question. 

“Yes, but it’s over now. It was over the minute she got sick,” Jack said quietly. “It was years ago Owen, so if you are preparing yourself for some kind of ‘screwing with married men’ speech, save it. I’m not in the mood to hear it.”

Jack punctuated his sentence by sitting down hard on a nearby bench, his elbows on his knees as he stared down at his feet. Owen shook his head as he took in the American’s stance. 

“It’s clearly not Jack. I mean, I reckon he’s also the reason you’ve been shying away from relationships as much as you have,” Owen said as he sat down next to his friend, mimicking his pose.

“You a shrink now as well as a doctor? You know how psychiatrists and I don’t mix,” Jack said with a hint of self-deprecation. Owen shot his friend a half-smile.

“I’m not going to analyse you Jack, we’d be here all fucking night if I were. Neither am I going to ask you why, although I admit I’m dying to know. But then you always were a pervert.”

Jack couldn’t help but laugh at Owen’s frankness as the doctor clapped him on the shoulder. 

“But you are my friend, and believe it or not, I am occasionally concerned about you. Do you… still care for him?” Owen asked tentatively. Jack fidgeted a little under the doctor’s touch, but he knew that it would be pointless to lie. 

“Maybe,” Jack said with a small shrug. Owen sighed. 

“Then maybe you should go talk to him instead of hiding here. I mean, I don’t know how badly you burned the bridge with him, but at least you can say you tried all you could to salvage the friendship,” Owen said wisely. 

Owen was right in some respects, but Jack also knew that the doctor wasn’t aware of the whole story. 

“You don’t understand Owen, he blames himself for what happened to Lisa. He blames his weakness for wanting to be with me as the reason for it.”

Jack lifted his head to look at Owen, his blue eyes so dark they almost looked cobalt. 

“How can anyone ever forgive themselves after that?” Jack asked quietly. With that, Jack stood up and was about to walk away from the doctor when Owen spoke. 

“I was her doctor Jack, I know better than anyone that we did the best we could do. But sometimes shit happens and it’s no ones fault,” Owen said. 

Jack closed his eyes, he so wanted to believe the doctor’s words but he knew that all the reasoning in the world wouldn’t bring Lisa back or ease Ianto’s guilt. 

“I don’t think he will have me Owen,” Jack said softly before disappearing into the shadows. 

***

“So this is where you are! I’ve been looking all over for you.”

Ianto flinched as he heard Tosh’s mildly miffed voice come from behind him. He had been hiding out on the balcony of the hotel, nursing a flute of champagne as he stared at the crowds of people passing through the lobby. 

“Sorry Tosh, I just needed some air,” Ianto apologised. “In my defense, I tried to wait until you didn’t need me anymore.”

“Hey, it’s okay, I was just wondering where you bolted to,” Tosh said as she leaned on the balcony next to him. “Truth is, I was looking for an opportunity to hide as well, Owen’s relatives can get a little… overwhelming,” Tosh chuckled. 

Swiping his glass from him, she drained the last dregs of the champagne with a contented sigh. Ianto smiled at her antics, but his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. 

“Plus, it wasn’t just you who vanished. Jack, Owen’s best man, also decided to make himself scarce for some reason. Owen is looking for him right now.”

Ianto shivered despite it being only July. 

“I… know Jack. Maybe too well in fact,” Ianto said quietly. It only took twenty seconds for the meaning behind Ianto’s words to sink in causing Tosh’s head to snap to the side.

“You mean…he’s the one?” Tosh said in disbelief. “What a…”

“Kick-in-the-balls coincidence? I thought the same earlier when I was giving you away and saw him standing next to Owen. It was like a scene out of some idiotic divine comedy don’t you think?” Ianto said, his tone devoid of any mirth. 

“Ianto, don’t be so hard on yourself,” Tosh implored kindly as she took Ianto’s hand in hers, rubbing her thumb over his knuckles. 

“I thought I was over him, really Tosh. But whenever I see him, its like I can’t ever forget about the time we spent together. I don’t know why I just can’t give up the ghost,” Ianto said his voice hard as his free hand gripped the balcony. 

Tosh licked her lips as she stared at anguished Ianto, her mind tossing and turning as to whether to give up Lisa’s last secret. But when Ianto buried his face in his hands, Tosh knew what she had to do.

“I’m sorry Lisa,” she silently apologised to her lost friend. “But I’m sure you wouldn’t want Ianto suffering like this.”

“Lisa knew Ianto,” Tosh said in a rush before her courage could leave her. “She knew about you and Jack.”

“Did she?” Ianto said almost indifferently. “I figured she might have. I could have sworn there were times she wanted to talk to me about it but she never did.”

“Because she was scared to face the truth Ianto, the same way you are now,” Tosh turned to her side so she could get a clearer look at her friend. “I saw Jack’s face too when we were walking up the aisle. I wondered what had him so rattled but I know now.”

Putting her arms around Ianto, Tosh rested her head against his shoulder. 

“There is still something there Ianto. And believe me if both of your feelings were so strong, I think you should give it a second chance… they don’t come along very often,” Tosh said softly. 

“What are you saying Tosh?” Ianto asked tonelessly.

“I’m saying I don’t condone what you did. But Lisa was selfish as well, even if she had the right to be. Human beings are flawed, and we all do things that we aren’t proud of. It’s no reason to punish yourself for the rest of your life however.”

Ianto sighed and pulled away slightly. Brushing her hair out her eyes, Tosh saw his Adam’s apple move as he swallowed hard. 

“I don’t know Tosh,” Ianto finally confessed

“You once told me that he was like a tidal wave. Now thinking back… knowing all you know… would you still jump into the water?” Tosh asked bluntly. 

Ianto didn’t even have time to blink before the answer slipped out. 

“Headfirst.”

He eyes widened as he realised what he had just said. But Tosh wasn’t surprised in the least. 

“I think you have your answer Ianto,” Tosh said as she affectionately kissed him on the cheek. She then turned on her heel and walked back into the hotel, leaving Ianto alone to ponder over his thoughts. 

***

“Cab sir?”

Ianto nodded at the concierge as he stepped out of the hotel. He breathed a sigh of relief that the evening was finally over. Owen and Tosh had finally gone up to enjoy their honeymoon suite, which allowed Ianto to make his escape. 

Funnily enough though, Ianto hadn’t run into the captain at all throughout the reception. Truth be told, Ianto had tried to be inconspicuous, sequestering himself in a corner with one of Tosh’s cousins that he had gotten to know better when in Japan. 

Even so, he hadn’t seen the captain at all in the crowd, an observation that left him feeling saddened for some reason. Maybe it was because after this, he had no idea when he would see the captain ever again. 

“Where are you heading to?” the concierge asked. 

“The Wentworth in Paddington,” Ianto said. The concierge nodded as he pulled the phone to his ear. After speaking to the cab company for a few minutes, he turned back to Ianto with an apologetic look on his face. 

“You will have to wait for about an hour though sir. I mean, it is Saturday night, so cabs are hard to come by especially so far out of town,” he said. 

Ianto was about to open his mouth to say it was okay when he heard a familiar American drawl interrupt their conversation.

“I can take you if you want,” Jack said. Ianto’s shoulders stiffened as he slowly turned around to face the captain, who was looking at him with an unreadable expression on his face. 

“I wouldn’t like to bother you Captain Harkness,” Ianto said politely, even as cold band suddenly decided to wrap itself around his stomach.

Jack waved away Ianto’s protest as he handed the valet his card. 

“It’s no trouble Ianto, I’m headed that way anyway,” Jack said. “Wouldn’t like to leave you here all alone… I mean, what would Tosh say?” he added with a wink. 

Without thinking, Ianto rolled his eyes. It appeared that some things never did change. 

But he was still at a loss for words as Jack’s SUV pulled up and the jockey opened the door for the captain. Jack smiled as he tipped the valet, but stopped after he had gotten one foot in the car. 

“You coming Ianto? I promise I won’t try anything,” Jack said gently, sounding almost like a repentant teenager. Against his will, Ianto nodded as the corners of his lips lifted upwards. 

“I will hold you to that captain,” Ianto said as he got into the passenger seat. 

But the light mood between them disappeared almost instantly as Jack pulled out of the hotel’s driveway.

For almost half an hour both men said nothing as an awkward silence filled in the gaps between them. But Jack’s eyes kept darting to the side as Ianto stared out the window so that the captain couldn’t gauge his mood. 

“It was a nice wedding wasn’t it? I mean, I’m glad Owen and Tosh finally went through with it,” Jack finally said, unable to bear the quiet anymore. 

“It was,” Ianto replied politely, but he didn’t add anything further. He didn’t even shift around to acknowledge the captain’s presence. 

Biting back a sigh, Jack opened his mouth to make more meaningless small talk when saw a line of angry red taillights greet him when he turned the corner. 

“A traffic jam? At this time of the night?” Jack said puzzled. Even Ianto sat up as he surveyed the stretch of bumper-to-bumper cars in front of him.

“That is strange,” Ianto frowned as he fiddled with Jack’s radio, searching for the traffic channel, pausing only when he heard the announcer mention the highway that they were on. 

“Traffic is currently at a standstill due to a special ops investigation into an incident that occurred a few hours ago. It will take a couple of hours before traffic is back to normal,” said the announcer. 

“Well that is just bloody great isn’t it?” Ianto swore as he slumped back into his seat. Jack clearly wasn’t pleased about it either as his mouth set in a grim line. But as he caught a sign by the side of the road, his eyes lit up. 

“There is a pretty big RnR about five kilometers from here. Instead of sitting here numbing our asses, why don’t you and I get a drink and wait this thing out?” Jack asked carefully. 

Ianto instantly clammed up again, but his shoulders lifted in a tiny shrug. It was all the encouragement Jack needed to flick his indicator. 

***

Luckily there was a Wetherspoons open at the rest stop, which was filled with people that clearly the same idea. Jack insisted on buying the first round, not that Ianto had protested much. His nerves were still very much on edge from being around the captain. 

Ianto hadn’t meant to be so rude in the car, but truthfully what was there to say? The younger man was a great believer in speaking with a purpose, but as always, Jack left him tongue-tied. 

“Whisky okay with you?” Jack said as he placed two glasses in front of him. Nodding, Ianto grabbed the drink and downed half of it in one gulp. Jack raised an eyebrow was he took a more leisurely sip. 

“Thank you Jack,” Ianto said, squirming a little when Jack placed its bare on the table. Ianto couldn’t stop his itchy fingers from pulling out the coasters, frowning only when he saw the captain laughing at him. 

“What’s so funny Jack?” Ianto almost snapped. 

“What is it with you, me and weddings Ianto?” Jack chuckled as that familiar twinkle in his eye returned. “I mean, can’t you see how bloody ironic this all is.”

Ianto was about to fire back when the absurdity of the situation struck him as well. He laughed sheepishly into his glass. 

“Fuck if I know Jack,” Ianto replied, his mouth curved into his first genuine smile of the evening. 

“I’m sorry…” they both started and stopped. Ianto swallowed hard as the captain nodded for him to go first. 

“I don’t know what I’m apologising for really Jack. Maybe I’m just sorry that we went through so much shit, that I seriously messed up your life and Gwen’s,” Ianto said earnestly.

“Hey it takes two to tango Ianto, I hardly pushed you away did I?” Jack said with a wink as he lifted his glass to his lips. “In that way we were both wrong, and a lot of people got hurt because we didn’t stop.” 

“You’re right,” Ianto agreed, idly tracing the rim of his glass. 

“But, I wouldn’t worry too much about Gwen. She just got married to a great guy, Rhys is his name and they certainly have no qualms about spending my money,” Jack said dryly. 

At Ianto’s questioning look, Jack added, “And no, I’m not going to tell you how much she hit me for. You would probably insist on paying half or something stupid like that. I know you.”

“Well it was half my fault,” Ianto pressed but Jack gave him a hard look that stopped him from saying anymore. Instead Ianto just lifted his tumbler of whisky and clinked it against the captain’s.

“Cheers Jack,” Ianto said. 

“Cheers,” Jack responded, draining his glass before leaning forward. “So what have you been doing for the past four years?”

“Work,” Ianto said shortly but the softness in those blue-grey eyes told Jack he was teasing. “Traveling a little, I stayed in Tokyo with Tosh for a few months.”

“Was it like I described?” Jack asked, leaning against his hand.

“It was exactly like you said Jack, everything was orderly, everything ran on time,” Ianto sighed with an almost blissful expression on his face. 

“Sounds like your idea of heaven,” Jack said dryly. “In comparison, I was posted to Dubai for the past two years. You should really visit it, especially the Burj Al-Arab, amazing hotel.”

“You’ve told me that before, remember that night…” Ianto stopped abruptly and suddenly shrunk back into his chair. But Jack wasn’t willing to let the conversation stop as he scrabbled for an anecdote outrageous enough to push aside Ianto’s reminiscing.

“The helicopter pad was especially interesting. I also briefly dated this oil merchant with a penchant for sex in high places… if you know what I mean,” Jack said with a dirty smirk. 

“You didn’t,” Ianto said his eyes widening slightly. Jack’s grin was almost blinding as he placed his elbows on the table. 

“Sit back and let me tell you…”

***

And tell him he did, in full gory detail that had Ianto call him insufferable. But it served its purpose and Ianto never brought up the topic of that night again. 

But they did catch up on each other’s lives, talking for hours until the crowd at the pub had thinned considerably. It was only when Jack noticed it had turned two that he suggested they get back to town. 

However, Jack couldn’t help but note that Ianto also seemed reluctant to leave, but the younger man also agreed that the jam had probably cleared up. 

While they didn’t speak much on the drive back to London, this time the silence was companionable and not chokingly thick like when they had started. Jack was more than a little disappointed when they pulled up to the lobby of Ianto’s hotel. 

“Thanks for the ride Jack, and the drink. It’s been great catching up with you… really,” Ianto emphasised the last word as he unbuckled his seatbelt. Despite everything that had happened, it did mean a lot to Ianto to be able to mend the broken bond between them. 

“Sorry if I was a complete dick to you before.”

“Think nothing of it,” Jack said, but a part of him didn’t want Ianto to leave yet. The selfish part of him said it was cruel to gain a taste of the friendship that had drawn him to Ianto to begin with, only to let it go. 

“Ianto,” Jack said abruptly as the younger man put one foot out the door. 

“Yes captain?” Ianto asked as he perched on the edge of the seat with an expectant look on his face. Jack steeled himself to speak only to falter when he opened his mouth. 

“When… when are you heading back to Cardiff?” he finally asked, at a loss of what else to say, his usual cocky confidence deserting him. 

“Monday, I have some things to settle here first. Will you… will you be around?” Ianto said calmly, praying that his edginess didn’t show. He felt a little crushed when Jack shook his head, he would have liked another drink with the captain. 

“I’m flying tomorrow, have to be in Dubai for a week to also settle some things,” Jack said, regret tingeing his tone. 

“Well, I will see you around then Jack,” Ianto said as he exited the car. When the door closed with a slam, Jack leaned against the steering wheel as he exhaled slowly. 

But he sat up again when he heard a sharp rap on the window. 

“Jack,” Ianto started, as he motioned for the captain to wind down the window. 

“Yes Ianto?” Jack said obligingly, leaning forward to rest his forearm against the seat.

“I just wanted to tell you… what I mean is…” but Ianto was also at a loss for words. 

“What are you going to tell him Ianto? That you might want to start things with him again? Have you forgotten Lisa?” a voice taunted him in his head. 

“I’m not doing anything wrong,” another voice fought back. “Lisa wouldn’t begrudge me finding someone else, even if it Jack.”

Though not religious by any stretch of the imagination, a part of Ianto stupidly wanted a sign, something to show him that what he was about to do was okay. That he wasn’t about to make a mistake. 

But it became clear that none was forthcoming. And as sense returned to the younger man, Ianto cringed inwardly at how stupid it sounded.

“Ianto… are you alright?” Jack asked concerned. Ianto inwardly shook his head and hastily pulled himself together. 

“I just wanted to say, safe trip captain. Come back in one piece,” Ianto said with his public schoolboy persona firmly in place even though the last thing he felt like doing was smiling. 

Ianto drew a sharp breath. Was it his imagination or did a flicker of disappointment cross the captain’s face. But it passed so quickly, Ianto wasn’t sure if he had seen it or it was a trick of the light. 

“Thanks, you have a safe one as well,” Jack replied, not realising that he was also forcing a smile. 

“Take care Jack,” Ianto said as he stepped away from the car. 

Winding up the window, Jack watched Ianto walk through the doors of the hotel before pressing his foot to the gas and speeding off. 

***

_Well, here we are again, I guess it must be fate, _  
_We’ve tried it on our own, but deep inside we’ve known,_   
_We’d be back to set things straight,_  
_Every memory repeats, every step I take retreats,_   
_Every journey always brings me back to you. (9)_

***


	14. ~Epilogue~

***

**Two Days Later**

Linda Johnston still hated her job. She was still overworked, but thankfully she was at least well paid given her recent promotion. But while work was still tedious and a chore, Linda didn’t gripe about it as much these days. 

Because she had a reason for working now, Linda thought as she gazed down at her ever-expanding bump. Closing her eyes, she ran a hand over the taut skin, smiling when she felt her unborn son give a small kick. 

“Well, aren’t you absolutely glowing?”

Linda opened her eyes and turned to the door when a distinct Welsh accent penetrated her happy daze. Her heart skipped a beat a little when she saw Ianto leaning against the doorjamb, dressed in a black v-necked t-shirt and jeans. His hair was a little shorter but he was just as handsome as she remembered. 

“Hey, just because I’m married doesn’t mean I can't look,” she justified to herself cheekily. 

“Ianto Jones, you’re looking pretty fine yourself,” she responded out loud, bracing her hand on her desk to stand up. 

“Please, don’t get up on my account. Didn’t you tell me your only a few weeks away from your due date?” Ianto chided as he helped her back onto her chair. “Why are you still working anyway?”

“I’m pregnant, not immobile Ianto,” she responded with a playful swat to his shoulder. “Also, I plan to work until I deliver, that way I can maximise my maternity leave.”

“Speaking of which, Sharon sends her regards and these,” Ianto said as he hoisted a plastic bag on her desk, which bore a blue-green label that said Mothercare. 

As Linda gleefully rummaged through the contents of the bag, Ianto took a slow look around his old office, bittersweet nostalgia flooding his veins. He smiled briefly when his eyes rested on what used to be his desk, now apparently a makeshift storage site for old files. 

Was it so long ago that Jack came to visit? It felt like it had only happened a few months ago, not years Ianto mused. 

“You shouldn’t have Ianto, this must be out of the way for you,” Linda said as she held up a milk bottle. 

“It’s the least I could do. I never properly thanked you for introducing me to Sharon. It took me so long to find my own place, I was scared she was going to kick me out,” Ianto joked, remembering the couple of months he had to bunk with Linda’s friend. 

“Nonsense, she said you were an absolute delight to be around. If you ask me, I think she has a bit of a crush on you,” Linda teased, but her happy expression was tinged with concern. 

“How are you coping though, since Lisa passed away? I never got the chance to ask you.”

“I’m fine, don't worry about me. It’s nice working at my old university, I can make people sweat for once and not the other way around,” Ianto said as he leaned against a desk. 

“I bet you’re running it like a drill sergeant. But anyway, I thank you for bringing me this, and Dominick thanks you as well.”

“You and Peter decided on a name then?” Ianto said as he came closer. After asking silently whether it was okay, Ianto put his hand on her tummy. A look of pure pleasure crossed his face when he felt the baby move.

“He’s very active today. And don’t worry love, I’m sure one day you will have one of your own,” she said kindly taking in the wistful look in his eyes. “Are you making friends okay in Cardiff?”

Ianto nodded as he stood up. 

“I’ve settled into a nice routine, but still I do miss my friends here,” Ianto confessed. 

“I’m sure it must be hard, especially since your best friend is staying here isn’t he?” Linda asked as she took a sip of her tea. 

“What do you mean best friend?” Ianto asked confused. 

“That bloke I always used to see you hang out with at the coffee place down the street. Brown hair? Blue eyes? Seriously cute… although I don’t expect a lad like you to really notice that,” Linda said. 

“Oh, you mean Jack?” Ianto said as realisation dawned. He looked away as a melancholic smile touched his lips and added, “I do agree with you, he’s very handsome and he knows it sadly.”

“Are you going to meet him now?” Linda asked offhandedly as a new message in her inbox caught her eye. Hence why she didn’t notice Ianto sharply turning around on his heel to face her. 

“Why would you think that Linda?” Ianto replied, trying to sound casual even as his pulse quickened considerably. 

“Because I saw him… at the coffee place. About half an hour ago, I assumed he was waiting for you,” Lisa said, over her shoulder as she started typing a reply to her email. 

For a minute Ianto just stood there dumbstruck as flashes of emotion burst in his chest. He could have sworn that Jack told him he was flying, that he wouldn’t be in London for at least a week. 

“A sign Ianto, was that what you were looking for?” a voice whispered in his head. Ianto closed his eyes, as he waited for that all familiar prick of guilt to follow. For that warring voice, telling him that he should let it go. 

When it didn’t come, it was then Ianto knew that it was time for him to stop fighting. 

“I’d better not keep him waiting then,” Ianto said with a smile. But before he left, he spontaneously dropped a kiss on Linda’s cheek, causing her to jump slightly. 

“What was that for? Not that I’m complaining,” Linda said, colouring prettily. 

“It was just a thank you Linda,” Ianto said. “Do me a favour and Whatsapp me your address will you? I want to get something for little Dominic. Message me when he’s born okay?”

“Will do, Ianto,” she said softly as he grabbed his coat and made his way out of the door, stopping only to blow her a kiss. 

After he had left, Linda touched her cheek and sighed at what could have been. But the feeling soon disappeared when Dominick decided to give a particularly hard kick. After giving him a comforting pat, she swung her chair around and went back to work. 

***

Jack sighed as he glanced at his watch. He had been waiting for exactly fifteen minutes for his coffee, which he was sure had been sitting on the counter for the past ten minutes.

“Why do I still come to this place,” Jack groused lightly as he turned back to the paper. Jack hadn’t been amused to find that on his return to London that the previous owners of the café had sold it to a young couple that had more flash than sense. 

The new owners had not only completely repainted the place in a more contemporary style in order to attract the younger crowd, they had removed most of the tables to make way for bean bags. 

Hence why Jack was reluctant to get the coffee himself, he didn’t want to lose his seat. To make matters worse, the coffee was now sub-par. 

But still Jack was reluctant to find another watering hole. He had a lot of fond memories here, and that was enough to make him grin and bear all the changes. 

“I do hope to get my drink sometime today though,” Jack sighed as he turned the page. He was so engrossed in his reading that he didn’t notice a familiar figure bring two mugs to his table. 

“May I have this seat?” 

“Of course you… Ianto?” Jack said, almost dropping his newspaper in surprise as he saw a familiar pair of blue-grey eyes looking at him. But Ianto hardly seemed fazed as he took the seat opposite him. 

“Afternoon captain,” Ianto said calmly as he pushed the cup towards the American. But Jack was still too much in a state of surprise to take it. 

“What are you doing here?”

“I should ask you that question,” Ianto said pointedly. “I thought you said you were leaving for Dubai.”

“I was, but then the person who I was supposed to train cancelled on me. How… how did you know I was here?” Jack asked, wondering if he was dreaming. But when he touched the coffee cup and felt the solid porcelain under his fingers, he knew that he wasn’t. 

“My ex-colleague saw you and told me, not on purpose mind you. But I figured, what were the chances?” Ianto said quietly, running a fingertip down the handle of his own cup.

“I mean, what is the possibility that I would get another chance to see you. To tell you what I should have that night of the wedding,” Ianto continued bravely, but Jack didn’t fail to notice the slight tremble in his hand. 

In order to cover it up, Ianto quickly took a sip of his coffee only to want to spit it out a second later. 

“What on earth happened to their coffee?” Ianto said in disgust. 

“New owners, they changed things… what were you about to say?” Jack answered, slightly anxious to know what the younger man had to say. 

“If it’s so crap, why do you come here? Seriously Jack…”

“Ianto...”

Without thinking, Jack reached across to take Ianto’s hand into his. He could feel the rapid beat of Ianto’s heart beneath the paper-thin skin, and his own pulse sped up in response. 

“Will you stop about the coffee? What did you want to tell me?” Jack said with soft encouragement. But instead of replying, Ianto just sat there silently for a few minutes before taking a deep shuddery breath. 

“That I think what we had was too good to simply throw away. And I was wondering if you felt the same way,” Ianto said simply, once again laying himself bare for the captain. 

“I don’t know if I even have the right to ask you this Jack. It’s been so long and you’ve probably moved on by now. And it’s not as if what we had was perfect, plus you said that you didn’t want anything more to do with relationships…”

Ianto knew he was babbling but the words just seemed to pour forth on their own violation. Thankfully Jack managed to silence him with a hard squeeze of his hand. 

“Ianto… I know I told you that relationships weren’t for me. But you must remember, that was five years ago, people change,” Jack said. 

“I had a lot of time to think when I was away and it made me realise that it wasn’t relationships that I had a problem with it was labels. I didn’t want to be someone’s fiancé, someone’s boyfriend. I have a hard enough time keeping myself together.”

Jack suddenly let go of Ianto’s hand, leaving him feeling bereft. But something in his eyes made a feeling of hope catch at the base of his throat. 

“And given all we’ve been through, I don’t think conventional titles work for us quite frankly. What I can tell you, is that I’ve never come across eyes like yours although I have tried looking,” Jack finished softly. 

Despite Jack’s serious tone, Ianto couldn’t help but give a small laugh. 

“Are you always this romantic captain?” Ianto asked amused, his eyes never leaving the American’s face. 

“Did it work?” Jack responded with a smirk and a wink. However, the mood quickly shifted when the captain leaned back with an expectant look on his face. 

“Is that enough of an answer for you Ianto? Because at this moment, that is all I can really offer you,” Jack said quietly. 

Even though it was noisy around them, it hardly registered for Ianto. 

“Is it enough?” Ianto thought. The more sensible part of him wanted something more concrete, but as the captain looked at him intently, the answer suddenly became clear. 

At one point in time, Ianto accepted all the sides of Jack without question and this was no different.

Devil-may-care Jack sometimes frustrated him.

Perceptive Jack amazed him. 

Sensual Jack made him melt with just a kiss. 

In the end it made no difference, because it was just…_Jack_.

“It’s all I could ask for really,” Ianto answered and smiled when he saw the captain’s shoulders noticeably relax. Leaning forward, Ianto whispered something into the captain’s ear, making his skin go off in tingles.

“May I kiss you?” he asked, the words a familiar echo from so many years ago. 

Jack grinned as he turned his head so that their faces were barely a hairsbreadth apart. 

“Why do you even bother asking?” Jack responded, his breath ghosting over Ianto’s lips, prickling the sensitive flesh. 

Not caring that they were in public, Ianto closed the gap between them and kissed the captain. Jack’s lips felt warm from the coffee and it made all of Ianto’s feelings for the captain pool in the pit of his stomach. 

“I’ve missed you,” Jack said in a breathy tone. Ianto responded by tracing the captain’s jawline with his thumb. 

“So where do we go from here Jack?” he asked, planting another kiss to the corner of the American’s mouth. 

“We… go traveling. That way I can take you to all those places I said I would,” Jack said suddenly getting to his feet. “There is so much I want to show you, so why don’t you go back to Cardiff and pack your bags?”

“Just like that?” Ianto responded, clearly not amused at the suggestion. “I can’t just up and leave. I have a job, a flat to rent out…give me a few months to sort it out and then we'll talk.”

Jack’s expression turned to one of exasperation. 

“A few months. Oh for God’s sake Ianto, why don’t you stop being so anal…”

Jack stopped when he saw Ianto try and hide a smile, realising that the younger man was pulling a fast one on him. 

“Very funny, I see your dry sense of humour hasn’t left you,” Jack said as he sat down in a huff. 

“I’m sorry Jack, couldn’t resist really. But there is really no way you’re getting me to go anywhere tonight except Cardiff,” Ianto said firmly.

“Fine, we will go back to Cardiff, sort out your things and then we go on a trip,” Jack said begrudgingly. 

But his face soon broke into that familiar megawatt smile as he leaned on the table, the upper half of his body angled towards the younger man.

“So what do you say Ianto?”

Although Ianto felt a twinge of happiness at Jack’s use of the word ‘we’, he didn’t fail to catch the deeper meaning behind the captain’s invitation. 

Hurricane Jack was asking whether it was okay for him to sweep Ianto’s life off-kilter. To take him wherever he fancied, regardless of time or reason. 

But on the flipside, Ianto knew that Jack was also allowing himself to be reigned within Ianto’s boundaries, which he would undoubtedly try to push as far as he could. 

“Would you still jump in the water?” Tosh’s voice suddenly whispered unbidden from the back of his mind. 

Ianto closed his eyes as he remembered his answer. 

“Headfirst.”

Ianto took the plunge.

He did it knowing that no matter where they ended up, getting there would not be as nearly as harrowing as the journey they had already taken to get to this point. 

“Let’s go travelling Jack,” Ianto said before claiming the captain’s mouth for another kiss. 

When Jack kissed him back, Ianto was certain. This time he just…knew. 

Jack wouldn’t ever let him drown. 

***

~The End~

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly, thank you thank you thank you to everyone who left kudos and commented. I had loved writing this and I am glad that people still like reading it. 
> 
> Also, I am hoping to get up in the next couple of days a three-part sequel to this. To show what happened the years they were apart, and what happened when they finally found each other again. I hope that people would be interested in reading that <3
> 
> Songs used  
(1) Me and Mrs. Jones by Billy Paul from the album 360 Degrees of Billy Paul  
(2) Hometown Glory by Adele from the album 19  
(3) Dancing by Elisa from the album Then Comes The Sun  
(4) Slow Dancing In A Burning Room by John Mayer from the album Continuum  
(5) Looks Like We Made It by Barry Manilow from the album This One’s For You  
(6) Calm Envy by The GazettE from the album Stacked Rubbish  
(7) Jealous –Reverse- by Dir en grey from the album Decade 1998-2002   
(8) Goodbye by Yuria Yato from the OST Saishu Heiki Kanojo  
(9) After All by Peter Cetera & Cher from the OST Chances Are  
Insert Song: My Love Will Get You Home by Christine Glass


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